My Boyfriend’s Mom Hates Me And Here’s How I Handle It

Falling in love with someone is a beautiful experience that many people cherish and look forward to all of their lives. It’s a combination of two people’s lives together, making them into one. When you meet your significant other for the first time, it’s as though the entire world does not exist beyond the two of you. That “honeymoon stage,” you wish it would last forever. But, we all know, there are friends, family, responsibilities—an outside world—that factor into our lives, not just love.

4 Reasons Why He Can’t Be “Best Friends?? Forever

We ladies have all had that one guy friend who is/was vital to our existence. The one guy we can trust with our secrets, our tears, and to be there for us no matter what. We entrust in him the most inner parts of our soul, because he’s the one guy not faking it to put another notch in his bedpost.

While that is mostly true of him, he is still human and can have a tendency to be less vocal than you would expect. Bring in 4 reasons why he can’t be just a friend his entire life.

  • Men feel they have obvious intentions while courting.

Men, at their core, are very simple and able to read- if we would take the time to do so. They live to be as non-complex as possible, and are polar opposites from us females. Therefore, when a gentleman spends all of his time with you, listens to you, and devotes his attention to you- he (generally speaking) feels that is substantial evidence enough to prove he has more than “just friends?? feelings for a girl.

  • Whether he admits it or not, he thinks about you constantly.

Although this is not always a romantic “thinking of you??, he does think about you constantly. He is still your best friend, and knows that. However, his feelings become stronger with each day because unlike us ladies who do the friend-zoning, they are always looking out for our best interests, even when he knows that the feeling is not going to be reciprocated. Men protect the women they love, no matter the cost or hurt.

  • He wants to date, but he can’t.

While you are out dating around and telling him stories of your trysts, he is silently debating doing the same. But he usually doesn’t (or it doesn’t last long) because, in essence, no one compares to you. Men who date around but also have a female friend they are immensely close with, usually don’t have long lasting relationships- either because the girl couldn’t handle her own jealous feelings about you, or he couldn’t fathom spending as much time with her as he does you.

That doesn’t necessarily fault you for his inability to date, but it is largely centered around you whether you intend it so or not.

  • He wants to move on, but he can’t.

He doesn’t always necessarily want to date someone else, as much as move on from being centered around one female who offers him no future aside from hanging out.

The guy you have hooked knows he is hooked and wants to be free of it, but is never really quite ready to let go. He feels that the moment he does, you will inevitably see what he did, and when you are ready, he will be too.

I had a male friend once tell me, “I won’t always be around to be your best friend. One day I will get married and I will love her, and won’t always be able to be there for you like I am now. It isn’t to be a jerk, it’s just being honest.??

So, while it is great to have that guy best friend, remember that he wouldn’t invest his time, money, or emotions on someone who he sees no future with. He may be your best friend now, but he just can’t be “best friends forever??. It would hurt him too much, too often.

50 Things You Say and Think as a Camp Counselor

Visit Camp Hello Bello online until Summer Camp season begins and we are out of quarantine.

 

“Camp counselor: Because freakin’ miracle worker isn’t an official job title.”

Last summer I started working as a camp counselor through my town. I went into the job thinking that it would  be a fun summer job, and I left leaving with a summer filled with memories, and laughs ( and the occasional breakdowns)

Although the job is great, you often find yourself saying and thinking  things you never thought you’d say otherwise like, “Put down that fishbowl!” and “Stop kissing my backpack!” (these were both actual conversations) any many more odd sayings. So here are some more things you say and think as a camp counselor.

1.”Alright, I am the adult here!”

Yeah, sure you are Em.

2. “You need an ice pack? Already? The day hasn’t even started yet!”

3. “Why are they running? They know they can’t run it here.”

4. “What? No, you may not have a snack yet!”

5. “Why does it feel like a number of kids multiples every time I turn around?”

6. “Who is crying?”

Please don’t be one of my kids

7. “Oh great, it’s snack time”

That’s all they need, SUGAR!

8. “How long does it take to put away a lunch box?”

You Attack My Size 0, But I Can’t Attack Your Size 16

“No, I don’t starve myself. I’m naturally skinny and probably eat more than you.” -Anonymous

Why are you allowed to say I’m too skinny when I’ll be publicly torn apart for saying you’re too fat? This has been a topic of discussion that I’ve been seeing everywhere lately.

