Author: Taylor Waidanz

Defining the relationship; no one likes it but we all must grin and bear it in order to get what we want. Either you have the conversation and let what will may or you never face it and let it fizzle. So what happens when we have definitely crossed the boundary of just a fling yet haven’t entered the stage in which a label is appropriate? 

Things are advancing quickly and you know you care about each other but it just hasn’t been long enough to use the term “boyfriend” or “girlfriend”. Are we so attached to labels that we have forgotten how to let a relationship grow at it’s own pace? 

We live in a society in which we get what we want when we want it. With Tinder to provide us with dates on command, GrubHub to get us food at the drop of a hat, and Uber to get us where we need to be with virtually no wait time, do we expect the same of our relationships? 

We meet someone and have the luxury of immediately either deciding that we like them or kicking them to the curb with a laundry list of other options sitting in our chat inboxes. There’s no need to waste time because we can get exactly what we want. Whether that’s simply sex or a full blown relationship. 

However, I’m arguing that this urgency with which we approach our love lives cheapens the emotional complexity of our romantic partnerships. The words “relationship”, “boyfriend”, “girlfriend”, and “love” simply don’t mean what they used to. We’re all guilty of falling for someone fast, it’s the hopeless romantic in us, and we rush to using these labels because of the perfect image we have in our mind. Often this means that we ignore the future implications and commitment that they imply which makes us doomed from the start and to repeat the same mistakes again. 

The time in which two people have decided that they care for one another and are past the frivolousness of hooking up while not having the pressure of commitment in a relationship is arguably one of the most important times in dating. It’s the time to get to know someone with no expectations, the time to have fun, and when you learn how to respect both them and yourself in the context of a relationship. 

This is how commitment to one another evolves and eventually love can come to fruition. A truly deep and meaningful type of love that is not just shallow or built for social media but the kind that the sappy romantic in you yearns for. It’s the rush you feel after a first kiss, the reason we still cry when we watch the Notebook, and a comfort we should all hope to know one day.

As hard as she tries, she will never be the most poised girl in the room, she has never been on time in her life, and the stains on her shirt are the least of her worries.

She’s just trying to mask the fact that she ran all the way there to still be fifteen minutes late and sweat through her shirt. 

Every day is messy, and she loves it. 

She commends the girls who always seem to have it together, but she will never be one of them, so instead she laughs every chance she gets. She constantly makes fun of herself, and there is so much freedom in that. 

Because she doesn’t mind looking silly so it takes away the power from things and people that can who can get her down. 

Unfortunately, it is not something that just happens after one blunder, though. She has to arrive to the wrong place, say the wrong thing, and cry in public many times before she decides that laughing is a much better reaction. 

Life is long and she’s going to make a lot of mistakes, so why not have fun with it?  

It feels like she’s told she must do and have it all, so if she messes up it completely ruins that plan. This is just untrue. 

If she was a stiletto wearing robot, life would be horrible. Girls who make mistakes, and get back up are the ones who get the most out of life. She gets the privilege of learning persistence and gain unique lessons. 

She has been very embarrassed in her twenty-something years, but these moments have led her to some of her best friends, helped her learn some amazing things about herself, and make for some pretty great stories. 

She’s not going to tell anyone life is all about the journey or something lame like that. 

She’s someone who understands that it might not be so bad and it will happen again. So she’ll continue to laugh it off and accept she will never achieve perfection. 

Her wild, messy life is definitely the one she wants to keep, even if it doesn’t feel like it sometimes. 

Just remember next time you are running down the street late to work and spilling coffee on your shirt, there is another girl in another city doing the same exact thing.

Everyone is hiding something. Whether it be a tumultuous childhood, a health issue, a bad relationship, or something they believe is entirely unheard of. We hide things for fear of what others may think, because they do not fit into what society expects of us. Note that I used the word “we”. I am hiding plenty of things. I also things because I think I will be rejected. What we should remember, though, is that these things do not define us. 

