Author: Patricia Mary Boyle

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6 Lessons In Long-Distance Dating: What Works And What Doesn’t

Long-distance dating can be a real challenge for some couples. For others, it comes a bit more easily but it is never without its hassles. Sometimes the decision to go long-distance is a thoughtful one, other times it is a forced circumstance. It is usually hardest when it is preceded by significant time together, because dating from states apart is a completely different beast than dating from nearby towns. Trust starts to be less of a concrete concept, having other important things in your life becomes a priority, and self-awareness becomes a task to master in order to stay sane. 

Luckily, you’re talking to a girl who has some significant experience with long-distance relationships. I don’t mind long-distance for a lot of reasons. I like having time to myself and become easily overwhelmed if I am trying to balance work and a relationship when there doesn’t seem to be enough hours in the week. It’s not all independence and good times, though. It’s a different kind of hard work. Maybe, though, if you read through some of these tips, you’ll find that distance is one thing that doesn’t have to make or break a relationship.

  1. Communication: It Works

    The biggest challenge, besides physical contact between two people, in a long distance relationship is the maintenance of communication. If two people can’t communicate effectively with one another, your relationship will fail. Being unhappy means that you have to nip an issue in the bud, which can only happen if you’re able to communicate feelings in a productive way. Being happy means that you need to express that to your partner so that they know they’re doing something correctly, which is more easily forgotten than one might expect. Because body language doesn’t come into play, your significant other can’t pick up on brooding, anxiety, sadness, or love the way that they would in any other circumstance. Be aware of this and speak up.

  2. Presents: They Work

    You should never feel like you have to rain down on someone with gift after gift in order to please them. In a long-distance relationship, however, the little things that might come up as a result of being close to one another physically, like picking up something your date likes from the grocery store as an afterthought or dropping coffee off to their workplace because you were in the area, don’t get to happen. It still means a lot to be thought of in passing, though. That’s why presents matter when you’re dealing with distance. Whether it’s an emailed gift card to Amazon for that new movie your date wanted to buy or mailing a meaningful book to your loved one that they might enjoy, little surprises go a long way in keeping the romance between two people. Oh, and flowers are always a great way to go if your loved one is into that.

  3. Traveling: It Doesn’t

    One of the most bizarre things that I’ve found when it comes to dating someone very far away is that traveling isn’t as easy to tackle as expected. It takes time and a lot of money to go up a coast, across a country, or even just to the other side of the state if the drive is long enough. Sure, if you’re established in a well-paying job or rolling in extra cash, traveling isn’t a big deal. If you’re fresh out of college, still climbing the ladder but stuck on that bottom rung, or simply over-committed with daily tasks, setting aside weekends to hop in the car for eight hours or empty your credit card on a $500 flight three times a month isn’t realistic. Some couples plan to make the relationship work thanks to modern travel conveniences, and when life gets in the way is when the panic sets in for the worst. Instead, plan to deal with the distance itself. How are you going to spend the next six months apart from one another? Once you figure that out then the traveling just sort of becomes a welcomed bonus when it works out for all parties.

  4. Holidays: They Don’t

    This probably sounds like a weird pointer but it has value, too. Sometimes it’s just easier to make time for the holidays or wedding season rather than make time for your special someone. After all, it’s not like the two are mutually exclusive – you get to bring a date to all of those events and you know that your other half has time off to spend on those special occasions. Unfortunately, the quality time spent in these situations isn’t always top-notch. Families get in the way with questions and fawning and then you have the strict schedules of events run by other people who are spending money to make their memories unfold perfectly. That doesn’t leave much time for spontaneity, which is kind of important in a relationship that needs to stay fresh. Plan to spend time on off-weeks together so that plans that have no flexibility don’t interrupt you and you don’t have to feel “on” in front of the (potential) in-laws for three straight days.