The god-awful phrase “real woman” makes me grit my teeth with true anger. Apparently, only women who are a size 8 and above are real women.

I don’t know who died and made these standards but please, let me know. Now I know what people are thinking as they read this,that size 0-2 are the general beauty standards, which is slowly fading.

Yet when was it okay to pick apart a young girl or a woman saying that she needs to eat a cheeseburger? Since when has it become socially acceptable to bully one size but when it’s done in reverse to a size 16 everyone is in an uproar?

We all want to preach about unrealistic body standards, but what’s the harm of being naturally thin or desiring to stay within a smaller weight range?

Does that make us smaller individuals, not real women? Do people realize the young thin girl may feel self-conscious when she reads things on Facebook of people ripping someone her size apart?

You bigger girls are no better than the skinnier girls bullying peoples’ weight online. I’ll probably be fused at for saying this but women are the first ones saying us skinny girls aren’t real women but you’re also the first ones wishing to wear the crop tops and short shorts I wear.

Is it that you secretly wish you could look like me or is it that you truly hate the body I possess?

Or is it an insecurity that your man would want someone like me over someone like you. If that’s the case then he’s obviously not someone you should be with.

Rather it be insecurities or not, please figure it out and stop body shaming us and we’ll stop body shaming you.

I’ve been made fun of a lot, especially by men, that I’m to skinny. I don’t have an ass and my breast aren’t big enough. I’ve been told I need to eat more than I would care to hear.

My own family remind me on the daily bases they would love to be smaller but not my size cause I’m way too skinny.

They say it like it’s a bad thing. When I complain about how I feel no one listens cause I’m luckyto be skinny so I have nothing to complain about.

So I’ll leave you with this wonderful quote I found online that I wish I could identify who wrote this lovely very true statement:

“Hey eat a cheeseburger gang. Iv’e seen you around Pinterest and Tumblr, and blogs with your obvious concern for skinny women. While I appreciate your desire to lead them to a healthy way of life by eating crappy food, I would respectfully suggest that you stop attacking other women’s bodies. Stop throwing around the cheeseburger line along with these silly ones.”

‘Real women have curves’ There are no fake women.

‘Men like women with meat on their bones’ My self worth isn’t determined by men or what my body looks like.

‘She looks unhealthy’ Really? Do you personally know her? Are you suddenly the body police and get to decide what is and what isn’t healthy. 

Attacking other women’s bodies isn’t concern for healthiness, it’s called Misogyny.

To The Person Who Loves Me Next

“So it’s not gonna be easy. It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at this everyday, but I want to do that because I want you. I want all of you, forever, everyday. You and me…every day.” -Nicholas Sparks

To the next person who loves me,

Whoever you are and where ever you are. I look forward to meeting you. But you should know, I don’t half ass many things in life…love included.

So when you love me, I’m the type that loves hard.

So when you love me, I’m gonna love you deeply.

So when you love me, I’m gonna love only you.

Because unlike most…I know how to love the right way. And when I do I’ll change your life, if you’re able to reciprocate it.

But before we get there, please know a few things…

“So it’s not gonna be easy…

I don’t know if I’m an easy person to love, because I value love in it’s entirety.

I’m very guarded. I don’t trust too many people. I know it has nothing to do with you. It has more to do with the people in the past, who have walked away. I know I shouldn’t judge you based on people in the past. But I’ve loved too easy and I’ve learned.

I love people the right way. But, not many people know how to do that or know how to respond to people who love as deeply as I do.

I love hard. Even the worst heartbreak, won’t change that.It’s going to be really hard; we’re gonna have to work at it

I’m gonna test you. I’m gonna see if you are even worthy of the love I can give. You can test me too.

To love the right way, requires loving equally. I’ve loved a lot of people who couldn’t reciprocate it. But pain is okay. Getting hurt means I’m taking the right chances, for something I want. But I’m willing to work for the relationship we both deserve. I know love can be the best thing we have in life. I’m willing to take chances. I’m willing to risk getting hurt, in hopes you can love me back.

But I want to do that…

I don’t fear pain. I’ll give you the best of myself. I’ll love you the right way.

Love is a bit of gambling and I’ll be the first to admit, I love playing the game. But I promise, I’ll play the right game. I’ll never play you. I’ll never not take your feelings into consideration. I’ll never intentionally hurt you. I’m a straight shooter, in a world full of liars. Of the many things I’m good at, the best is how I love.

