“Dear Anxiety..

“Dear Anxiety..

 

We’ve been through a lot together. In fact, it’s hard to remember a time without you there. You’ve shown up uninvited to some of the most important experiences of my life.

 

You’ve created fictional stories in my head that have ruined relationships with other people, myself and even my body. How can I let anyone love me when I’m afraid to love myself?

 

I pick myself apart and notice every imperfection. Every mark, roll and hair that society says shouldn’t be there, you magnify. You make the mirror my enemy but I can’t look away. You constantly assure me that other people see me the way I see myself.

 

You turn moments that are supposed to be light and fun to dark and heavy. You drown out laughter with insecurity and tears. You cut beautiful moments short with your negativity and fear.

 

You create unsolvable problems where solutions and growth should occur. No matter how much time has passed, you replay the trauma over and over like a broken record.  You’ve made the past a trap and the prospect of a different future improbable.

 

You tell me that I can’t when I know I can. You tell me that I’m unlovable when I know in my heart that I am worthy of love. You tell me that I am in constant danger even when the sun is shining and I am safe.

 

You make me question my own judgement and instincts. I can’t trust my gut anymore because the lines between you and reality are so blurry and confusing. You ruin good memories with overthinking and what if’s.

 

You make it nearly impossible to trust people and form new connections. You throw red flags and judgements instead of compassion and humility.

 

You’re difficult to explain to people who don’t know you as intimately as I do.

 

You make it daunting to ask for help because you’ve convinced me that I’m a burden. You make me constantly fear rejection but always expect it to come.

 

When you show up, I feel like I’m only living as a shell of my true self. You steal the adventures I dream about and sell them back to me as dangerous and unattainable.

 

You make simple things like solo jogs and vulnerability feel like mountains I’ll never be able to climb.

 

I know it won’t happen overnight but one day I won’t have to triple check the locks or second guess myself. One day I’ll realize I haven’t seen you in awhile and that breathing feels easier.

 

One day I’ll realize all those trips to therapy, books I read and friends I shared hard things with.. They were all baby steps leading me up the side of that messy, jagged mountain.

 

One day I’ll be able to stand strong with my head held high. I’ll feel a cool, refreshing breeze as I come to the invigorating realization that I made it to the top.

 

One day I’ll think of you and smile because you didn’t win. “

 

About The Author
Steph Nelson is a self help enthusiast with a side of comedic relief.

When she’s not laughing at her own jokes or on a therapy couch, she’s encouraging other women to get curious about their own emotional health.

She spends her free time with her husband and babies (both fur and human.)

15 WTF Ways Guys Orgasm

You and I both know you’ve sat with your girlfriends and exchanged hook up stories over drinks. I bet you know more about their boyfriends and exes than you really want to.  

Just like us women, men come in all shapes and sizes. They each have their own style and personality and that always shows in the bedroom.

No two sexual partners are the same. Some guys have rhythm in the sack while others are just awkward and inexperienced. Some have small penises but others were blessed with larger endowments.

Although it’s not a cumulative list, here are 15 of the most common (and irritating) male orgasm styles:

1. The Jackhammer- He’s just about there when all of a sudden he starts acting like your vagina is an old sidewalk and he’s an entire construction crew attacking it. GTFO.

2. The Seizure- He’s convulsing and making weird faces that you’ve never seen before. It’s not attractive. 

3. The Flopping Fish– His whole body is out of control. Calm down catfish, calm down.

4. The Screamer – Is Micheal Myers hiding in the corner or do you just need the neighbors to hear?

5. Daddy- “Yeah baby, daddy’s home, daddy’s home!” Gag.

6. Silent but deadly- His wide-eyed, creepy, silent stare is really killin’ the vibe.

7. The Michael- Where do I know these high pitch squealing noises from? Oh right, every Michael Jackson song. He can hit the notes, you can’t; just stop.

8. Winded Warrior- He’s panting so hard you’re actually worried about his health. 

9. Mr. Sensitive- Now is really not the time to talk about your feelings. *Facepalm*

10. Snoozer- How do you go from humping to snoring in 30 seconds? He falls asleep even faster than he cums. 

11. The Explorer- “Uh where do you want me to cum?!” Panic sets in quickly when you don’t answer fast enough.  

12. Pet Namer- “Yeah baby, right there sexy, ohhhh I’m gonna cum boo boo love sex machine..” I’m sorry, whaaaaat the fuck did you just call me? 

13. The Spartan- I guess he thinks he’s Gerard Butler in the movie 300, fighting a raging battle to invade your vagina with his little warrior penis. Why are you being so aggressive? Chill man.