I love my parents with my whole heart, but who they are does not determine anything about me. Mistakes I made up until this very moment do not dictate what I will do tomorrow. Where I come from, and the circumstances I have been through are not who I am. Possessions are not me as an individual nor are people in my past.

My tattoos, my ever-changing hair color, and my short stature identify me, but do not make me who I am. I love all of these things about me, but nothing that you could easily spot on the street makes me the individual that I am 

I am a strong, young woman. I am a student. A sister, daughter, and friend. I would rather stay in and read a book then go out any night of the week. I drink more coffee than I should and eat less vegetables than I need to. Doughnuts are my food of choice. I have not worked out in months and it should bother me more than it does. 

I fall in love too easily, but I would never admit it to anyone. I can talk to anyone but have my best friends and like it that way. I give more than I get and it gets me down sometimes. I want to travel and get bored if I am in one place too long. I plan to move to New York, because Chicago gets too small sometimes.  

Only recently have I learned to accept all of these facts. What makes you who you are is not what makes me who I am. I would not actually know anything of importance about you from a glance on the street or a social media post. I also would not know any of the things I just shared with you by looking at myself in the mirror. 

All of these facts are why it is so important that we stop judging ourselves based on what can be seen. What defines us is not those around us, or what can be seen on the surface, but what is within us. It is always changing and that is the beauty of being human. 

Ever since I was a little girl, I was absolutely atrocious at math, had no interest in science, and laughed at anyone who thought I had any technological skills, whatsoever. I did, however, enjoy one thing. Not just enjoy either, I obsessed over it. My nose was always in a book as a child. While every other kid would spend summer days at the pool I would devour books. My parents would force me outside with a Nancy Drew novel so the neighbors would know the weird kid next door was still breathing. 

It was sometime around the second grade that I found not only could I read these amazing stories, but I could create such things as well. My mind never stopped as I would make up tales in my mind while trying to fall asleep and still to this day contemplate whether it is better to try to sleep or get up and write it all down before it escapes me. To some it may sound odd, but as they say, everyone has their thing. 

Whether it is painting, music, or photography, most of us, whether we choose to pursue it or not, have been told that our passion will not be enough to sustain us financially. Some quit, others never quite make it and eventually settle into a more conventional job, and some pursue it until they make a career of it. I might never be able to make a living off of writing, and I might have months or years where I step away. At the end of the day, I have a great advantage in that I have a passion, and that is not something one should pass up. If my father is reading this, I will be getting a less than thrilled phone call shortly.  Regardless, I am here to tell you why I will always choose happiness over the money, and why you should consider doing the same. 

1. Unhappiness is not worth any amount of money

Working a dead end office job might pay the bills, but is it worth listening to your horrible boss complain all day when you really want to be creating? I am not saying to be reckless, but doing something more related to your desired field and getting your name and work out there is a much better use of your time. It might require a pay cut, but do not waste your life being unhappy. 

2. When you enjoy your work, everything else is more fun 

One of the main reasons people are unhappy in life is because they do not enjoy their jobs. You should not just be working a “job”, you should want a career. A career that you are passionate about. Of course, there will be times that you would rather play hooky and spend the day in bed. We all have those days, but if you feel that way everyday and are absolutely miserable because of your job, it is time for a change. 

3. Nothing worth having is easy 

Trust me, living a creative life is not easy. I write some things that are crap, share opinions that people do not agree with, and I often regret what I put out there. It keeps me up at night, I will not lie. Sometimes I want to give up, but I recently had a fellow creative that is much more successful than me, explain something to me. He said that every time you create something you are learning and that is what really matters. You are moving in the right direction, so please do not stop putting work out there. 

4. You will be surrounded by people who have the same passion as you

I love running into other people who have minds like mine. Whether it be artists or musicians or actors or what have you. It is very much a "starving artist, let's bounce ideas and wild stories off of each other" type of vibe, and it is amazing. I immediately pull out my phone after leaving and fill the notes section with the most random ideas which turn into the most wonderful short stories and poems. You will join a unique community. Do not be afraid to look to it for advice or a couch to crash on. 