Because I want you. I want all of you. 

I want you. I want us to make it. I want us to experience the relationships they write about. I’ve been there once. I know what it takes to get there. It’s takes having faith in one another. It’s a little bit of risk. It’s a bit of vulnerability. It’s a bit of letting your guard down and blindly trusting someone. It’s letting someone know about the past that hurt you.

I’ll tell you about the scars that have prevailed in my past. I’ll tell you about the wounds. I’ll tell you about the things that went wrong. And when I trust you enough to tell you those things, you’ll love me even more for having endured it.When you trust me, I’ll teach you to dance with your own skeletons. I’ll teach you to love your past, instead of resent it. I’ll accept you at your worst and show you how to love someone that way.

If you’re willing to take this chance, I promise it’ll be worth it. You’re in for one hell of a ride.

I ask a few things, have patience with me. I’m very cautious. Trust me first, then I’ll come around and trust you. Love me and I promise I’ll love you deeper. Love me right and I’ll teach you to love better.

I’m not an easy person to love. But that’s because I know how to do it the right way. In a world that teaches us to love with only half of our heart, I don’t do that sort of thing. I’m the girl who will love you in ways you never knew possible. And when I do, that’s the standard you’ll compare everyone else too. Your life will never be the same.

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For The Girl Who Feels Like She’s Everyone’s Second Choice, Read This

She feels like she is just one of the people’s many options, and yet she just sticks around and waits to get picked. She knows she is better than being people’s backup plan, and she doesn’t deserve to be the second choice.

And yet here she is, being treated that way.

She cares so much about everyone around her, to the point where she has a hard time telling them she is hurt by their actions.

Honestly, she’d rather allow her own feelings to get hurt than to hurt someone else’s.

But what she needs to realize is that people can see it. She lives her life not giving herself credit, or treating herself like a top priority, so no one else does.

Once she begins to respect herself, other people will respect her too.

Except she is so caught up in her head, jumping to conclusions… and they’re never good ones. She can’t stop overthinking every single thing that happens in her day, no matter how hard she tries.

She loves with her entire heart but her heart is extremely stubborn as well.She would do anything for those she cared about and ask for nothing in return.

It’s exhausting though trying to be the better person for everyone. It takes a toll on her.

What she needs is to take a deep breath.

No matter what it was that made her become like this, it’s okay. A relationship, her parents, a toxic friendship, it could even have been a mix of the three.

But what she needs to remind herself is that in any form of relationship both parties should be equal. She deserves to be treated like she is important because she is important.

And she is so much more wonderful than she thinks she is.

She has a beautiful soul which makes her an inspiring person so she needs to put herself first sometimes.

There’s a simple phrase out there from the wonderful Dr. Suess that goes a little something like this…

“Those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind.”

So here’s that daily reminder that you are not an option so don’t let people treat you one.

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If I Choose To Cheat On My Partner, It’s None Of Your Damn Business

There was a time in my life when I was in a relationship and I was extremely unhappy. I had been with my boyfriend for an extremely long amount of time and due to the fact that I was young, I was too naive and immature to realize that being unhappy is a perfect reason to leave. But, being so young, I thought that leaving was “not the answer.” Instead, I looked for what I felt was missing in my relationship with other people and in places.

My boyfriend and I were together for six years—throughout high school and then for part of our college careers. We were each other’s best friends; we did everything together. If we weren’t at school or at work, we were together. We stayed over each other’s houses virtually every night, we texted all day long, we couldn’t make big decisions without consulting each other first. We were each other’s “everything.” But, eventually, we stopped holding hands, we stopped kissing, we stopped being intimate with each other altogether.

Before I knew it, my six-year relationship had become a close friendship that I did not know how to live without. My boyfriend had become my best friend, but, so much so that it had come platonic—we were no longer involved in a fiery romance, but instead, basic friends who wanted to be close to each other. We still laughed the same, we still had the same fun—but I stopped and realized, I couldn’t remember the last time we had even made out with each other. We were young—young—in college, in our 20s. There was no reason we couldn’t be all over each other—having wild, youthful, intimate fun.

I ended up looking elsewhere to fulfill my desires. What started out as a casual fling, turned into a regular booty call and I became infatuated with the idea that I was living a double life.