  5. Date Nights: They Work

    Just because you’re far away from the person that you care about doesn’t mean that you can’t have really cool date nights. Sure, you might not be able to go to the baseball game together but you can absolutely turn the game on at both of your houses and order the same type of pizza so that you feel kind of like you’re in the same room. You might not be able to watch a television show live because of time zone differences, but you can plan to watch it on the DVR together via video chat and laugh together at the same things that you would should you have found yourselves on the same couch. Coordinate your schedule at least once a week for this kind of face-to-face interaction in order to stay connected and in-sync with one another. Our generation is lucky enough to have modern technology to keep things feeling not-so-far between a long-distance couple. Take advantage of that.

  6. Perfection: It Doesn’t

    Coming to terms with the hiccups of a relationship that is trying to get footing from a plane ride away is hard for some people. Your relationship would not have been perfect if you lived in the same home, so there is no reason to expect that it will be perfect in this scenario either. Be prepared for issues, for heartbreak, and for loneliness. Be ready to take on emotional distress, missing out, and being supportive from where you stand. Understanding that we are all human and that no one gets it right every single time is huge in the success of long-distance dating. Having said that, don’t forget to still acknowledge the triumphs and never be afraid to say, “I love you,” one too many times.

9 Things You Should Do To Make The Most Of Living With Your Best Friends

When you move away from your family, from dorm life, and from strangers so that you can move into a home with your best friends, your living environment can really blossom. No longer are you being fed rules that you’re unwilling to accommodate or being disciplined by someone watching over you. Now, you’re spending every day with the people you love to laugh with, cry with, and go out to parties with on Friday nights.

Those years that you spend in close quarters with your best friends go by quickly, so it’s best to take advantage of the companionship while you have it. Once you finish college or find yourself in a post-university relationship, you could be moving in with a special someone or living on your own. Those friendships from college will still be there, of course, but your days will certainly look different.

It’s important to soak up the memories and the advantages of having your besties there with you under one roof. There’s nothing else like it – we promise. Let us help you make that time extra special. 

  1. Have coffee together. 

    There’s nothing like starting your day off with good conversation, something on the television, and a few mugs of hot coffee. When you’re living alone, you’re missing out on that communication. When you’re living with a significant other or family member, it’s likely a different dynamic than what you’d get with your girls.

  2. Do little things to make life easier for each other.

    Bringing home fresh flowers, cleaning up after a busy weekend, buying your roommate’s favorite snack, or organizing her bobby pin collection when it gets out of hand – doing little things for your best friend is a great way to benefit from the living arrangement. You never get that kind of give and take when you’re rolling solo and you may not experience the same level of attentiveness to the little things when you live with your family or a significant other. Your girls just get you.

  3. Learn to cook.

    You all have to eat and there’s a good chance that at least one of you can kind of already cook. It goes without saying then that cooking together and getting really good at it is a great outcome from your living arrangement. Make weekly plans to meet up after work, turn on great music, and cook something delicious together. It’s a great time to catch up on what happened that week if you tend to miss each other in the morning.

  4. Snuggle.

    Some of the best roommate moments come from nights when one person doesn’t want to sleep in her bed alone. Don’t be afraid to snuggle with your girls during naptime or after a horrible day of classes, or even the night of a breakup. It’s like falling asleep next to your sister and it can make everything better. When you move out and live on your own, you’ll miss unconditional couch cuddling.

  5. Have your own happy hours.

    Once you’re 21, happy hours are found easily at your local bars and restaurants. Sometimes, though, you need your own happy hour. Forget all of the other people that you see in a busy establishment, forget the upcharge for your drinks, and forget coordinating a ride home. Pick up finger foods, wine, and bond together a few times a month after work before it even gets dark outside. There’s something awesome about having your own happy hour with your best friends.

  6. Watch a series you all love.

    One way to stay connected during school and into the next several years post-graduation is to fall in love with a long-running television show. Whether you’re a fan of Grey’s Anatomy, Portlandia, or Pretty Little Liars, you’ll eventually find a show that you all enjoy and can watch together once a week. There’s something about a show like that that keeps people feeling in sync.

