5 Things To Know When Your Friends All Land Jobs After Graduation…And You Don't

It’s March. The second semester of the 2014-2015 academic year has hit its equivalent of hump day, and not just because its Spring Break and there are tons of people getting their hump on in Florida resort towns. It’s midterms time, and with those midterms comes the pressure of being halfway to finals week – and, for seniors, graduation. 

If you’re a senior sitting on a plane on your way to your parents’ house, sipping on coffee in an empty campus café, or recovering from a fun night of frivolity on your vacation, you’re likely a member of one or two college camps: the ones with jobs lined up post-university or the ones who will be thrown into the real world without any hands to hold.

I was someone who graduated and didn’t have a job, or even a plan for that matter. Graduate school sounded awesome because I’m one of those losers who loves to be in class. A well-paying job was tempting, too, if I could’ve found one. Then there was the practical girlfriend in me that knew too much more long-distance and my relationship with my significant other would dissolve like Pixie Stix dust in warm water.

So, being the indecisive person that I am, I ditched my plans for more schooling in order to chase my boyfriend to Florida while working a job that paid the rent but definitely sunk me below the poverty line. My peers, over the months that passed in that year, have purchased cars, gone on expensive business trips, and spoken at conferences. They’ve afforded exotic vacations, gotten engaged, and posted pictures to Instagram that gave me serious grown-up FOMO.

Now, a smidge over a year has passed since I earned my diploma and I only recently got serious about finding a more stable career. But here is what I’ve learned as my journey unfolded and have been told to expect in the future:

Being Picky Has Pros

When I graduated, I had kicked butt as a scholar. My GPA was awesome, my courses were practical in the real world, and I was sitting happy in a city that had endless opportunities. I didn’t want to settle for just any office job, though I’ve always had a kind of romantic fascination with those kinds of positions, and I didn’t want to work in a notoriously lame field. What I wanted to do, though, I didn’t know for sure. Having waited some months, I feel much more comfortable with the job interviews that I apply for because I have had the time to hear how my peers fared in their entry-level work. Being picky means that you’ll likely find something you’ll end up sticking with for a period of time.

Being Picky Also Has Cons

Unfortunately, being picky also means living with your parents and falling a year behind your friends when it comes to qualifications in the workplace. You may never be qualified for those awesome jobs that you want if you don’t suck it up and log some hours in a salaried job that is significantly less impressive. A lot of employers don’t mind you having the wrong experience for a mid-level job, they just want to see that you’ve been hired for a moderately long-term job that doesn’t involve sandwich making at the local deli or taking phone calls at your neighborhood hair salon. Lowering your standards for what comes after graduation might not be such a bad thing, after all.

Networking Became Easier After College

I was told to network by a few professors in school. “It’s not what you know, it’s who you know,” they’d say. I heard them, of course, but I didn’t realize just how hard it would be to get my foot in the door in the age of electronic resume submissions without knowing the right people. If you’re stuck without a job after college, don’t panic. The friends of yours that do snag jobs fairly quickly will climb the tiny ladder of entry level antics over the first few months of employment and be able to talk you up as a potential next-in-line hire for the job should a position open six months from when you show interest. Just hope that those friends really impress their supervisors so that you can actually benefit from their recommendations.

It’s Just One More Year

Getting a year older is not the worst thing that can happen in your life. If you dive into moving cross-country to explore your dream of being a taco truck vendor and then realize nine months in that you hate the smell of salsa, you can start fresh without having lost too much. You’re still in your 20s, you’re still young enough to be considered enthusiastically for the jobs you tossed aside as a fresh graduate, and you’re still just as vibrant as ever. Sure, those who have student loans to pay back or a hearty rent to pay may not be so relaxed about a year passing without steady pay, but a single year passing without a salaried job will probably not make or break your path in life.

The Job Hunt Will Be OK

I was recently told, since getting serious about this whole growing up thing, that job interviews come in waves and that job offers come in tidal waves. You can have a dozen job interviews with no serious openings and then you do six more and every employer you’ve chatted with wants you to work for him or her, within the month. You actually end up turning down jobs in order to cozy yourself into your new office in peace. While this is just something that I’ve heard through the grapevine of experience, it reminds me that striking out is okay as long as I keep coming up to bat. Soon enough, I’m going to hit that home run, and so will you.

When Anxiety Ruins Friendships: What You Should Know About That Flaky Friend

Hello, my name is Alyson and I am the flaky friend. You know me from my unending excitement for all things social and my persistent habit of bailing at the last minute.

I’m sure a number of you just let out an irritated sigh. You all know me because I’m in your group of friends or, well, I used to be. Some of you have stopped trying to invite me to places and events because you got tired of me deciding not to go out with you on Saturday nights or finding an excuse for why lunch actually doesn’t work for me on Wednesday.

What you should know is that I usually really do want to go out and party, or meet up for dinner and drinks with friends, or even just hang out to watch The Bachelor at your house on Monday nights. But I have anxiety, and it messes up those plans.

Anxiety comes and goes over time. The general worry is pretty much always there, especially if it’s bad enough to land you with a clinical diagnosis, but the bouts of real, life-disrupting anxiety can sprout from all sorts of triggers. Everything from a change in daily routine to seeing roadkill on the way to work to finding out a loved one cheated on you – sometimes it’s a totally relatable battle. Sometimes, though, those triggers aren’t immediately obvious to the person experiencing them, and the desire to avoid stressful situations that might encourage those feelings becomes the person’s priority. Going out with friends might be one of those situations.

