1. Don’t dim your light or dumb yourself down for anyone.

You were brought into this world to shine in your own unique specific way. To use your gifts as no one else can. The God source in you is infinite and powerfully bright; when you dim it in order to make others feel more comfortable or less insecure, you also dim your God source. You cut off your divinity by being less than who you are. And, over time those external voices can start to become your own negative self-talk.

 If you feel someone is trying to sniff out your light (you know who the light-sniffers are) know it’s usually because they’re afraid of their own. They feel threatened by you because they only want to shine too. By standing powerfully in your own presence, fully, you really allow them to do the same. They still may not be comfortable around you, but that’s okay.

2. Life isn’t like you thought it would be.

Let go of what it’s supposed to look like. Surrender to the flow of life and you’ll be less disappointed and more engaged by life’s twists and turns. They’ll be a part of what is beautiful about life.

3. When you mess up, own up.

And as quickly as possible. It keeps your side of the street clean so you don’t keep stumbling over obstacles you create, or co-create. And, don’t ever throw others under the bus. The blame game keeps you small.

4. Don’t ghost on people.

In other words, don’t just disappear or not respond when you’re afraid of rejecting someone or if you don’t want to do something. When you do ghost, it’s the ultimate rejection. Just state your truth and move on.

5. Surround yourself with people who make you laugh.

And, think. It’s pretty simple. Be with people who fill you up.

6. Don’t worry about the small stuff.

And, be more patient. Things usually work out for the best.

The simplest thing I would tell myself is Life is meant to unfold. Learn, educate yourself, continue to seek and strive for excellence, but life is going to happen the way it’s going to happen.

And, everything will be okay.

Today I am going to write something different.  Maya Angelou is my favorite poet. I read an incident about her recently. She was sitting, waiting for her turn to speak at a graduation. 

Maya Angelou, while waiting, was flipping through the newspaper and did something that Man sitting next to her thought very odd. She paused at several pages with photographs of a person on them, rested her left hand on her heart, and stayed like that for a few moments. Each time, her face lit up in a grin as if she held the moon in her mouth. When she had gone through the entire section, she thumbed back to the beginning, and started the process again; only this time as she paused at different photographs and placed her hand on her heart, she shook her head sadly.

Man couldn’t resist asking her what she was doing.

“I am practicing,” she said. “Yes, this is my practice. At first, all of these people seem very different from me. The first time I go through the photographs in the paper, I pause at the pictures of people who have done remarkable things—built skyscrapers or discovered a cure for a disease or negotiated a peace settlement—and I say to myself, Well, if I can recognize that in them, it must be in me somewhere too or else why would I even be intrigued? 

So I just wonder for a moment, What does that remind me of in myself that I’d like to grow?” It took a minute for her words to really sink in, but when they began to sprout in the man's mind, man responded, “That’s lovely. I get that. But then why, if you don’t mind my asking, do you go through the paper a second time?”

She looked up at the man from under her eyelashes and said, “That’s the hardest part of the practice. The second time I scan for people who have murdered or raped or destroyed something precious. This time when I pause again in recognition, I say to myself, Oh yes, that’s in me, too; there is a dormant dark part inside. How can I delve in to discover the need under that destructive behavior so I can find a positive way of meeting it before it erupts?”

This incident literally made me tear up. 

How do  two people in a relationship  who are so very different can be so in sync. Studies have shown that  each person possesses many kinds of intelligence, including rational and relational. 

The former divides information into discrete facts, processes, and logic. Try to use your rational thinking when relating to someone who thinks differently than you do. You’ll find yourself overthinking, trying to figure out whether you should say this or that, be this way or that way, do this thing or that thing. No matter how smart you are, your mind can become like a frustrated kitten tangled in a ball of yarn. 

The more you try to unravel the mess, the worse it gets. You become lost in your limited capacity to know or grow or re- late to the mystery of your uniquely different ways of thinking.

Relational intelligence, on the other hand, connects things, creates meaning, and offers understanding about how to relate one person to another. 

Most of us have been schooled in rational intelligence, but have never had specific formal training to foster relational intelligence.