  7. Gossip and vent.

    You’re allowed to gossip with your friends. You shouldn’t harm anyone’s reputation or spread rumors, but chatting about your lives is just going to happen. Guess who doesn’t necessarily want to hear about your friend so-and-so, her boyfriend, and their disastrous relationship? Your boyfriend and your family. Take advantage of venting about your coworkers while you have people in your apartment who need you to hear them out, too.

  8. Create inspiration boards.

    Making goals and sticking to them can be difficult, whether you’re looking to get fit, save money, or become better at journaling. When you work with other people to reach those goals, they become a little bit easier. Make a point of creating inspiration boards for the living room and then hold one another accountable for your short and long-term plans.

  9. Never put a guy before them.

    One of the trickiest parts of living with your best friends is to remember that they are only going to be living in your home for so long. Eventually, you’ll be in a one-bedroom or studio apartment by yourself or living with a special somebody. Don’t miss out on having them around by holing yourself in your bedroom with your man all weekend or staying at his house every day after class. Split your time and you won’t regret how you spent it.

43 Thoughts You Have During A Bikini Wax

Getting a bikini wax can either be the best thing ever, at least if you’re results-focused, or it can be mortifying, painful, and a real source of anxiety. You have to go into a salon or spa, let the receptionist know that you’re about to be spread eagle in one of the service rooms, and then you might have the chance to sip on some complimentary wine while you mentally prepare yourself for the endeavor before it begins. It sounds awkward, sure, but there’s so much more to it than that.

Since it’s just about time for the ladies to break out their swimsuits and get their hairless-ness on, we thought that you could use a giggle before your next encounter with the aesthetician. After all, having something funny to think about while you’re pants-less in front of a total stranger sounds like a solid coping strategy.

Check out the list below, bikini waxees. Oh, and best of luck at your next appointment!

  1. I guess a bikini wax would be a good idea for this vacation. I want to feel like a celebrity or a beauty pageant contestant: hairless and fabulous.
  2. Shaving always leaves me feeling bumpy and red; it’ll be nice to have less to worry about at the pool.
  3. I should just ask my friend what it was like to get a Brazilian. She would know.
  4. That was a horrible idea. Why would I ever ask her a question like that? I’m never getting that done. Ever.
  5. But I really don’t want to shave and then deal with the elastic from my swimsuit rubbing and irritating me all week.
  6. It’s decided then. I’ll schedule this appointment. I’ve got this.
  7. This spa seems nice. Maybe the more you spend, the better the experience.
  8. I remember one girl who went to a nail salon to do it and the tech didn’t even wear gloves.
  9. That sounds like an STD waiting to happen.
  10. Can you get STDs from a bikini wax? I feel like that’s a question for Google.
  11. That didn’t make me feel any better. So, STD is a no-go but MRSA seems like a legitimate concern.
  12. I think I’ll take my chances. I’ll just keep an eye on the tech to make sure she tosses each stick in the trash.
  13. Spending more seems like a solid strategy.
  14. Ugh. I’m going against all of my re-usable eco-friendly tendencies for a smooth lady area.
  15. What do I do to prepare for this? Gotta let those babies grow. And definitely pop some Advil.
  16. But not too much Advil because I don’t want to bleed. Yuck.
  17. Speaking of bleeding, I hope I don’t get my period during the appointment because of some bad Karma or something.
  18. Yeah, that won’t happen.
  19. Ok, here we go. I’m here. No backing out now.
  20. So I have to take my pants off. This feels inappropriate.
  21. Wow. Her face is way too close to me. I better not fart.
  22. Could you imagine if I were to fart? I think I’d die of embarrassment.
  23. At least the wax isn’t terribly hot. It’s kind of warm, which is nice because it’s freezing in here.
  24. I wonder if they keep the room cold so that your hairs stand on edge. Would that make it easier to yank them out?
  25. HOLY @$*& THAT WAS THE WORST FEELING EVER!
  26. At least the technician is being nice about my cursing. I feel like this could be a good outlet for all of the stress in my life.
  27. Just kidding. This is the stress in my life.
  28. Just 25 more wax strips left to go.
  29. Maybe it’s not too late to just do a partial wax. That’s a thing, right?
  30. At this point, I think I’ve gone into shock. It doesn’t even really hurt. That seems like a bad thing. Should I call 911?
  31. I wonder how my goods compare to the other people she’s seen this summer.
  32. What if I’m some kind of freak? Would she tell the other employees about my lady parts?
  33. I’m never going to be able to come back to this spa ever again. It’s just too much of a risk of being “the girl with the [whatever is weird that I don’t know is weird].”
  34. Unless I tip her really well. That could offset my freakishness and keep this between the two of us.
  35. She wants me to do what with my legs? And then she’s going to do what with my butt?
  36. This is humiliating.
  37. I won’t even sit like this when I’m with my boyfriend.
  38. She’s done. What do I say? A simple thank you seems a bit awkward.
  39. That’ll have to do, though, because it’s not like I can give her a handshake or a hug like this.
  40. And here I go on the walk of shame to the reception desk.
  41. That’s okay. You don’t actually have to announce that I just got a bikini wax so that everyone in the room can immediately jump to slut shaming me.
  42. Whatever. They’re probably here for the same service. I’m like a trailblazer.
  43. Now that that’s over with…where’s the best place to buy an ice pack for the ride home?

