Author: Sara Uzer

Are you allowed to use the word “crush??? seriously when you’re past the age of 12? Probably not. However, considering that phrases such as “on fleek??? are considered socially acceptable in this day and age, I believe that I should be granted the right to use it.

Crushes are weird. Sometimes you can’t even explain what it is about someone that draws you in, but it just does. Maybe you’re not even insanely attracted to them. Maybe something about them just sparks your attention, and you notice they have a way of consistently finding their way into your mind at any given moment.

When you’re more of an introverted girl, you’re not exactly batting your eye lashes and suggestively putting your hand on their knee. (Unless there’s tequila involved, of course.) The few signs you do demonstrate aren’t quite as blatantly obvious. They can also create awkward situations, or even be perceived as an indication that you are uninterested. Here are 5 things that shy girls do when they have a crush:

1. Laugh a lot. At everything.

Giggling is our natural reaction to nervousness. You’re probably not that funny – but we’re at a loss for words. Because you’re hot. 

Of course, the issues arise when the person begins talking about something on the serious side, and we laugh because we’re not sure what else to do or say. This can be misconstrued, and there’s a good chance that you may just look like an asshole. Good luck with that one!

2. Fidget like crazy.

I personally play with my hair. Others tap their feet, crack their knuckles, or even just kind of…shake?

Actually actually getting asked if we’re nervous is our own personal hell, even if the other person insists that it’s “adorable.” You weren’t supposed to notice! 

3. Use sarcasm aggressively.

Sarcasm is the flirtation technique that we feel the most comfortable using with the opposite sex. It’s playful, but not over the top. Of course, you may not find our cynicism to be endearing, or even believe that we hate you. To be fair, sometimes we actually do. If that’s the case, innocent sarcasm will transgress to snide, bitchy comments. Don’t worry – you’ll know. 

4. Maintain eye contact.

As shy individuals, eye contact isn’t our strong point. Remember how difficult it could be to maintain eye contact with your audience while giving a speech in school? Well, that’s how we feel all the time. Except there’s only one person in the audience, but it’s way more terrifying than speaking to your 6th grade class about Mesopotamia. 

Therefore, when we do engage in eye contact, it demonstrates our level of comfort and trust. As menial as the task may seem, locking eyes is actually a pretty big deal for us.

5. Have a general strategy in mind.

Shy girls are typically planners. We don’t speak without thinking, avoiding the risk of sounding stupid. So if we know we will be seeing you later, we’ve probably already imagined how we would ideally like the conversation to go.

However, I don’t mean going as far as writing out a detailed list of things to say, and practicing in front of the mirror. That’s just weird. (I can’t speak for everyone, though. Don’t forget to pretend it’s your grocery list when it falls out of your purse.)

College was a magical time. Essentially, we lived in a bubble where responsibilities were minimal, expectations were low, and blacking out regularly was not only considered acceptable – but highly encouraged.

What could be better? Well, a few things.

Although those 4 years were incredible (and sometimes downright insane), there are several aspects of college that we just really would not rather revisit. Here are five of them. 

1. Having the worst sleep schedule imaginable.

Maybe your neighbors threw parties every night of the week that were just too difficult to pass up. (Were they actually enrolled in classes? I will never know). Or maybe you engaged in frequent all-nighters due to your slight “procrastination problem”, which completely threw off your ability to get any shut-eye at a normal time when possible.

Whatever the issue was, none of us really ever got an adequate amount of sleep. Of course, at the time we pulled through. Our mentality became “sleep is for the weak”, and we chugged our Redbull triumphantly in order make it to that significantly important fraternity party. 

Once you graduate, you start to appreciate sleep more. Actually waking up feeling somewhat refreshed from time to time? You have to admit you don’t hate it.

2. The peer pressure to go out constantly, and being ostracized when you hint anywhere near the idea of staying in.

Most of us were pretty sociable throughout college – it was hard not to be, after all. However, maybe one night the mere thought of “shots, shots, shots” only leads to the desire to shoot yourself in the face.