Looking back, I regret all that had transpired. I hurt not only myself but, also, everyone around me. I had to look my best friend in the eye and let him know that I had completely tarnished his trust. I had to look my parents in the mirror and let them know that all of their life lessons had fallen on deaf ears. I had to live with the fact that I was, in fact, a cheater. Throughout my life, I had always talked poorly about women who weren’t strong enough to leave before they had decided to cheat. I had watched TV shows, screaming at the protagonist who had done the dirty deed. I had always thought of myself to be better than this.

When things got out, I lost a lot of friends. Some of my best friends—the ones who were supposed to be my “ride or dies,” they decided that being friends with someone who cheats is not a good look. They decided that they couldn’t trust me around their boyfriends. Some of them said that I was disgusting, others called me a whore.

Truth be told—I have regrets. I have tons of regrets. I wish I had broken things off with my boyfriend sooner. I wish I hadn’t gone out and started an affair behind his back. I wish I kept my affair to myself and not told people I thought I could trust.

But, at the end of the day—my mistakes were my mistakes. They weren’t my friend’s mistakes, and it wasn’t their place to judge me. My affair, my cheating, and my mistakes had to do with me, my boyfriend, and the person I cheated with. They had nothing to do with the dozens of people who decided to spread my business around. It had nothing to do with the friends who dumped me like a bad habit, after 15 years of friendship. It had nothing to do with anyone else but me.

I made the mistake. I did the deed. It was my place to deal with it. It was my mess to clean.

The fact that people in my life, those who were closest to me, chose to leave me high and dry showed me a valuable life lesson. Although I was someone who made a mistake, the mistake opened my eyes to people’s true colors. Something that was my burden to bear became a silver lining to see who was really there for the long haul and who was there for a temporary season.

If I decided to cheat on my boyfriend—that was my choice. It was my decision. It was my problem.

Not everyone else’s.

9 Things You Absolutely Never Have To Share With Your Partner

Oversharing With Your Partner

As sex therapist and host of my personal favorite sex/relationship advice podcast Dan Savage once wrote, “Relationships aren’t depositions, we’re not under oath, we can hold some stuff back and still be good partners.” He went on to further add, “We have to hold some stuff back to be good partners.”

If you maintain your share absolutely everything with your partner and vice versa, then more power to y’all. Although I’d be willing to bet both parties are still keeping something from one another. Not necessarily something big, but something nonetheless. Because, after all, being a part of a healthy relationship inherently means maintaining your independence.

If you were to openly discuss every person you found attractive or break down that dirty dream you had featuring your SO’s best friend, harmony would be impossible. We keep things to ourselves in order to protect the ones we love. That being said, many things must absolutely be shared with your partner. Your plans for the future, your status in terms of sexual health, whether or not you are sleeping with other people, etc.

 

I Believe In Equality, But I Don’t Believe In Today’s Feminism

From a very young age, I’ve been proud to be a woman.

I grew up in a family in which my mother was the bread-winner. My father, may he rest in peace, was not mentally sound, nor capable, of supporting a family. He spent the majority of my life sick, in and out of the hospital for months and years on end. My mother was the one who not only went to work every day, but came home and ensured there was food on the table, a roof over my head, and that every parent-teacher conference, softball game, and camp bus pick-up was taken care of.

My mother raised me in a household that proved a woman can be both the old stereotypical “mother” who takes care of her children, makes sure they are well-off, clothed, fed, and “cheered on,” while simultaneously taking on the role of the old stereotypical “father”—going to work every day and paying the bills.

In a society that tells women that men are in charge—they are the ones who should pay the bills, go to work, run the corporations, make the decisions—I have profoundly disagreed. I saw firsthand that women are strong, capable, intelligent human beings who deserve just as much say in the world, just as much pay, just as much power, as a man. In terms of feminism, I agree that women should be equal. There is no reason that a woman should be paid less, treated less than, or given less of a voice in society and in politics/the word.


But, today, feminism has morphed into something much, much different than gender equality. Instead of fighting for equality and the right to be treated the same as many men are, it’s become a bloodbath of slandering all men—generalizing them into animals, disgusting and drooling animals who do nothing but objectify women and leave us, powerless victims.

Feminism today has lost its tone from when we were fighting for equality. Sure, feminism is still rooted in those very values and morals—that women should be treated equally, given equal opportunities, and equal pay. But, more often, when feminism is talked about and discussed, we’re tearing down men and pinning them as monsters, instead of trying to brainstorm and come up with changes we can make to bring forth this equality we have so longed for and fought for.