Words You're Always Mixing Up That Make You Sound Dumb…Oops!

Your phone’s autocorrect feature can be a total lifesaver or a surprise pain in the rear. Never have you had so much animosity toward something made to make your life easier, except maybe the WiFi feature on your laptop when it doesn’t come through for you.

Of course, sometimes it isn’t autocorrect’s fault when you completely jack up a word in a text, email, or social media post. Sometimes, in fact, it’s just you and your misunderstanding of what a word actually means. Yeah, we’re calling you out.

Instead of fumbling around your written communications blindly, let us throw you a few pointers for sounding a lot more knowledgeable than you might have a few minutes ago.

  1. Moot or mute?

    You use moot when you’re talking about a subject that you are debating whereas you use mute when you’re talking about a person that doesn’t talk, or a lack of volume.

  2. Further or farther?

    This tricky mix-up is a common one. Further talks about one thing being a greater distance than something else from another object but farther means just two things are being compared.

  3. Elicit or illicit?

    Well, you can really create a problem if you don’t use these words correctly. The first word means to beckon or pull from something and the second is talking about something being illegal.

  4. It’s or its?

    I’m always surprised at how many people mess this one up. The former simply means ‘it is’ and the latter illustrates that there is some possession.

  5. Your or you’re?

    This is a grammar fanatic’s biggest pet peeve. The first signifies possession while the second term means ‘you are.’

  6. Affect or effect?

    The first is something that influences another thing but the second is what happens because of the other thing.

  7. Accept or except?

    Like the example above, this one confuses many people. Accept is an agreement of being given or offered something and except is used to exclude something.

  8. Gauge or gage?

    A gauge is something that leads you to a measurement and a gage is something used to symbolize defiance.

  9. Compliment or complement?

    I mixed these two up until recently. Compliment is what you’d use to describe your appreciation of something and complement is what you’d say when you are talking about the benefit of pairing things.

  10. Few or less?

    Pay attention. Few can be used to talk about a small number of things but less should be used for comparisons or degrees.

  11. Insure or ensure?

    The first is a word that means you will get compensation for something whereas ensure is the promise that something will be done or will happen. 

Over-Thinking: What To Remember When You're Too Sensitive To Deal

Having anxiety can make life’s littlest interactions a burden. Did you offend the guy at Best Buy when you made a passing comment about the product he was selling to you? Did the driver during your commute misunderstand your brief honk of gratitude? Did your coworker just try to hint that she doesn’t trust you, or are you just over-thinking that remark?

Yeah, that’s pretty much a day in the life of someone who is sensitive, anxious, and looks into every relationship with a certain level of obsession.