As an anxious person, I’ve been in therapy off and on since I was in the second grade. It’s something that I share with people because I think mental illness needs to be normalized so that those who really need help can get it without worry of being outcasted. I’m now 23, nearing 24, and very much considering returning to therapy within the month. Why? Well, I’m having a really difficult time with my anxiety and I didn’t see it coming. I’ve always been a bit of a homebody, but now I’m back to being that flaky friend.

I was invited downtown by a handful of my friends this past weekend, and five days before the big night, I was thrilled about the opportunity to throw back a few cold ones and get dressed up. Once Friday came around, though, I panicked. I didn’t run around like an injured chicken or anything, I just felt this hot feeling in my chest and a tightness in my shoulders and the urge to run. That’s how anxiety feels for me – this urge to run. If I run, the urge doesn’t go away. It settles around my neck and into my arms and sometimes the only way to make it stop is to sit on the ground with my legs pulled in close to my stomach while I rock back and forth. Unfortunately, that doesn’t always work and, more unfortunately, sometimes it doesn’t even cross my mind because it’s preoccupied with other bothersome concerns.

Anyway, I knew that bailing on my friends wasn’t going to go over well. I knew that these particular friends didn’t know me well enough to know what I was feeling that night. I knew that making up an excuse wasn’t going to be okay so instead I just said, “I’m probably not going to go out tonight.??? I never got a text back and it sucked.

At this point, most people might say that I should know better, that I should force myself to go out when I’m in these situations. The problem is that I know what happens when I go out when I’m feeling this way because, for about two years, I had experience with exactly that. I’d either be miserable all night, staying sober and dealing with the drunks and overreacting because of my state of mind, I’d be drunk and emotional because suddenly my tenseness would melt into a pile of sadness over feeling like something is wrong with me, or I’d have a great time. Those first two, pathetically, tend to be the options that haunt me when I’m feeling anxious enough to not want to go out.

So, while your flaky friend may just be a POS, he or she may also have something else going on and might not be as chatty about it as I am. The friend probably knows that they’re risking their relationship with you and giving in to their worry, and that doesn’t mean that he or she doesn’t value you. It just means that those feelings are really, scarily strong and controlling them is harder than it might seem from the outside looking in.

Try to be understanding. We’ve lost enough friends over this – we don’t want to lose you, too.

6 Homework Excuses Better Than 'My Dog Ate That Ish'

Something about this never-ending winter makes me bet that you’re at a special point in the semester when the thrill of submitting assignments before the due date has faded and when the excitement surrounding your professors’ faith in you has lost its luster. Star student, no more, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t at least put some creative effort into your newfound status of pro-slacker.

We’ve all heard the excuse, “My dog ate my homework.” It was the classic fib from elementary school that teachers said they’d never take seriously, and the horrifying truth for those unlucky kids whose dogs really did go to town on their take-home math tests and season-long book reports. As we grow up, we never really grow out of wanting a convenient excuse for skipping an assignment. Sometimes we’re just tired, worn-out, or feeling lazy. Unfortunately, ‘feeling lazy’ usually isn’t a good enough reason to slack since, like, everyone else was feeling that way, too.

So, because we can totally empathize with you – Who hasn’t been there? – we’re here to share a couple of other excuses that might actually get you out of finishing that textbook outline.

Fair Warning: In my very un-professional opinion, pulling off any of these successfully will almost definitely leave you with bad Karma. That being noted, desperate times call for desperate measures.

  1. Car Trouble: If you’re planning on skipping class altogether, this one could work in your favor. You really may not have friends that can scoop you up on your ride to campus and you might live far enough away for the commute to be a bit of a toss-up anyway. If your teacher likes evidence, just let some air out of your tire, stand by the car on the side of the road, and take a selfie looking pathetic. Oh, and cross your fingers that the educator doesn’t require a bill of service.
  2. Blame It On The Potty: There’s nothing to get a professor to stop interrogating you like claiming you had the runs or that you were painfully clogged up. No one – and I mean no one – enjoys talking about poop with a stranger. Especially when that poop supposedly did or didn’t come out of that stranger. In this case, evidence of your circumstances will almost never be requested.
  3. A Pet Emergency: If your professor is a sucker for a sappy pet story but wouldn’t fall for the lame ‘homework-eating’ scenario, try blaming your lack of academic follow-through on your pet. If you’ve got a kitten or puppy, you could say your pet had an allergic reaction to vaccines and you had to monitor him or her all day. That really happened to my pet once. Then there’s the whole tapeworm excuse, which I know about because that also happened to my cat. It was disgusting and I’m pretty sure that if you gag while talking about it, your teacher will have pity on you.
  4. Claim A Secret Identity: Look your professor directly in the eye and ask him to discuss your missed assignment in confidence. Explain to him or her that you can’t go into details do to a security concern, and then admit to some kind of secret identity that you now assume. Whether you want to go all secret agent on your educator or you want to say there was a blip in your witness protection status, if you don’t blink and act totally serious, you might actually get away with this one.
  5. Contact Issues: If you can make it to class with a friend leading the way but you can’t seem to get your assignment done, plus you wear contacts or glasses, blame your lack of effort on a contact slip-up. If you’re basically blind as a bat without your sight-savers, it’s time to claim that your last set of contacts got knocked into the toilet accidentally, and that your glasses are at your parents’ house. You can’t be expected to complete your chapter write-up if you can’t read any passages from the textbook.
  6. That B*tch Roommate: I once had an evil roommate. She enjoyed actively lying to our other roommate about things she would do, like eating food that didn’t belong to her and taking things from that roommate’s bathroom, and blaming those things on me. If you have a rough relationship with your roomie, blame your class absence last week on her antics. Did she put honey and chocolate syrup in your shampoo bottle that required an emergency haircut to get some of the delicious tangles out? That’s a definite maybe.

Good luck, liars. May the Karma be ever in your favor.

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