Could you stay in? Of course not! If you dared to say the words, “I don’t really feel like drinking tonight”, your friends would most likely look at you like you had 3 heads. (Actually, you probably did look like you have 3 heads to them – they started drinking at noon.)

After college, it becomes perfectly admissible to stay in and watch Netflix on a Friday night. After all, we are tired from actually doing things at work, as opposed to sitting in the back of class clueless, only focused on texting your roommates about which pregame you’re heading to that night. 

Plus, staying in and relaxing actually becomes an attainable concept. When you are no longer in a college town, you won’t be woken up to booming Juicy J lyrics, or by that guy calling you 7 times at 3 AM because he “just wants to cuddle.” 

3. Being broke as a joke.

If you had a job during college, I applaud you. I did not, and neither did most of my friends. Therefore, when times were tough, the tough drank Burnett’s.

The worst was when we had to save a portion amount of money for important things such as textbooks and bills. Of course, this left us with limited money for alcohol. In those cases, you had better start flirting with someone, or it looks like you’re going to have to be Sober Sally tonight.

Post-college, hopefully you eventually start working and making an income. Actually having money for once is pretty awesome.  

4. Having an extremely limited food selection.

Everyone is aware of the Freshman 15. However, what are your options when the dining hall food is inedible, and the off-campus establishments resemble something that Honey Boo Boo’s family would frequent regularly? (If you’re all about that fried food, I don’t mean to offend anyone. However, at some point, enough is enough.)

Plus, as if we weren’t already poisoning our bodies with excessive amounts of alcohol, why not throw some heartburn and cholesterol problems into the mix too?

After college, engaging in a healthier lifestyle is much more plausible. As a result, you start to feel and look a lot better – and that’s just never a bad thing.

5. Living in a dorm.

When we were freshmen, we forced ourselves to endure the lack of privacy that accompanied dorm life. After all, this is COLLEGE. Look at all the freedom we have!

Freedom? That was not freedom. You could get written up for playing music too loud during “quiet hours”, or for having a candle in your room. You had to have regularly scheduled hall meetings, for crying out loud. It was like High School 2.0.

My R.A. was so adamant about forbidding us to engage in illegal behavior in the dorms, that she strongly encouraged us to participate in ….other activities, if you catch my drift. Her selling point was, “It’s a drug too, you guys!” I wish I were kidding, but sadly I am not.

As many friends that you may have made throughout your dorm experience (that you probably never talked to again after your first semester), communal bathrooms are just so not worth it.

College was great, but it had its downsides. The same way we have the tendency to reflect on a past relationship, we sometimes put too much emphasis on the good, and ignore the bad.

So next time you feel nostalgic and wish you had a time machine, try to remember these aspects that you would prefer not to suffer through again.

Of course, when all is said and done, sometimes you would still rather be a college student than a real, functioning member of society. And that’s okay – that’s what alumni weekend is for.

Whether it’s an important interview or a promising first date, we have all been in situations that have caused our stress levels to rise in anticipation. Typically, our racing thoughts can be attributed to the fear of the unknown. In these circumstances, we all have our own ways of reacting. For instance, while some of us may engage in a public meltdown, others shut down completely.

Additionally, while some individuals deal with anxious thoughts on a daily basis, others only experience it in rare, specific situations. (I envy those of you, by the way.) Regardless of how frequently it occurs, it’s no secret that increased stress levels can be difficult to manage.

Whatever the situation may be, here are some tips that can be beneficial in calming yourself down:

1. Reinforce the idea that thoughts are just that – Thoughts. 

I am fully aware that this is actually easier said than done. However, by continuously rehashing this concept, you will eventually learn to let your thoughts drift by without letting yourself attach to them.

Maybe you are worried about an upcoming presentation, and images of you tripping on your words or forgetting your main points are filling your mind. Redirect your focus to not the thoughts themselves – but what the thoughts are actually doing for you. Is imagining yourself messing up beneficial to you in any way? Are your negative thoughts actually helping you in preparation, or just setting you back in terms of your capabilities?