While you may have become accustomed to the frequent feeling of concern, it feels so good to let things roll off of your back now and then. Here’s how to do that:

  1. Reflect on how you think the other person interpreted the interaction.

    If you had been in their shoes (and weren’t so anxious) would you still be thinking about the incident? If it was something you said that may have offended the other person, consider their behavior – did it change after the comment or did they carry on as if nothing happened? The latter would certainly indicate that they didn’t mind your remark and that you can move ahead with your life, stress-free. If you’re still concerned, go ahead and reach out to discuss your feelings about your meeting. Chances are high that you’ll wind up being the only person who noticed anything askew.

  2. Imagine how Person X would be handling the issue.

    You should always have a relaxed, but caring, person to consider when you over-think a situation. This person probably doesn’t become preoccupied by the circumstances of others after they interact with them unless there was an obvious level of tension there. Think about if this person had been in your shoes during whatever it is that you can’t stop worrying about right now. Would they be upset? Probably not. Channel their likely more appropriate reaction moving forward.

  3. Think about the worst-case scenario and put things into perspective.

    So, perhaps you just met with a client and said something unprofessional. Take a moment to consider the worst potential result of the interaction. The client could decide to seek services elsewhere; the client could write a terrible review on a reputable website about you; the client could tell their friends about what you said. Luckily, you still have dozens of clients who value you for many reasons and balance that negative review with positive ones, provide you with referrals, and come back to you when they need further services. Most likely though, none of those terrible things will happen as a result of the meeting. Breathe.

Believe it or not, those three pointers will take you a long way in learning to manage your sensitivity. When in doubt, talk out your feelings with a friend in order to slow down your ‘catastrophizing’ tendencies, or write out your concerns and come back to them a few hours later once you’ve relaxed. With practice, you’ll become a more introspective, reasonable person with a significantly improved sense of confidence. Good luck, folks!

20 Thoughts That Every Hypochondriac Has Had

When you are a hypochondriac, whether self-diagnosed and dealing with mild worry or clinically diagnosed and persistently battling heightened concerns, life is rough. You can hardly go a day without assuming the worst and, when you aren’t quite concerned enough, you find yourself turning to WebMD to really reinforce the fact that your death is imminent. 

If you’ve ever worried that the eye twitch you had – you know, the one that lasted just two minutes – is the first sign of multiple sclerosis, you’ll appreciate this list of thoughts that every hypochondriac has had.

  1. Every headache is a brain tumor. Because you seem to get them a lot and you haven’t yet made the connection between your caffeine dependence and your throbbing forehead.
  2. Every migraine is a stroke. Because your head hurts so badly that you assume that you can’t communicate or lift your arm but you’re too busy hiding from the light to bother actually checking.
  3. Every stomachache is a ruptured organ. Because gas could not possibly hurt this badly.
  4. Every rash is a flesh-eating bacteria. Because we all saw that news story of that one time that someone got that.
  5. Every sneeze carries with it a call-out-of-work illness. Because you can’t eat anything that anyone else prepares ever again.
  6. Every airplane is a death trap. Because an airplane is obviously a tube made to circulate that most violent illnesses on the planet in one happy trip.
  7. Every pet scratch is the start of rabies. Because you’re fairly certain that you forgot to take your pet to the vet this year.
  8. Every lump is a cancer. Because, obviously.
  9. Every sip of sour milk will lead to the runs. Because eating sour stuff or mold or anything slightly askew in your fridge is reason enough to call in for a sick day.
  10. Every achy joint is debilitating arthritis. Because you’ll be in a wheelchair before you know it 
  11. Every irritated eye is the start of blindness. Because it’s been three hours and you’re still dealing with watery allergy tears.
  12. Every achy tooth will require a root canal. Because there was that one time that you got your wisdom teeth out and everything went downhill. 
  13. Every chest pain is a heart attack. Because heartburn isn’t enough for you.
  14. Every fever is Ebola. Because you’re pretty certain that you came in contact with a CDC worker on that cruise last week. 
  15. Every cyst is an indication of an autoimmune disease. Because autoimmune diseases are practically impossible to diagnose. Duh.
  16. Every lower back pain is a kidney infection. Because pulling a muscle is for active people and browsing symptoms on the Internet doesn’t require a lot of movement.
  17. Every bloating episode is proof of pregnancy. Because you’re always probably pregnant. 
  18. Every tick will give you Lyme disease. Because the alternative is Rocky Mountain spotted fever, and you probably have that, too.
  19. Every bug bite leads to a blood infection. Because there’s malaria and West Nile and everything else. It could be everything.
  20. Everything is going to make you die. Because you’re a ticking time bomb of disease.