14. Surprise Facial- Sticky eyes are never fun. In the words of Amy Schumer “Uhhhh I’m not mad, I’m not mad. GET ME SOMETHING. I’m not gonna Stevie Wonder my way into the bathroom!”

15. Head Banger- This guy isn’t a rock music fan, he just thinks it’s cool to aggressively shove your head down and force his penis into your throat. Not cool, not even a little bit.

We may not ever understand men or why they do the things they do, especially during sex. But ladies, we can definitely laugh about it. 

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What Happens in Your 20's Definitely Doesn't Stay in Your 20's

“Your 20’s are for being selfish!” They said.

“Party and play in your 20’s, don’t settle down until your 30s!” They said.

Your 20’s aren’t a free pass to be an asshole.

It's not an excuse to be shit faced Thursday-Sunday, not taking your education or your job seriously and treating the people you date like shit? Absolutely not.

Go out and drink a little, meet strangers and spend time in new places.

You can experience life without trying every drug known to man. 

Also, fun fact, a criminal record does NOT go away just because you’re in your 20’s.

You’re still a grown ass adult and you should act like one.

Pay off your debts and learn good money habits so you don’t start your 30’s with a 500 credit score and debt up to your eyeballs.

If you learn to have self-control when you drink and go out in your 20’s, your 30’s won’t have to be a wake-up call, a decade to recover from or a trip to rehab.

Waking up on your 30th birthday single, in debt, hungover and sad that you have nothing to show for the last decade of your life.

You end up rushing around in your dating life, panicking and settling for the first person who appears, starting a family later than you ever really wanted to and with no money to support your sudden urge to get married and procreate.

Don’t waste away an entire decade of your life on things that you will look back on and want to smack yourself for. 

Make memories that you can look back on and smile about for years to come. Use this time wisely, you deserve it.

Set yourself up to kick ass in your 30’s, your future self will thank you.

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If You're Feeling Like the Life You're Living Just Isn't for You, Remember This

There comes a day where you wake up after being a shit show the night before and decide it’s time to leave the party scene for good.

You lie in bed and look at the stranger next to you with that nagging guilt jolting through you. 

The throbbing in your head reminds you how much you’ve been abusing your body. Your nightstand filled with empty food wrappers and the shame of all of your not so great choices consume you.

You tell yourself "This time, I mean it. I'm done doing this kind of stuff." 

You decide that this isn’t the life you want anymore. That you can and will do better than this life you've been living. But walking away from the toxic people, alcohol and even drugs for some is no easy feat.

It’s literally starting over in every area of your life all while dealing with all the shady decisions you made while in the midst of your drunken stupor. You ask yourself, “Now what?”

One of the hardest realizations at this point is your friends. You’ve been through so much with these people and shared so many laughs and memories. 

Soon after you decide to sober up, those “best friends” of yours are nowhere to be found.

Why is that? Because most of them weren’t your real friends to begin with, they were your party friends. If they don’t stand by you through sobriety and happily take part in your sober hobbies with you, it’s time to make new friends who will.

Another big obstacle as you change your life for the better is getting to know the sober you and forgiving the drunk you, too. You might have made some choices or said some things in the past while intoxicated that make your stomach turn now.

Remember that forgiving yourself is an important step to moving forward. 

Cut yourself some slack and make amends with the people you hurt whenever you can.

Make new memories too. Because living in the past and beating yourself up forever will never allow you to really be happy and become the person you want to be.

As you get to know your sober self, you might find that being social while sober is a lot harder than you realized. The drunk you is a social butterfly, why does it feel so awkward to interact with people now? Give it time, this will pass as you adjust to your new lifestyle.

Find out what the new you really loves. 

Maybe it’s a hobby, a class or a career that you never took the time to realize you had an interest in. It’s amazing how much stronger and open your mind is when your body is healthy and thinking clearly.

Sometimes your mind is ready to change but the addictions you acquired don’t seem to be ready to let go at the same time. 

Be strong and remember why you are doing this. 

Those addictions — whether it be alcohol, drugs, sex or anything else — don’t define you and they sure as hell don’t get to control you anymore. Don’t be afraid to seek help if you need it, it could literally save your life.

Learn to love your own company, because your relationship with yourself is the most important. 

You will lose a lot of friends and maybe even family as you make this change but that’s okay. When you learn to love and take care of yourself, the right people will come into your life.

Have faith in yourself, because it will get you through this.

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What It Really Feels Like To Fall In Love Online

It hits you out of nowhere. First it’s just a follow request or a quick swipe from some handsome guy online. Then comes the first message that just feels like a little confidence boost, no big deal.