 It is also critical to understand that your thoughts don’t have the power beyond what you allow them to have. Therefore, you are not obligated to believe or act on them. So recognize them, and then let them go. Above all, remember this: Although you don’t always have control over your thoughts, you do have control over the way you choose to react to them.

2. Try a guided meditation.

 When I first heard about guided medications used to treat anxiety, I was skeptical. I immediately envisioned myself sitting cross-legged in an empty room and humming. Honestly, that image alone was nothing but hysterical. Needless to say, I was convinced that there was no way that this practice could ever benefit me.

However, on a day that I was feeling particularly on-edge, I decided to try one on YouTube out of curiosity. I was pleasantly surprised with how helpful the video actually was. Now I try to do at least one guided meditation a day (sometimes more, on days where I’m extra-stressed), and I have noticed a substantial reduction in my stress levels and anxious tendencies.

Guided meditations involve a soothing narrator gradually guiding the listener to achieving inner peace. These techniques include providing positive mantras, relaxing visualizations, and breathing control methods. The methods assist in increasing awareness, reducing stress, and generally promoting noticeable relaxation.

There are various guided meditation videos on YouTube, and I recommend trying different ones out to figure out what works best for your particular needs. Of course, there’s a chance that this stress-reduction method won’t work at all for you. However, give one a shot – you may be as surprised as I was.

3. Stop and smell the roses – Seriously.

 I have been in several stressful situations in the workplace, where staring at endless numbers on a computer screen only succeeded in making matters worse. So I got up and walked outside. Even if just for five minutes, a change of scene can really help you to clear your head and refocus your thoughts.

When you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s difficult to react calmly and effectively. Therefore, taking a quick breather is a great way to rejuvenate, and then go back and tackle the issue more rationally.

Is it pouring rain or snowing outside? Sit in your office lobby for a bit and people-watch. That cute guy from the elevator ride earlier that morning might miraculously walk by and wink at you again. By the way, he didn’t actually wink at you – that was only your delirium brought on by sleepless nights from stress. All jokes aside, though – allow yourself to take a break from your source of worry. Sometimes altering your surroundings can help you to change your perspective.

4. Listen to your music of choice.

We typically overlook music as a stress-relief tool. We may regard it is a waste of time, or feel that it won’t have a positive impact. However, our productivity levels go up when our stress levels go down. By focusing on the sounds and lyrics, we can prevent our mind from consistently wandering to negative places. As a result, we prevent the chance of getting sidetracked by our worries.

Personally, I enjoy listening to calming music during peak stress moments. While soothing voices and sounds won’t necessarily make your worries disappear for good, it can certainly help.

 Listening to happy, upbeat songs can be helpful in reducing anxiety levels as well. If you prefer this approach, make a new playlist for your morning commute. Traffic is always irritating, but jamming out to your favorite throwbacks throughout it all isn’t always so bad.

What were we so stressed out about anyway?

Anxiety typically hinders our daily life. It interferes with our mood, affects our behavior negatively, and causes us to become overwhelmed with feelings of nervousness and dread. Even worse, sometimes we have the tendency to magnify these symptoms and get angrier with ourselves for feeling them. However, even though anxiety may seem like the worst thing in the world, there are potentially positive effects.

You might be thinking, “Nah, I’m pretty sure if there was somehow a way to punch anxiety in the face, I would do it.” I’ve thought the same thing multiple times.

However, anxiety isn’t always a negative thing. In fact, it can help us out more than you may think.

1. It can be a boost of motivation…

All that stress you’re experiencing about your upcoming cumulative exam? Of course, it’s irritating. The seemingly endless flashcards and highlighted notes are enough to make you want to quit right then and there. The thing is, you don’t. You work harder – and that’s what anxiety does.

Anxiety helps create an incentive for you to be successful. Although the feelings can be unpleasant, we still use them as drive to perform to the best of our abilities. As a result, we can often accomplish our goals because of the motivation that anxiety brings.

Plus, at the end of the day, you won’t be dwelling on the long miserable hours you put in studying. You’ll instead be focusing on that “A” you got.