5. Everyone admires people who go for what they want 

Do you really think that everyone around you is having the time of their life and living their dream everyday? They are not, I promise. However, everyone will admire you, although they may not always tell you, for going for what you want. Everyone likes a dreamer and it may just push them to dream a little too. 

6. Why are you wasting time doing something you do not like? 

This one is such a cliché, but honestly, life really is so short. Why spend time doing things you are not in love with? Ditch the things you do not like and pursue what you do as often as you can, it is as simple as that. 

7. Your day job is nothing but an excuse  

Everyone says they will work a day job and then come home and pursue their creative job. At first it seems like it is going well, but you start to get worn down, nights at the office run later, and you forgot the last time you did anything relating to your goals. Of course your bills need to be paid, but you still need to be aware of your priorities. Do not let your day job become your forever job. 

8. You are much more likely to achieve success if you like what you do

I have been there. I have my share of minimum wage, customer service jobs. From food service to retail to answering phones. I dreaded going into work everyday, did the bare minimum, and ended up quitting all of these jobs very quickly. If you do not enjoy something, you are much less likely to try your best at it. If you are doing something you like, it is way less likely to feel like a job, and you will excel at it. 

9. Proving the cynics wrong is so validating  

Think of the very best person in your desired field. Your hero if you will. Do you think no one ever doubted them? I can almost guarantee that they had people questioning them every second of the way. It will be difficult. People do not want to see you do well. Probably because things did not work out well for them. This is why you have to work ten times harder, cry fifteen more times, and call 100 more people asking for a chance. Stop listening to the people who are doubting you and listen to the people who have the power to give you what you want. 

10. You have already found something you love 

Most people never find something that they love or would risk everything for. What they were meant to do, if you will. If you have figured it out and have the time, ability, and resources to make it happen, you better be doing everything you can to do it every day you are still here on this earth. Do not squander your happiness for anything.

It can be so easy to do; you meet a nice guy, go out a few times, and then life becomes busy. Rather than the nice dinners and romantic dates you first shared, it becomes random texts shared throughout the hectic day and late night meet ups. After a while it starts to feel as if you two are in hiding and never leave the house anymore. You tell yourself it is better not to ask. The truth is, you have every right to know and express what you want out of the relationship. However, there comes a point when it has been too long, and regardless of the time that has passed, a hookup is all you will be. Here are some indicators that it might be time to pack it in and move on:

1. His texts are nothing more than figuring out what time to meet that night

If he has no ability to plan, it shows a lack of effort on his part. Sure, sometimes you are both exhausted and it is just easier to hangout and watch a movie, but sometimes, you want more. It means something if he can take you out after a long week and let you know of these plans beforehand. If you cannot remember the last time you knew of plans more than an hour before, you need to have a talk.

2. You are always going to his place

If he is always texting you to come over, and you find that you are never leaving the comfort of his nasty apartment, this might be a problem. Of course it can be nice to have alone time, but you are young! Dates are fun and there is a whole world out there to see. Try to suggest doing something different, and if he never goes for it, it is a good sign something bigger is going on.

3. You never quite determined if you were seeing other people

This is always a question I get asked from young women. “When do I define the relationship?” It honestly depends on the individuals and the situation. Some people find that from the start you have no desire to see other people, while some are honest in that they are not looking for monogamy. Everyone has the right to choose what they want out of a relationship. However, if you are not comfortable asking this question, that is a problem in itself, and you need to address it before you hurt yourself even more.

4. He is constantly on his phone when he is with you

This is a huge pet peeve of mine. I understand it can be incredibly difficult not to check your phone in an age in which emails are coming in at all hours, group chats are always going, and memes are constantly blowing up your phone. This is why putting your phone away with your significant other is imperative. It is a sure sign that you are a priority to him. If you cannot seem to get a word in because his phone is always in the way, not only is it a very disrespectful quality, but shows that you are not important to him.