11 Disney Characters Who You'd Totally Hang With At A Bar

Disney movies were great for entertaining us as children and there are still some movies that we’ll watch on rainy Sundays when we’re in need of a little nostalgic hangover cure. Those hangovers, though, would be so much better had they been the result of a too fun night of clinking mugs with your favorite Disney characters.

We got to thinking, and we decided to bond over some of our favorite animated icons. These are the ones that we would want to share a drink with if we had the chance. Scroll through them and see if you agree!

  1. Genie: This is not just a pity drink for the sake of the late Robin Williams. This is a true longing for a night of laughs with the original blue man. If there ever had been a best comedian award for animated Disney movies, this character would be the winner by a long shot. He’s a straight-shooter, incredibly good with sarcasm, and a loyal friend through the night.
  2. Ursula: Sometimes you just want to hang with a hysterical, unapologetic bitch. After all, we all have a friend who likes to manipulate the night in her favor, which means our favor if we’re in tow. This chick is your big-busted, tell-it-like-it-is friend who gets you into the club when there’s a huge line and sneaks free drinks for you when you’re feeling shafted at the bar.
  3. Gaston: You should’ve seen this one coming. Gaston is the friend who’s always down to a power hour during a house party and enjoys a night at the pub whether it’s a weekday or a crowded Saturday. He can drink with the best of them, never worries about a huge tab, and knows everyone in the bar. We’re suddenly feeling very popular. 
  4. Mushu: When you need to smile, this character is a great drinking buddy. He can go with the flow, be a total wingman for you when you’re looking to meet that special someone, and he never lets you make a fool of yourself without looking equally foolish beside you.
  5. Hades: We love Hades. Sure, he’s got a dark side, but he’s also tall, dark, and handsome and drops subtle jokes for days. If you’re looking for a guy to take to a wedding, this fiery character will be a great conversationalist and make you chuckle along the way. Of course, don’t get too involved with him because he’s kind of a d**k to women.
  6. Vinny Santorini: Atlantis is a totally underrated Disney movie. Sure, it doesn’t have any traditional princesses in it but it’s kind of hysterical. Vinny instantly came to mind when we started this list because he’s a bit aloof and self-impressed. What’s best is that he calls out his friends when they’re acting ridiculous and he’s always super chill. Plus, he once said this: “With something like that I would have white wine, I think.” It’s fate.
  7. Timon & Pumbaa: This is an obvious two-for-one character combo. They’re upbeat, laid back, and down to try anything on the menu. Plus, if you feel like getting a little wild, they’ll be the first ones to shout, “YOLO!”
  8. Little John: Robin Hood’s right-hand man is a great guy to have a heart-to-heart with at a relaxed restaurant. He always knows how to boost your confidence and clue you in to things you’re not ready to admit yet. Robin Hood knew what was up when he picked this guy to be his best friend.
  9. The Muses: These girls could single-handedly make up your bachelorette party. Each one has a great personality, balancing the others out exceptionally well, and the comedic relief they’ll provide to any outing is too tempting to pass up. If you need a girls’ night out soon, you just found your crew.
  10. Kronk: We found ourselves chuckling at the idea of having a drink with Kronk as soon as we wrote his name down. He’s large and in charge, and he’ll do whatever it takes to make sure you and your friends have a great time. Most importantly, he’s got the handy shoulder angel and devil to guide you all down the ideal path for the evening. And we all know that the best choice is the “path that rocks.”
  11. King Louie: This is the friend that thinks you’re seriously awesome, and we all need a self-esteem boost now and then, right? When you’re feeling like your outfit doesn’t look good enough or your hair could use some TLC, King Louie will be standing by to tell you that he’d totally be you if he could. What better way to calm down those beer tears, eh?