2. It allows for empathy and the ability to better understand others…

It can be difficult to explain our issues to other people, especially when the problem can seem insignificant to them. You may be having a meltdown about misspelling a word in an email to a potential employer, and your friend may insist, “Chill – he probably won’t even notice.” Unfortunately, the word “chill” isn’t exactly in an anxious person’s vocabulary.

Those that have dealt with anxiety throughout their life are often more like to relate others’ issues. Therefore, they are a great friend to turn to for advice and comfort. Since an individual susceptible to anxiety can relate on a personal level, they are able to provide valuable insight.

Additionally, those times when you have confided in someone, and the response you get is “I know how you feel”? Well, anxious people actually do.

3. It can make you more aware and allow for self- growth…

Your boyfriend may seem like the one for you, but you just can’t shake those warning signs that he’s hung up on his ex. Are you just being paranoid, or is it time to move on?

Maybe your job helps you pay the bills, but it’s also slowly crushing your soul. Your boss did promise you a promotion… but that was 6 months ago. You’re starting to worry that you’re stuck stuffing envelopes forever, and you’re losing sleep because of it. Are you just thinking negatively, or is it time to find employment elsewhere?

At times, anxiety is comprised of unrealistic thoughts. However, consistent anxiety in a certain area can indicate that adjustments need to be made. Anxiety shines a light on problematic situations, and can help you determine whether to take action.

Therefore, it’s important to focus on what the anxiety is specifically telling you. It could be that spin in the right direction that you have needed. And who would have thought we’d have anxiety to thank for that?

Sarcasm is a form of art. There is a fine line between being playfully witty, and just a downright ass. When done correctly, sarcasm can be pretty attractive. Here are 5 reasons why:

1. It shows that you’re smart: Thinking of a witty comeback doesn’t come easily to everyone. The proven ability to think quickly, and instantaneously offer a humorous comment? It shows that you are a sharp person. I think I can speak for most of us when I say that we are typically attracted to smart individuals. Although many attractive people are out there, sometimes all of the lights are on but nobody’s home.

2. It demonstrates that you have a good sense of humor: Of course, dark, dry humor doesn’t sit well with everybody. Therefore, you should simply avoid those people at all costs. Just kidding – but seriously.

3. You leave an element of mystery: Sometimes having to decipher whether the person is joking or not is actually kind of fun. Or it can drive you crazy. Either way, you’re thinking of them, aren’t you?

4. It’s a successful method of flirting, leaving out the overused pick-up lines.

“You must be tired from running through my dreams all night.???

 “How much does a polar bear weigh? Enough to break the ice!???

 “Hey, I know this is weird… but you look a lot like my next girlfriend.???

Okay so hopefully, most people don’t actually use these pickup lines, or anything similar. However, adding a bit of sarcastic wit to a typically dry delivery of small talk (The basic “where are you from???, “what do you do,??? etc), can spice up the conversation. 

Would you rather hear the basic “Let me buy you a drink, beautiful???, or “I’m really glad the DJ has been playing the same top 40 songs on repeat all night.??? Sarcasm can successfully draw you in, and serves to keep you intrigued.

5. It forms a connection: By being sarcastic with another person, you are suggesting that they “get??? you. In other words, they understand the underlying message that you are trying to convey. You always have the option of faking a connection by stalking their social media and feigning an interest in their specific passions. Or you can be your sarcastic self when conversing with someone, and a connection may magically form on its own.

What is it about not being able to have something that makes it SO much more appealing? This concept isn’t solely limited to relationships…

It can be relevant in a variety of lifestyle choices such as dieting (Swearing off carbs? A jumbo bowl of spaghetti never sounded so enticing.), or career changes (You were never much of a drinker, but now that you’re receiving happy hour snap chats when you’re stuck in the office? Showering yourself in tequila sounds pretty good right about now.)

Bottom line? The unattainable is instantly more attractive. And frankly, why wouldn’t it be? If something is easy to for us to obtain, it becomes boring and you lose interest fairly quickly.