5. You find yourself worrying about what he is doing when you are not together

Trust is key in any relationship. Regardless of the status of your relationship, you should feel secure in what you have with that person. This is why it is key that you communicate where you stand, and following this conversation, you feel okay about it. No one wants to be the one constantly questioning their partner, and no one wants to constantly be questioned.

6. You still wear makeup when you see him

In a relationship, you should feel comfortable with each other. If you don’t feel this way, it is a sign that you are not sure that this person is here to stay, and you are probably still in hookup territory.

7. You do not know each other’s friends

This one is so easy to identify, yet can be so difficult to approach even in a relationship. Meeting each other’s friends even in a very healthy, monogamous relationship is nerve racking. If you are finding him discussing his friends simply as “my friend” or “my buddy” and cannot even identify his best friend by their first name, he might think of you as an eternal hookup.

8. You talk about very surface things

Just like the previous point, if he sees no reason to include details about his life, he is not planning on keeping you around or cementing a lasting relationship. Of course, everyone goes through periods where connecting can be difficult, but if it has been months and you have not gotten down to the nitty gritty, it may never happen.

9. When emotional things go on in your life, you are not sure if you can tell him

If you want to have a relationship with him, you absolutely need to feel comfortable turning to him on your worst days. If you cannot, then how will you discuss difficulties in your relationship with him. If he has not made you feel like you can go to him, then he is not worth your time.

10. You are unsure of a future with him

If you want more, then you should easily be able to see him in your future. A relationship is an investment of both your time and emotions. Why give that away to someone who will not be there for you down the road?

11. You do not know what to refer to him as

We have all been there. You are dating a guy, you have been out so many times you have lost track, and you run into a friend from high school. You all know he is not just your co-worker, but boyfriend seems like a hefty word. Then he hits you with that word “friend”. Now you are questioning everything. If it has been three months and he whipped out the word “friend” faster than you could throw back that shot in response, it is time to cut your losses.

12. You do not feel comfortable discussing your relationship for fear of scaring him away

If you cannot let him know when he does something that upsets you or you are bothered, then not only is this a sign that it is just a hookup, but it is also a sign that this is better left a hookup. A relationship requires communication, and if after all this time, it does not seem like an option, there is nowhere to go from there.

13. You cannot ever really sleep at his place because you are not comfortable

Girls, do not settle for bad sleep. It makes you cranky and you suffer the next day. All while resenting him while he soundly snores next to you in his unwashed sheets. If you are not in a relationship and want to sleep at your own place, please do so. If you have slept at his place so many times you cannot count and still cannot get a good night’s rest, you do not want to be in a relationship with him, and if he does not care that you are losing sleep, you are a hookup to him.

14. You cannot tell your family for fear of judgement on the status of your relationship

Ever heard the phrase, if you do not want your grandmother to see it, do not put it on the internet? This is kind of like that. If you find yourself lying to your mother that you are not seeing anyone when you know well you have been seeing him for three months, stop seeing him.

15. He is flaky

You deserve so much more than being stood up and bailed on. If he is still making you wait around for him to get back from the bars on Thursday night or forgot about dinner Wednesday night, he is not taking this seriously and he never will.

16. You put other, more serious prospects on hold

If you find yourself ignoring men who actually want to make time for you, because you are not sure what he is doing, it is a hookup. The fact that you are even considering someone else is a sign you want more than a hookup and more than him.

17. You show up to events solo because you are not sure if he wants to go

No one wants to go to their college roommate’s wedding alone. If you feel like you cannot even ask him to go to events such as these, honey he is a hookup. Part of being an adult is attending events you sometimes do not want to, and if he is not responsible enough to do that for you, who he should care about, get rid of him.