All of a sudden, the messages keep going and going. It goes from talking online to texting, calling and eventually Facetime…  For hours upon hours.

You feel so comfortable, like you have known him for years. Why is it so easy to be myself with him?

Almost daily you ask yourself what the fuck is going on. This person lives a million miles away, it can never work.

But yet, you Just. Can’t. Stop. You realize that this online stranger knows more about you, your life and your past than anyone ever has before.

This seemingly innocent online flirting has turned into real feelings. He says he loves you and you say it back, with the same butterflies as the first time your first love told you he loved you.

There is something really special about creating a connection with someone by only talking. There is no confusion about being used only for your body. It’s just a raw spark between two like-minded people.

You become obsessed with finding out if this person is everything they say they are.

It starts to consume you. You daydream about the day you finally meet in person. What will it feel like to be in his arms for the first time? What will the first kiss feel like?

Will things be the same when we are face to face? What will he think of my unfiltered face and body?

Even worse, what if it never actually happens and I never get these firsts with him? We have told each other our deepest secrets but what if none of it is real?

Your friends and family think you’re crazy. They just don’t understand the deep connection that you are feeling. They ask, “How can you be in love with someone you have never met?” They understandably worry about your safety when you tell them you want to go meet him. 

You don't have an answer for them, none of it makes sense to you either. 

The thing is, all these doubts and all the confusion still won’t stop you. Sure, you can go out and try to meet someone new. But while you’re sitting across the table from your date, your mind is elsewhere.

He’s all you can think about. You feel guilty because what if this IS REAL? Does this count as cheating?

Here I am, on a date with a perfectly nice man IN REAL LIFE but yet, it doesn’t matter.

The truth is, falling in love online is painful. It feels the same as falling in love in person except you are constantly second guessing it and constantly missing someone who may or may not even exist.

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18 Quotes That Are Literally Your Twenties to a T

Being in your 20s can be a scary and confusing shit show, but also invigorating, unforgettable and filled with lessons that you can carry with you for life. It’s all in what you make it.

“Every woman in her late 20s goes through a period where she just doesn’t believe love is out there anymore, but it is. And I think the minute you stop looking for it is when it comes for you.” – Kristen  Bell

“I’m never so sure as I was in my mid-20s.” –Meryl Streep

“When I was in my twenties, it felt like I was riding wild horses, and I was hoping I didn’t go over a cliff.” – Chaka  Khan

“I think your 20s are the hardest part of life. I mean, everyone goes on about how hard it is to be a teenager, but actually I think it’s tougher to be in your 20s because you’re expected to be a grownup and expected to earn your own living and be successful and I think you feel like a kid still.” – Nigel Cole

“Positive, healthy, loving relationships in your twenties… I don’t know if anyone would disagree with it: I think they’re the exception, not the norm. People are either playing house really aggressively because they’re scared of what an uncertain time it is, or they’re avoiding commitment altogether.” – Lena Dunham

“I lived my twenties in a very public manner and if anyone’s twenties are documented it’s not always going to be pretty.” – Sienna  Miller

“I thought I knew everything about love and relationships in my 20s, the ignorance of youth is bliss. As you get older, you start to realize that you don’t really know anything and life is a great traveling journey. Life is unexpected… You just never know what’s going to happen. –Reese Witherspoon

“As a kid I had dreams about being successful, thinking it would be cool. Then, when I was in my 20s, I really thought I had it much more figured out than I do now.” – Ben Stiller

“If I could have talked to my 19- or 20-year-old self, I would have said, ‘You’re going to be fine. It ain’t that serious!'” -Queen Latifah

“When I was in my 20s, I was a lost soul. Your 20s are about finding your soul.” –Oprah Winfrey

“The 20s? My title for that period of my life would be, ‘It was the Worst of Times, it was the Worst of Times…’ Did I mention it was the hardest time of my life?” -Lisa Kudrow 

“I think we should stop asking people in their 20s what they ‘want to do’ and start asking them what they don’t want to do.” -Amy Poehler

“It made me want to look at myself and see what behavior I want to bring into my 30s, and what I want to leave in my 20s… I’m such a people-pleaser and from an unstable background. I translate too many things into guilt. I’m ready to let go of that,” -Drew Barrymore told People on her 30th birthday.