Take this scenario for instance… You’ve been on a few dates with a new guy, and things are going pretty well. You can always count on him to text you throughout your work day, which is nice and keeps you entertained. 

Eventually, though, you start to find his texts a little annoying. You grow tired of keeping up with the incessant small talk, and start to think: How many forced 'haha’s' do I really have to throw in, before I can just admit that his lame attempts to be funny are really not working?

Then, one random Tuesday night, you’re refreshing your Twitter notifications (totally expected more than 3 favorites on that last tweet. It was golden.), and it hits you… That guy hasn’t texted you all day. 

Unusual, right? You ponder it for a little, but then shrug it off and figure he must have been busy, and it’s no big deal. But then a couple more days go by, and you still haven’t heard a thing from him. What’s going on? You couldn’t possibly text him first – that’s just completely unheard of. More importantly, though, why is this bothering you so much? 

Previously, you were starting to get annoyed with his constant texting and consistent effort to actually… oh, I don’t know, show that he was interested? 

Of course, now that he’s pulled a disappearing act, all you want is for his name to show up on your phone again to remind yourself that he still cares. 

Sound familiar, anyone?

It’s situations like these that demonstrate how much we enjoy the chase, regardless of whether we care to admit it or not.

Of course, it’s not only girls that fall victim to this way of thinking. That guy who treated you pretty shitty when you guys were “talking" aka hanging out but never actually putting a label on it? 

He may have shied away from commitment then, but as soon as you're dating someone else, and he knows he can’t have you anymore? Naturally, he will now go on to insist that he's ready to commit. Once again, this twisted way of thinking presents itself.

So what can we learn from all of this? How to differentiate between two crucial questions: Are you really interested in pursuing this individual, or does it just look appealing now because they are out of reach? 

Therefore, understanding this “wanting what we can’t have” phenomenon is beneficial. It helps us determine if something is actually important to us, or if we are just falling victim to the forbidden territory trap.

Being a vertically-challenged female has its perks, and it has its setbacks as well.

Although we never have to worry about being taller than a guy (even in our highest heels), we also get our fair share of obnoxious comments from time to time. 

Especially when surrounded by a new group of people, someone will inevitably direct the attention to your height at some point. Girl, you're not alone.  

The following are several phrases that us short girls are often forced to endure:

1. So… are you a legal midget? Well, that's a confidence-booster, if I've ever heard one. As a 4'11 girl (go ahead and laugh it up), I've heard various explanations. While I've read that below 5 ft tall is considered a midget, I've also been told that it's anything 4'9 and below. Regardless, I'm short. Let's all move on now.
2. "How's the weather down there?" You should do stand-up. Seriously – you're hilarious. 
3. "I can use you as an arm rest!" Yes you can, but I'd prefer it if you didn't. Of course, sometimes people take the plunge and just go ahead and do it anyway. I can only fake-smile for so long, before slithering away and making a mental note to avoid you for the rest of the night. 
4. "Can you even reach the pedals when you drive?" After several adjustments, yes. It's a sensitive subject, okay? I'm looking in to hiring my own personal driver in the near future. 
5. "You're so tiny and cute!" This can go either way. If it's an attractive guy, it can be dealt with. If it's a random girl at the bar who keeps calling you "honey" and saying things like, "Oh my god! I feels so bad for you – the bartender probably isn't serving you because he can't see you!"?  Well, I think it's safe to say that we can all do without that.
6. "You're not short, you're fun-sized!" For some reason, I've gotten this a lot. I'm not sure where this quote even derived from, but I'm really never quite sure how to respond. "You're normal-sized but… you're still fun?" Needless to say, things just start to get a little awkward. 
7. "You can sit in the middle, you're the smallest." Wait, I really get that honor? Wow, thank you! You are far too kind. 
8. "No, you don't get to steal away the tall guys. Leave them for us tall girls." I mean, since I clearly have a mob of 6'5 guys lined up at my door waiting to date me… I guess I just have to tell them no. Out of courtesy to you, of course.