18. He does not respond to texts for days at a time

It is not about the text, it is about showing you care. No one is so busy that they cannot find time to ask “how is your day going?” If you find yourself often waiting around for responses or forgetting the last time you two talked, he is not interested in your life and will not be interested in a relationship with you.

19. He still has not deleted his dating apps

Stop lying to yourself, he does not keep the app to meet new people, and he surely did not forget to delete it. If it is still there, he is still talking to other women, which means he is probably doing more than just talking to them.

20. He only texts you after ten o’clock and immediately initiates sex

If it walks like a booty call and talks like a booty call, honey, it is a booty call. You are still a hookup to him.

College only lasts four years, and trust me, it flies by. So enjoy it now and learn as much as you can while it's happening. Here are my ten things every college-aged woman should do before she ditches school for the real-world: 

1. Go to a party

For some this may seem like a very simple Saturday night, while for others it seems like a complete waste of time. Whichever category you fall into, it's a must. Whether it’s a frat party or a laid back get together with a few friends from class, just go. Get together with your friends from college because as you get into your later years and move off campus, or worse, graduate, you’ll miss having friends so close by all the time. 

2. Pay rent

I know, this is not one of the more fun parts of adulthood, but it’s a very useful skill. From learning to live with others, to managing money and just remembering to pay every month, it’s something you will have to get used. It can be nice to do it early when you have roommates to keep you in line and your parents are hopefully around to give you a nudge in the right direction. Also, a lot of landlords are more understanding when it comes to leasing to college students so that can be a nice introduction to the process as well. 

3. Go on a road trip

This is a more lighthearted college experience. Whether it’s spring break or planning a trip to a music festival, save money from that on-campus job one semester and hit the road with some friends. Those pictures and memories will be the stories that are told at weddings (with some details held back) years down the line.   

4. Become financially responsible

This is is a must! I’m not saying you have to have a career, mortgage, and 401k at the age of 22 or anything, but I’m saying that you should be saving and starting to consider things more in the long term. Of course your parents are going to be there to catch you when you fall, as you most definitely will, but you should have some confidence in your financial situation and be able to take care of yourself day to day. 

5. Be single

Sure, relationships are great, and if you’ve found your person more power to you. However, you should also have some experience being single and be comfortable in doing so. If things don’t work out as planned, you should be okay with being alone because there is a lot of power in taking care of yourself. 

6. Find your person 

This might be a romantic partner, best friend, or family member. What is important is that at the end of a long day you have a person that you can call when you feel like your ship is sinking. As much as we’d all like to think we can do it alone, sometimes we just can’t and that’s when your person steps in. 

7. Invest in a good black dress

Whether you’re running late for a date or overslept for work, a good black dress should be your go-to. It might be expensive now but it will save you time and money when it holds up in the long run. I purchased a chic, black silk dress about two years ago and although getting it dry cleaned is a pain, tossing it on with some loafers before meetings or a class instantly makes me feel better about my unwashed hair and the fact that I’m fifteen minutes late.  

8. Learn how to make appointments and manage your schedule

This one can be hard, I know. You’re so used to having your mom make your dentist appointment along with your little brother's or having her call you to remind you the day before your cousin’s baby shower. Sorry, but you’re an adult now and it’s time that you call when it’s time to go to the doctor and keep track of important dates. Partially because you’re over eighteen and most doctors won’t discuss medical details with your parents anymore but also because your work, school, and personal schedule is going to become increasingly hectic so it’s your job to manage it. It’s both a blessing to choose which events to attend and a curse, because you will become more and more busy as you become older. 

9. Learn how to send a proper email 

This is both imperative as a young professional and just a huge pet peeve of mine. You are an adult now, addressing a professor “hey, Mr. so and so” or “bye” or what have you is not appropriate. Start with “good morning” or “good afternoon” and address them with “Dr” or “Professor” or their first name depending on what they prefer. Include exactly what you are sending the email for, thank them for their time, and sign the email “best regards” or “sincerely”. Well written emails will be the difference between a good response now, and later in life, might mean the difference between getting the job. Professionalism is always appreciated. 