“It was the age where I reevaluated everything — how I approached life and how I thought about myself. When I look at my 20s, or when I look at any period in my life, I think about how much time I’ve wasted trying to find the right man. It’s like, if I could go back and do it again, I would have taken guitar lessons or something. I would have put my energy into something that paid off in the end, instead of trying to improve myself for men. Oh, the time and the energy, trying to impress somebody who was actually a big jerk.” – Amy Adams

“How we talk to ourselves matters. Even our worst enemies don’t talk about us the way we talk to ourselves. I call this voice the obnoxious roommate living in our head. It feeds on putting us down and exploiting and magnifying our insecurities and doubts. I wish someone would invent a tape recorder that we could attach to our brains to record everything we tell ourselves. It would shock us to hear it played back.” -Arianna  Huffington

“You’ll be fine. You’re 25. Feeling [unsure] and lost is part of your path. Don’t avoid it. See what those feelings are showing you and use it. Take a breath. You’ll be okay. Even if you don’t feel okay all the time.” – Louis C.K., Untitled

“Your 20s were for ‘ducking up,’ as my auto-correct would say, and learning from those mistakes. Now you get to live with that knowledge under your belt… I’m hitting a major milestone: 30, or as I like to call it, the Cut the Bullshit and Go Be Awesome stage.” -Olivia  Wilde

“I’m actually happier with my body now… because the body I have now is the body I’ve worked for. I have a better relationship with it. From a purely aesthetic point of view, my body was better when I was 22, 23. But I didn’t enjoy it. I was too busy comparing it to everyone else’s” -Cindy Crawford

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A Round of Applause to the People Doing Direct Sales on Social Media

We all have friends, family and/or co-workers who sell things like body wraps, workout programs, skin care, leggings and lots of other things. These sales people are known for posting a lot on social media about their businesses and sliding into your DMs proposing your chance to join their team or buy their product.

I have seen a lot of angry statuses about these people and comments with rude remarks on their posts. It seems like these business owners constantly have to defend their decision to join the company they work for.

My question to all the people who are reacting so negatively to these entrepreneurs is this; Have you ever been in a sales position before? It can be terrifying and extremely stressful to have an income that relies solely on sales.

They are posting all the time because they care about what they’re selling and they are working hard to achieve a goal.

They don’t get paid when they don’t sell things. They don’t have the luxury of screwing around for half of their day at work because they’re tired or “it’s Friday and everyone does it.”

They don’t get paid time off. They don’t have holiday pay. Bills are still due and their families still need fed regardless of how many sales they have that month.

Direct sales people have serious balls.

It’s not easy getting rejected 90% of the time and still not giving up on your dream. That my friends, is called dedication.

They get called names and told to F@$# off more times in a month than most people do in a lifetime. Sales people develop a thick skin and somehow maintain a smile through it all.

Some of these positions have allowed them the flexibility to spend more time with their kids and spouses. Some of these people are selling on the side because they need the extra money for their student loans or their kid’s school trip.

They are on a mission to find financial freedom and freedom with their time, a dream everyone has. I am so proud of them for going for it, something not everyone has the kahunas to do.

To my friends in direct sales, keep going. Don’t let all the negativity stop you. I see you working your tails off and that’s something to be proud of.

Sales take a lot of consistency and a lot of hard work that sometimes takes a long time to pay off. Just know that I am cheering for you and the people in your lives who truly care are cheering for you too.

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22 Signs Your Relationship Is the One Everyone Wishes They Had

Every relationship slowly evolves in many ways the longer you're together. The gross stuff starts out as not shaving for a day and over time evolves into asking if your armpits smell.

I love it. Being comfortable with the gross day-to-day stuff can lead to being more comfortable with your whole relationship.

1.You shit with the door wide open. The conversation doesn't stop and if you're lucky you might even get a kiss too.

2. You can pig out on junk food without judgment. He probably picked it all up for you too.

3. He knows all the drama. You share your friend and work drama with him. He responds “That bitch did whattttt?”

4. He doesn’t care that you aren’t on top of shaving all the time anymore. Still wanna have sex? Um Duh!

5. He will actually tell you when your outfit looks bad. Finally, a real male opinion!

6. He knows your period schedule. He isn’t even surprised when you’re grumpy, he just gets you chocolate and watches your chick flicks with you. He’s the real MVP.

7. You know each other’s takeout order by heart. Easy peesey.

8. He buys your tampons. And he knows what size and brand. Unscented. Obviously. 

9. You talk to his mom more than he does. She probably likes you more than him at this point.

10. You talk about your future. Chatting about your wedding and what your future kids will be like isn’t even scary anymore.

11. You pop each other’s pimples. Followed by “Ohhh that was a good one!”

12. You're actually best friends. He’s always your first call after something big or small happens and you’re always his.

13. It’s hard to sleep without each other. You toss and turn and feel all out of sorts when he’s not there.

14. You have more couple friends than single friends. Double dates for the win!

15. The little things now mean way more than the big things. Okay, the gifts and love notes were great but taking out the trash and doing the dishes is way more of a turn on now.