The more marvel & mystery that are present between you and your partner, the higher the chances will be of that special kind of intelligence growing. 

Think for a minute about what it’s like to sing in harmony with another person. Each of you allows your voice to come forward, fall back, and then merge to create beautiful music.

 It can be the same when we are in a relationship with a person very different than us. If you know how to discover it, there is a pulsating energy, an intelligence between you that can facilitate each of you achieving far more together than you could alone.

How do some people rise above circumstances ranging from frustrating to dismal?

I can’t speak to other people’s inner thoughts, but I’m guessing they use the two-punch combination I employ when I’m at my lowest. 

All we gotta do is accept life for what it is, even if it’s messy, and grow from it. We can work to change our perception of things, but we might find a lot of life’s biggest challenges to be a blessing in disguise. 

What are you going through right now and most importantly, what are you learning from your hardships? 

Let’s say a girl’s employer fires her and she feels lost, embarrassed, and disappointed in herself. It’s a low moment in her life that she begins to question whether or not she can get back up from.    

What can she learn from that experience?

Maybe she’ll learn the position didn’t suit her. It didn’t align with her strengths, which made her termination inevitable. 

Maybe it was a blessing in disguise she got fired because now she can spend time figuring out where her talents lie instead of wasting years of her life doing something she wasn’t supposed to do in the first place.

Or let’s say it’s been night after night of her fighting with her other half. She’s sleep deprived, her eyes are red and puffy, and she’s running low on empathy. It’d be so easy for her to call it and say, this isn’t working out, but instead she fights. 

She learns to express her feelings before she reaches her boiling point.

She learns to keep her eyes open, be present, and pay attention to her relationship because it truly means the world to her.

The only mistakes that do true harm are the ones we fail to learn from and repeat again. 

I know these are only words. In the moment, it will be difficult to think about what we can learn from a situation when we’re seeing red, feel down, and trapped in a prison of circumstance. 

But if we at least try to change our perspective for a minute, we’ll be able to find the light at the end of the tunnel. 

Every hardship in life we face is really just a blessing in disguise, no matter how overwhelming it may be at the moment. We’re not given this chance to redeem ourselves, change, and grow every day so we better make the most of it while we can.

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The difference between a ‘fuckboy’ and a ‘forever boy’ is that ‘fuckboys’ will never think you are enough.

A ‘fuckboy’ will seem congenial and ‘different’ from the rest. He will seem magical, luring you in with his eye contact and tiny kisses on your neck.

A ‘fuckboy’ will take you out when it is convenient for him. But when he does, he will do everything right and say everything right. He will tell you how special you are. How ‘different’ you are from anyone he has ever met. 

And you’re going to believe him. He will intertwine your fingers with his and coat your heart with a layer of false promises, and you’re going to think he means it.

You’ll trust him. You’ll believe in him and will give him your heart. He will make you feel like you’re the only one. Like maybe this time, someone recognizes that you’re special. Like maybe this time, someone finally sees how great you are and everything is going to change.

Until he changes his mind, and he will, because he doesn’t care for anybody other than himself. 

A ‘fuckboy’ will beckon you towards him and adore you, until it becomes too much for him. He will court you until he is done with you. Because a fuckboy dates on his own terms. He doesn’t fall in love. He doesn’t do ‘commitment’. 

He is only seeking cheap thrills. He will make you part of his personal entertainment. And one day he will give you blindsided break up. 

A forever type of guy is the kind that starts off slowly. He will be cautious at first. Making sure he doesn’t say too much or too little. 

He’s not going to smother you with kisses or hugs on the first date. He’s not going to sweep you off of your feet right away. But he is a true gentle man. 

You’re going to be guarded with him, not knowing what it all means. Not knowing if his heart is true. But the thing about love is, it takes time to grow and to blossom. It doesn’t start off like a forest fire.

He will be patient with your heart. He will try to understaff your likes and dislikes. 

You’ll be his sole focus. He only dates one girl at a time because he respects your individuality. 

He will be careful in the way he looks at you. Not wanting too much of you, but his intentions are genuine. 