10. Study abroad

My university is huge on their study abroad programs, and for this reason, I encourage anyone who has the opportunity, to do it! You will never have the chance again to live in another country for so little money, and more importantly, to immerse yourself in the country as a student living among locals. If you think it won’t be compatible with your major or budget, it’s worth asking an advisor. If you are worried about leaving your friends or your significant other, they will be there when you get back while this opportunity may never present itself again. College is all about doing things for yourself, so be a little selfish and do it for you!

As you may have heard, Kesha has recently dropped her long awaited album. Her first since her sad and brutal court case with her previous producer, Dr. Luke. Finally she is allowed rights to create her own music and life. If you haven’t heard her new album, you are missing out, my friend, for it is obsession-worthy. Here are all the reasons why it is not only deserving of a listen but why Kesha should be your new girl crush from now until forever. 

1. Bastards

Anyone that can title a song bastards is a hero of mine. She completely obliterates both her haters and anyone that has so much as sneezed in your direction as well. From the folksy feel to the badass message, it’s the perfect way to start her first album since her re-entry to the music scene. 

2. Let ‘Em Talk

THIS IS MY JAM. I had never heard of the Eagles of Death Metal before, but my goodness do they just do it for me. This song gives me all the eighties feels I never knew I needed. I want to go buy a leather jacket and ride around in a convertible smashing mailboxes so someone can talk about me. From her sex positive vibes to the line “let’s go balls out” and “shake that ass”. Seriously, Kesha? This song made me sing in my underwear into my hairbrush last night. 

3. Woman

All I have to say about this song is that my whole neighborhood has heard it on repeat which they might not appreciate, because it has some choice language, but I don’t care. I sure do pay my own bills and the boys are certainly sitting in the back of my cadillac. We could all use some more female positivity and this song delivers. It made my mother look at me and say I think this song was written about me. I think that’s how every woman should feel about it. Bravo, Kesha, my mother is now a believer and that’s all the proof I need. 

4. Hymn

This song is beautiful in the most “I don’t give a damn” way. If you’ve ever felt like you didn’t belong, this song is for you. Kesha understands in every way and I simply can’t describe it in words. She discusses religion so that everyone can relate to it while rapping in the most serene and poetic form. It’s emotional but still wouldn’t get you down at a party which is a very hard thing to accomplish Every nineties baby will understand exactly what she means and that is what I love most about it. 

5. Praying

The song, no, the note, that started it all. Do me a favor and google reactions to the high note in Kesha’s “Praying”. The high note in this song makes grown men cry. It makes me cry every time and I’ve listened to it a lot of times. I will never not be amazed by this song. From the lyrics, to the video, to that amazing note. Her first song back on the music scene will always be remembered for exactly what it was, a big f***k you to everyone who said she was done and if you can’t relate to that I just don’t have time for you.

6. Learn To Let Go

Aside from the amazing video which features her adorable childhood home videos, this song is just as fierce as the turquoise suit she’s sporting in the music video. I love the drum beats and the honesty that I’m sure we can all relate to. We can all be guilty of just saying “I’m fine” until we snap, but she tells of how she learned to be okay with not being okay and let go of the negativity. If she can redeem herself we all can. It’s such an important message but such a fun song. Also her range is rad. Seriously have I mentioned how much I love her?

7. Finding You 

Another folksy ballad, this time more of a light-hearted, love song but still with the drum beats and amazing vocal range we’ve grown used to on the other tracks. She has me trying to find whoever this person is too. She’s not beating around the bush though when she says “forever don’t exist”. Kesha ain’t playing games, this woman didn’t come to play. This is her album not his. 

8. Rainbow

This is the album’s title track and also the slowest and most honest. She’s honest that she’s come a long way but “still f***ked up” as we all are. This one just drives home how amazing she is for her brutal honesty. 