Did we miss your go-to Disney drinking buddy? Share with us your thoughts by dropping a comment, below!

Walk Like A Model: How To Strut In Heels On Any Occasion

High Heel Strut

Heels can take an outfit to the next level. If you’re afraid to try them because of inexperience or you’re simply in need of some pointers for your platform stilettos, I have the advice that you’re looking for today. Give your feet a quick massage, relax with your coffee, and soak up the sexy.

Find the right size and height for you. 

If you’re new to heels, you will want to go for a smaller heel and avoid a platform. If you’re a heel pro but you need some practice in sky-high pumps, go big but only if you think you’re ready. Make sure that your toes are comfortable and that the back of the shoe hugs your heel. Shoe slippage can make even the most talented heel lover trip and fall.

 

Posture matters. 

Walking in heels means that you’re likely going to be drawing more attention than you would in flats and it also means that you’ll need to ensure you have good balance. In order to achieve this balance and for a more comfortable and confident step, getting shoe insoles is always a great idea! Protalus can help you look and feel your best with their specialized inserts.   Standing up straight and engaging your core will allow you to look your most confident and help you to avoid wobbling.

 

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Stop Selling Yourself Short: How To Be Awesome At Online Dating

Online dating has become a very real way for Millennials to meet and begin relationships. Whether your format of choice is Tinder or Grinder or you’re into eHarmony and Match, reaching out and meeting people that you might not otherwise run into at the grocery store or the bar is pretty fun! If you’re doing it wrong, though, you can find yourself browsing a lot and dating very little. So, because I care, I’ve put together some quick tips to make you an awesome online dater.

Remember your audience.

Guys tend to come on strong if they aren’t being mindful, and while that might work out well if you’re pursuing other men, it can turn off a woman. Women would prefer a neutral topic upon first chatting with you, or if you’re bold you can perhaps compliment something non-sexual that you see in her picture like her eyes or her hair. Men can be open to more direct messages that work to inflate their egos, but you’ll always be safest with first finding out if you have a hobby or something else that is inherently simple in common.

Be okay with online dating.

I know a lot of people who feel awkward about online dating, and that’s okay. What isn’t okay is to expose your distaste for online dating to the people who are also trying it out. You’ll insult potential partners and sound stuck-up if you describe the experience as being pathetic or odd. Instead, if you just have to talk about this being new for you or otherwise discuss the platform, turn that anxiety and discomfort into uplifting anticipation. “I’m not an online dating pro yet but so far I like that it led me to you.”

Get creative with your profile.

Being generic or cliché is kind of lame. When it comes to your online profile, you have much more freedom than you would on, say, a job application to be yourself and have some fun. You shouldn’t be boasting about your spontaneity; you should say something that illustrates you haven been spontaneous. You shouldn’t advertise that you want to take things slowly; you should make a joke about what once happened when things moved too quickly. Get creative and be yourself. Just don’t be boring.

Be open to the frog.

Sometimes the guy that you find to be somewhat unappealing (he might not be tall enough for your taste) or the woman that you don’t consider your type (she’s a brunette and you dig blondes) is actually a great person to meet. You don’t necessarily have to kiss the frog, but don’t count your unlikely date out until you give them a try. Personalities can make even the most average person incredibly attractive and being slightly less picky about your go-to partner can make all the difference in your success. 

Post a few photos to show yourself off.

No matter kind of person you’re trying to attract, photos are important. If you don’t have at least two, potential dates might think you’re hiding something and if you stick to headshots, you might get an unfriendly reaction from your partner once you meet. Let people know what they’re getting into with a flattering headshot sans sunglasses, a casual full-body shot, and a photo of you engaging in your interests (walking your dog, reading a book, or playing volleyball at the beach).