16. You’ve tried each other’s products. He loves your mud mask and how soft his skin is after. Guy’s razors are sooooo much better!

17. When you’re apart, the struggle is real. He usually carries your bags but now that he isn’t here, you totally get why he complains about your overpacking habit.

18. You watch the same Netflix shows. And you actually get pissed when he watches ahead without you. WE ARE ONE.

19. He’s high fived you after a fart. Why? I don’t know but I love it anyways.

20. Morning breath isn’t a concern anymore. No, we don’t need to brush our teeth before kissing in the morning.

21. Your pet names have evolved. Babe is still used sometimes but so is dickhead, fucker and asshole. Ahhh the romance.

22. None of this gross stuff is a turn-off. You are still very much attracted to each other, maybe even more now since you are so comfortable with one another.

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16 Totally Distracting Thoughts We All Have When We Get It on in the Shower

Sex in the shower, pool and hot tub all sound so sexy and fun in theory. The media makes it seem so steamy, sensual and glamorous. Hell, they make it look so easy! The reality is, it can be a nightmare.  

Before you embark on these experiences the first time, you have high expectations from all the movies, books, and magazines talking these sexcapades up. I hate to break it to you but the real life experience is nothing like that. 

1. This is going to be so fucking hot. I’m thinking 50 Shades Darker shower sex. Ahhhh!

2. No really, it’s so hot in here. Like it’s gotta be 150 degrees in this bathroom.

3. My hair is wet! S.O.S. my hair is actually wet! I have to condition after this now. Ugh.

4. Ouchhhhhhhhhhhhh. Water is not the same as lube. I repeat, water is not the same as lube!

5. Okay, it’s in, we got this. Yassssssss.

6. And it’s out. Good luck getting it back in. Fuck my life.

7. I wonder how much makeup is on my face? I think it’s even in my mouth. What is happening?

8. I bet I look like a raccoon. No not bet, I definitely do.

9. Oh, shit he slipped. Don’t laugh. Do not laugh.

10. Definitely laughed. Hahahaha no concussion? Cool, let’s keep attempting this thing.  

11. This shower is way too fucking small for this. I can't move. 

12. Can you actually get pregnant in a hot tub? I should have Googled this first.

13. Wait, I wonder how many other people have had sex in here? Gag.

14. My eyes, my poor eyes. There's hair, makeup, water, soap, and god knows what else in my eyes at this point. 

15. There is no more hot water!!! But I'm kinda fine with it, we can finally move this party somewhere dry. 

16. Okay, water sex is the worst. Never doing this shit again. 

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When It Feels Like You Won't Be Able to Trust Anyone Again, Read This

I know your heart feels like it’s in a million pieces right now. Like you’re on an emotional roller coaster that you never asked to ride.

One second you feel so angry you can’t see straight and the next you feel defeated and insecure. That ache in your chest makes it seem impossible to ever let anyone into your life again.

You might feel stupid and like it’s partially your fault. You should have known better. Maybe it could have worked if you had done something differently.

Maybe you aren’t pretty enough or thin enough to deserve him. Maybe if you hadn’t opened up to him about your past he wouldn’t have done this.

Do you want to know the truth?

The truth is that you are perfect just the way you are. You are not stupid. He’s a fucking idiot for letting someone go who is so kind, funny and thoughtful.

You are beautiful inside AND out. Every bit of you deserves love and loyalty. You are strong for opening yourself up to another person, which is not always easy.

The truth is that he doesn’t deserve you.

You have so many amazing things to offer this world. Finding out who he truly is allows you to move on with your life without wasting any more time on someone who is all wrong for you.

You can’t find the right person while wasting time with the wrong one. Now that you are free from his manipulation, you can start your next chapter. Now, you are going to heal and be stronger than you ever have been before.

I know right now it feels like your world is shattered and will never be the same. Honestly, it won’t be the same, it will be better.

You can take all the lessons that you have learned and embrace your new scars. You have the freedom to go out there and do things just for yourself.

Sometimes hitting rock bottom is a good thing. When you build yourself up all on your own, you come out on top feeling powerful, like you can handle anything that life throws at you.

When you eventually meet someone new and are considering a relationship, don’t be afraid. Have faith in yourself, you know what to look for this time.

You have survived heartache and when you meet your forever person, it will all be worth it. It will be worth it to feel genuine love from the person who will appreciate you and remain faithful. The right person will be so happy that you didn't give up on love. 

You will soon see that this relationship was just a chapter, don’t close the book. The best is yet to come.

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