9. Hunt You Down

Girls, just read that title. It’s like the “Before He Cheats” of 2017. She’s going to slash your tires, but she’d never hurt a fly and she’s smart as hell about it. Kesha is my life. 

10. Boogie Feet

More Eagles of Death Metal! Once I’m done here my intensive research on this mysterious group will begin. This song is exactly what it sounds like. Fun, clapping, booty shaking, rhyming, it has it all. Please just boogie and feel bougie, that’s all. 

11. Boots

So it starts with a hawk noise and that’s cool. It’s also super retro and western sounding. I want to go out and buy some old boots, but I could never pull that off. This song transports me to something entirely different. Kesha, who are you? A goddess, honestly. 

12. Old Flames (Can’t Hold A Candle To You) 

Shutup! This song features Dolly Parton and is about an old love. I need say nothing more. Kesha and Dolly Parton together on a single track? I am fulfilled.

13. Godzilla

“What do you get when you take godzilla to the mall?” Not a question I generally ask myself during a folk song but holy sh** I love it. Please leave me alone I’m having a personal moment. 

14. Spaceship 

Okay I was in a cadillac in the eighties, then hanging with a brass band, then in the forest in a turquoise jumpsuit, then in the west, then hanging with Dolly Parton, then in Japan with Godzilla. Kesha is honestly a storyteller. A beautiful badass goddess and I’m obsessed. I rest my case. You can crush nice and hard now. I’m going to go listen to the album for the nineteenth time. 

I generally tend to shy away from more controversial topics, partially because the platform for which I write is geared toward more personal stories. It is also because I am so young which tends to make people question my experience and knowledge on these subjects. Only in the past few days have I realized that the two reasons why I have not approached these subjects are the two reasons why I most need to speak up on things. 

Recent events such as what occurred in Charlottesville, Virginia, are just that, personal stories. We often forget this when news updates pop up on our phones, or we see stories on the national news every night. The young woman who lost her life, and every person attending the white nationalist rally, made a personal decision to stand up for what they believe in, whether you or I agree with that decision or not. These decisions started a chain reaction of emotions, commentary, and choices. 

This is what we often forget, every national event, and every individual thing that is occurring in our social and political climate, is a decision. It is all a series of choices which has a personal impact on every single American and every person worldwide. To believe that you can remove yourself makes you ignorant and is simply is not an option in 2017. 

As far as how young I am, at the age of just twenty, about to start my junior year of college, this often causes people to say that I don’t have enough experience, or there are some things I simply can’t understand. I am not going to lie, there are some things I have not been through and will not know because of it. However, I would counter, you have experienced these events and what are you doing about it? Does one more person’s opinions or actions threaten you? It certainly should not as we are all citizens of the same country and should want the same ultimate outcome; to see our nation prosper. 

I have every right as a citizen of the United States living in this time of political turmoil, to speak up for what I believe in and do what I can to make a change. Call me a “snowflake” all you want, it doesn’t change the fact that I believe what I do and intend on acting on it. My generation is still receiving our education, we are equipped with what prior generations have instilled within us, and we are mobilizing daily with our peers. Why should this be seen as a threat? Why has it turned into choosing a side? One generation against another?

We are your children and grandchildren. You taught us what we know. We are your students. To have formulated our own ideals and stand by them so strongly is a testament to the values you instilled in us. It is not a threat to what you believe. 

I am not asking anyone to change what they believe in. That is the thread that holds our nation together. Our differences unite us. I am just asking everyone to cast hate aside, to understand other people and their backgrounds, and to look past the names you see on news stories. 

It’s important to see individuals as someone’s daughter, father, or brother. We have forgotten how to empathize and instead see what can be done for our own cause. At the end of the day we all live in the same country, under the same constitution, and our goals should be the same.