Chill out. Seriously.

You should absolutely be excited about meeting someone who seems like your perfect match. You should not, however, assume that the person you’re chatting with feels the same way, that the spark will last more than two dates, or that everything on the person’s profile is genuine. You should not ask for your date to remove their profile within the first month of dating and you should not be okay with them asking you to take yours down so quickly. I support a great fairytale, but you hardly know this person and you need to be realistic about the relationship’s potential (and about the motives on all other accounts) before getting too invested. 

Running From Yourself: Why Being Popular Won't Make You Happy

Whether you’re in high school, in college, or in your 30s with a few kids, there will always be cliques and the ‘cool kids.’ As women, in particular, we will deal with exclusivity-directed behavior until the end of our years and learning to navigate it can make or break your happiness.

The trick, though, is realizing that being popular isn’t everything, no matter your age. Sure, having friends is important for mental health and being able to socialize impacts many experiences in life. But having the most friends and being revered as the ‘popular’ girl has its caveats.

Comparing yourself to everyone else will rarely leave you satisfied.

We start at a young age to aspire to be like the people that we see on magazine covers and in our favorite shows. Sometimes, when we see ourselves in those people or we look at the character of a person in the spotlight, that comparison is promising – we can grow and become as impressive as them. Other times, we are left with a sense of helplessness – we will never be able to achieve that kind of perfection. 

Popularity is similar. Comparing yourselves to others doesn’t always make you feel better about yourself. Whether you’re at the bottom of the social totem pole or you’re existing at the top, finding security in who you are as a person is better than comparing your importance to the importance of others.

Seeking outside assertion of your worth is sure to fail you.

One of the hardest things to develop is a sense of self-worth. Some people are lucky and find worth in themselves at a young age. Others never find it at all. One of the most dangerous things that we can do, though, is find our worth because others provide it to us. Having dependence on that social reassurance can hurt you when that social power fades, or your circle of support simply gets a kink in it. 

Instead, it’s important to see your worth as something that is unrelated to the people around you. Certainly, they may see that same worth and that is what attracts them to you, but you need to maintain a sense of that even without those people in your life. You are important because of who you are, not because you have the greatest tally of people around you.

You experience less attention, making more space for daily recovery.

A positive aspect of not being popular is that you have time to make mistakes, explore yourself, and form an identity independent of outside influence. You can grow and learn how to be a great person without the criticism of watchful eyes and the judgments of those who look to you for the wrong reasons.

As you get older, you don’t have to worry about keeping up with the Joneses in your particular clique or about being the illusion of a perfect woman for your friends. Whether you’re learning to love your laugh lines or are dealing with a major slip-up at work, you can do so without being so carefully watched by others.

Being known won’t automatically make you happy.

Some people say that happiness shouldn’t have to be something that you work toward, but I disagree with that. I think it is clear that, simply because the human body is made to more easily recognize triggers for fear, sadness, and other less uplifting feelings than the happy ones, one must actively pursue happiness. Being popular, however, won’t necessarily take you there.

Being happy is a great achievement. While having friends and a support system is vital to avoiding depression and maintaining effective social skills, being heralded as a popular person can still leave you feeling alone. Instead, focus on hobbies and lifestyle choices that make you happy and let the friends come to you once you’re already in a good place.

Popularity is determined by the masses, and sometimes they value the wrong things.

The most important thing to remember about popularity is that people create it, and people sometimes gravitate toward things that aren’t admirable. Have you ever met a grown man who is an asshole toward others and is also the most popular person in the neighborhood? Or the woman who is popular just because her body is amazing and people disregard her shallowness toward friendships? We’ve all met them. Sometimes the most remarkable people are the ones with regular social experiences, not experiences of immense popularity.

If you’re not popular, that’s okay. You don’t have to be in order to be happy and fulfilled. As it is a social construct, it is ever-changing and popular people are likely to experience a loss of that popularity with time. If they have depended on their status to define their worth and their happiness then they are sure to lose in the long run.

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