Forever boys will love you for not only your strengths but also for your weakness. They’ll understand you shortcomings and work around it. 

They will never grow tired of the way you smell and the way you taste when your lips touch theirs. They will never grow tired of the sound of your laugh, or the way they say your name. They will never ever walk out. Because it’s not a game to them. It’s real life.

Don’t fall for someone’s charm and sweet words just because they seem pleasing to you in a fleeting moment. Don’t fall for someone just because they seem like they want you for you. No.

Fall for someone’s heart and someone who becomes truly happy when you are happy, who motivates you and celebrates your achievements. Fall for the way he takes care of you and the way he nourishes you. 

Fall for someone’s sincerity and true intention who is going to stay. Not someone who is going to run.

Life will happen in such random, fantastic, and fabulous ways that you’ll look back and laugh at the dots you connect and you’ll learn your missteps might not be the whisks but are still an important part of your life's choreography. 

So, dance.

Shimmy and shake and groove and move like a Gangnam style in your life and even when the tune is harsh and horrific, even when your moves feel dull and neglected, even when your feet hurt and your soul is sore, even when you can’t keep up anymore and your mind mistakes the music for madness.

Forget whipping and nae-naeing, just dance. 

I know sometimes it’s hard to see how you could be so broken that your bones hurt. I know when it feels like something is sinking within you. 

So you sit sad and confused about how things could ever turn around for you, but guess what? Things do. Plans change. Time heals.

Today might be that day when life won’t stay the same, so I beg you to maintain this modest, little mindset:

Just dance it away. 

The universe works in the wildest, weirdest ways. How does the brain, which lives without a spark of light, build for us a world full of light? 

Life may not be the party we hoped for, but while we are here we should let our soul dance. 

Don't underestimate your grit and persistence. 

We all come into existence as a single cell, smaller than a speck of dust. Much smaller. Divide. Multiply. Add and subtract. 

Matter changes hands, atoms flow in and out, molecules pivot, proteins stitch together, mitochondria send out their oxidative dictates; we begin as a microscopic electrical swarm. The lungs, the brain, and the heart. 

Forty weeks later, six trillion cells get crushed in the vise of our mother’s birth canal and we enter the world crying. 

Don't let one bitter experience dictate your life. Disappointment happens. Deal with it. It is never , ever about trusting the other person to not hurt us,let us down,cheat or lie. 

Ever. 

It is about trusting ourselves to emotionally handle the disappointment. It's not as though they passed a test, which makes them perfect. They're still human and so are you. We all screw up. 

Dance it all away. Dance, when you’re broken open.

Dance, if you’ve torn the bandage off. Dance, in the middle of the fighting.

Dance, in your blood.

Dance, when you’re perfectly free. 

Love,

Etincelle <3

No matter how much time you spend with one another, we will always be two separate people with two sovereign minds. 

If our partner doesn’t see things the same way we do, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not in love with us. 

It just means that we are two people who observe the world from different perspectives.The more we accept this reality, the more comfortable we can feel in accepting that we won’t agree on everything. 

By being honest with each other, we can know and accept each other for who we actually are, not who we want each other to be. 

In this scenario, neither one of us has to pretend to be someone else or try to fit an image or expectation. We can support each other for the things that make us who we are as individuals, that light us up and give our lives meaning.

 The willingness to be truthful, even when it’s uncomfortable, helps establish trust in each other and the relationship. 

An open exchange, no matter how hard it may feel, really does set us free; we can accept that we are two individuals who choose to be together despite our differences. 

Most important, when we make this choice, we can rest assured that it’s because we really love each other and not just because we are drawn to the fantasy of being together.

Living truthfully, things may not always have a fairy tale ending, but as human beings, we are resilient. 

We can handle our partner feeling attracted to someone else, and we can handle telling him or her when we feel insecure, afraid, or even furious. 

We can handle pretty much anything, as long as we are willing to live in reality and face the truths that exist. 

Honesty in relationships makes us feel secure, because we know where we stand. When we are honest with ourselves and our partner, we can experience the joy and excitement of living in a real relationship, in which we are being chosen for who we are.