Dear "you", "him", and "what’s his face",

Before I begin, I want you all to know that although this is addressed to all the boys that made me feel like nothing, I am not writing it for you. I am writing this for me, and for every other girl who has let a boy make her feel like any less than the beautiful warrior that she is. Boys do not flatter yourself, it is not about you, not anymore at least.

Those nights that we spent sitting around after spending hours on our hair and makeup, that was about you. You had your chance. After you bailed despite the fact that we went out and bought the perfect dress. After we spent the afternoon telling our best friend all about you and planning the perfect evening for our first date. Then at seven, we received a text saying “I’m sorry, I can’t make it” or even worse, you never showed up. You made us feel excited, special, and then you took it away, making us feel like nothing. 

I will not lie, we tend to fantasize, we imagine the man of our dreams. I hope that every little girl keeps that hope and finds exactly what she is looking for. It is way more likely that she will be disappointed, and that is when her drive kicks in. That is when she finds out what she is made of, and that she can do it alone. That her friends are the only company she needs. 

This is what I have all you boys to thank for. You showed me I do not need you, and I never will. I am enough.

Waiting for texts back, primping and adjusting, worrying about what you all thought of me, and never feeling like I was enough for you. Yes, I may sound cynical, but I am also stronger now. I feel invincible most days, because I do not care what anyone thinks of me. There is so much freedom in accepting who you are, in working hard for yourself, and being silly and not caring who sees it. 

I will no longer wait around to be texted first. I am not the girl who hopes to be called “pretty”. Please call me “fierce” or “strong”, because that is what I am. Do not call me “Miss” because I am a woman with her own name, and I belong to myself. Do not stop me on the street, because I have places to be. 

Thank you to all the boys that hurt me, because if you had not, I would not have built myself up so tall. Sure, there are days I will fall, but I now know how to get back up on my own. 

To all the girls who understand and have felt exactly this, I salute you. To all those who have not yet, get ready for a wild ride, because you are about to understand what independence feels like. 

So boys, keep hurting us, keep thinking you have any power over a woman. The joke is on you because look how strong I am now. 

Sincerely, 

Someone who used to feel so small 

If she could trace it back to one boy, it probably started in the sand table at the age of five. 

She fell madly in love with a little boy who kissed her during recess and loved him for about a week then moved on to the next. 

It was a pattern she was stuck in, not in a bad way, but there was no getting out of this groove.

It would always last a week or two of mad, heart crushing love before she’d get bored and find another guy. 

She might even be a bit of a masochist because she truly loved and still does love the heartbreak of it all. Low key she also loved to break their hearts too. 

It almost stopped being fun when they started to like her back.

Her best friends joke that she will never marry, she’ll be the eternally single, the fun aunt and honestly, this doesn’t seem so bad if she’s being honest. 

She often plays it off as wanting more than a husband and kids. She wants to live paycheck to paycheck, traveling the world, exploring every inch of what this life has to offer. 

But truly, this need for more in life is build up on her shaky foundation of being scared.  

She is the queen of commitment issues. Abandonment is her greatest fear, and so, she doesn’t fully commit to relationships. 

She has not had a relationship lasting longer than a few months, which to her friends, all in their twenties like her is appalling. 

She comes off crass, ruthless, and often times, mean. It can be her greatest strength for she doesn’t take any shit, but it also means she’s very closed minded and scares people off. 

Does she like the chase? Yes. Does she like the hurt? Probably. 

This worries me because it probably means a healthy relationship is a long way off. It’s easier to be the fun friend, the no fuss friend, the always on friend. 

She likes it that way and so she always dresses perfect, always acts honestly, always takes care of everyone else.

At the end of the day it will just take time. It will take some moving both physically and emotionally until she finds her place. People will come and people will go. 

For now, she focuses on the thought that love is not the only thing out there and she’s a very happy person as is. Not all the time, of course, but who is?

Whether or not she meets someone, she’s learning to love herself and as cliche as that sounds… that is a lifelong commitment.