Men have no longer been just “men,” and instead, are “sexist,” or “misogynists,” or “pigs.” I don’t discredit the fact that yes, there are men in society who are these things. There are men in society who are pigs. But, all men? No, not all men. It’s time we stop generalizing an entire sex in order to bring forth some “power” for women. It’s hypocritical of us to try to reach equality by stepping on men and pushing them down. That’s not the fight we’re trying to fight. In order to reach equality, we need to embrace equal rights, not try and push feminism down everyone’s throats that women are better than men. 

Feminism should be about supporting, lifting, and embracing strong, independent, and powerful women—without having to slander men in the process. I am in full support of women being the breadwinners, women making the changes society needs, and women getting paid and compensated the appropriate and right wage to do so. What I don’t support is man-hating in order to get the job done. Some men are bad, yes. But all men? Not all men.

I’ve Come To Learn That Drug Addiction Is A Disease, Not A Choice

I grew up in a small neighborhood where kids grew up pretty fast. It seemed as though when we hit high school, something switched in my friends’ minds that going to dinner and seeing a movie just wasn’t fun anymore. We began drinking and partying at an age that was much too young for any of us to handle. When our parents were out, away, or even going to bed early, we’d sneak in booze and liquor, partying until late hours—hindering our childhood and rushing into adulthood far too soon for us to handle.

I could handle the drinking. I was never a huge drinker, so I didn’t feel as though it was hurting anyone to have a few beers on a Friday night or drink a mixed solo cup at a party. But, when kids started bringing drugs into the picture—I took a step back. I wasn’t ready to experiment with drugs the way that my friends were, and I wasn’t ready to let it tear me apart.

I have two older sisters, and they’d warned me about drug use at such a young age. They told me scary stories of their friends, losing their lives and their innocence to experimenting with things they couldn’t handle. So, I stayed away, I chose to stay away. My friends chose to partake in the experience. They chose to step through a door that they had no idea was going to be locked shut on them for years to come.

I’ve heard so many stories in the media about drug use, how it’s a choice to use drugs so often that you overdose on them. That every time you use drugs, you’re making a choice to put them in your body. That if you overdose, you chose to die. Every time a celebrity death comes up that is drug related, I brace myself for the comments that will come through social media, how selfish it is and how stupid they are to have chosen such a life.

I used to think that taking drugs every day was a choice. When I was young and my sisters told me about using drugs, they told me I had a choice—a choice that would affect my life for years to come. I agreed, that trying drugs, and beginning to take them—it’s a choice. It’s a choice to succumb to peer pressure and other pressures of society telling you to do so. It’s a choice to decide if your SO uses drugs, you should, too. It’s a choice to try a stronger drug, once the other drugs have lost their strength.

But, once you become addicted to drugs, it is no longer a choice for you—it becomes a disease.

Being an addict is a disease. It’s one that should be recognized as a health condition and treated as such. I never thought this way until I saw friends—close, family friends of mine—battle addiction with drugs for years. I watched friends I grew up with go to rehab multiple times. I saw friends of mine die from overdoses. I saw friends in abusive relationships with addicts. It was hard to escape the epidemic that was taking over my town and neighboring towns—everyone was sick.

The way that people look at addicts disturbs me. They look at them as though they’re disgusting, they’re pathetic, they’re a burden on society. But, they don’t look at people with other illnesses the same. People who develop diabetes from poor diets, they made a choice to eat the way they did. They didn’t choose to develop the disease, but they chose what to eat. Those who are diagnosed with cancer due to smoking—they did not choose to develop cancer, but they chose to smoke. However, if you find out someone is sick with cancer, or diabetes and heart disease—we don’t look down on them as though they are horrible, disgusting people in society.

There is a stigma that is associated with addiction. People look at addicts as though they are trash. But, I’ve come to learn that they are not trash, they’re not horrible, they’re not disgusting. They are sick.

They are sick with a disease that needs curing. They are sick with an illness they cannot shake. Instead of looking at these people as though they are horrible and disgusting, be kind. Understand that—like a person with cancer—they, too, are terrified to lose their life. They are fighting every day to stay alive. They didn’t choose to be an addict.

But, just as any other sick individual, they are fighting to stay alive.

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