Not everything we feel in a relationship will be warm and fuzzy. Yet being honest and direct with someone we love doesn’t mean we have to be hurtful or cruel. 

Sharing life with someone, we are bound to notice some of their negative tendencies and defenses that get in the way of our feelings of closeness and attraction. 

When we aren’t open with our partner about what we feel and observe, we may grow cynical or start building a case against them that actually distorts and exaggerates their flaws.

Instead of being overly critical or attacking angrily, we should aim to be vulnerable with our partner in exposing what we think and feel. We can say things like, 

“I miss you when you work all the time," or, "I feel less attracted to you when you act tough or not give me a pass for my emotional outburst".

These honest, direct statements may feel uncomfortable at times, but they come from a place of vulnerability and openness that can actually lead to more closeness and intimacy.

Believe me, when I say this that I am still learning this even at my age. But I am thankful that life has given me experiences and people that have opened my eyes to be a better partner. 

I feel, no body is a good partner inherently, we are not given diplomas and gold medals to be a loving partner in a relationship. We have to learn this on the job. 

And sometimes, this learning can become challenging if the other person has a very different personality. 

As my very good Engineer friend tells me " Relationship is like writing a code, First you'll discover 99 small bugs. Fix few bugs and runt it again. Now 117 new bugs are found. But the key here is fixing it. " 🙂 

Love <3

Etincelle 

No matter how much time you spend with one another, we will always be two separate people with two sovereign minds. 

If our partner doesn’t see things the same way we do, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re not in love with us. 

It just means that we are two people who observe the world from different perspectives.The more we accept this reality, the more comfortable we can feel in accepting that we won’t agree on everything. 

By being honest with each other, we can know and accept each other for who we actually are, not who we want each other to be. 

In this scenario, neither one of us has to pretend to be someone else or try to fit an image or expectation. We can support each other for the things that make us who we are as individuals, that light us up and give our lives meaning.

 The willingness to be truthful, even when it’s uncomfortable, helps establish trust in each other and the relationship. 

An open exchange, no matter how hard it may feel, really does set us free; we can accept that we are two individuals who choose to be together despite our differences. 

Most important, when we make this choice, we can rest assured that it’s because we really love each other and not just because we are drawn to the fantasy of being together.

Living truthfully, things may not always have a fairy tale ending, but as human beings, we are resilient. 

We can handle our partner feeling attracted to someone else, and we can handle telling him or her when we feel insecure, afraid, or even furious. 

We can handle pretty much anything, as long as we are willing to live in reality and face the truths that exist. 

Honesty in relationships makes us feel secure, because we know where we stand. When we are honest with ourselves and our partner, we can experience the joy and excitement of living in a real relationship, in which we are being chosen for who we are.

Not everything we feel in a relationship will be warm and fuzzy. Yet being honest and direct with someone we love doesn’t mean we have to be hurtful or cruel. 

Sharing life with someone, we are bound to notice some of their negative tendencies and defenses that get in the way of our feelings of closeness and attraction. 

When we aren’t open with our partner about what we feel and observe, we may grow cynical or start building a case against them that actually distorts and exaggerates their flaws.

Instead of being overly critical or attacking angrily, we should aim to be vulnerable with our partner in exposing what we think and feel. We can say things like, 

“I miss you when you work all the time," or, "I feel less attracted to you when you act tough or not give me a pass for my emotional outburst".

These honest, direct statements may feel uncomfortable at times, but they come from a place of vulnerability and openness that can actually lead to more closeness and intimacy.

Believe me, when I say this that I am still learning this even at my age. But I am thankful that life has given me experiences and people that have opened my eyes to be a better partner. 

I feel, no body is a good partner inherently, we are not given diplomas and gold medals to be a loving partner in a relationship. We have to learn this on the job. 

And sometimes, this learning can become challenging if the other person has a very different personality. 

As my very good Engineer friend tells me " Relationship is like writing a code, First you'll discover 99 small bugs. Fix few bugs and runt it again. Now 117 new bugs are found. But the key here is fixing it. " 🙂 

Love <3

Etincelle