Falling in love can be the most exciting, invigorating, freeing feeling one can experience in life. It can mend the broken places in your soul and cause the pieces of the puzzle to all fit together. Love makes everything, make sense. I suppose in ways, it can be true. But no one ever talks about what to do, when your heart wants to fall, but just isn't ready to.

And no one goes further to expose the truth of what it can be like, when you don't want to be with the person your heart loves any longer, but you cannot bear the idea of being solely alone either. This is the tragic predicament I find myself in. This is the kaleidoscope of confusion and chaos my mind sees in unclear pictures. The love song I breathe, isn't one you want to sing along too. In fact, it's a sad melody I can bear no more. 

I love him. I do. 

By saying so, I can say that this is honest an true. My heart beats for him. For his words, his touch, the way he makes me laugh. How he puts goofy smiles on my face. All of him and all that he does, I love. I owe him a thousands words of apprehension and admiration. He has been my rock that has held me down in the windiest of storms, and has given me water in the desert. He has never left my side, Not once, not ever. Even when I deserved to be left alone in my own demise. 

We have seen summer, sunshine and growth together. Growing roots embedded within one another. Always growing, even through weeds and poison. A poison that tries to pull us apart but never wilts our leaves we grow together. Happiness is what we find in each other's arms; in each other's presence. My life is full with him beside me. But he's growing more than me. He's starting to blossom and become the man he has always wanted to be. For this, I am proud. Proud of his accomplishments. Proud of his growth. Simply, proud for him and of him. 

He is wonderful. 

But he's ready to not only grow together, but to blossom and build a life together. This is what ruins me down to the core. Not because I am ungrateful. Not because I do not love him. Not because there is another's heart who has stolen my attention. But simply because I am not ready. 

We do not want the same things. This truly frightens me. I am lost, I do not know what to do or how to communicate these feelings to him. I don't wish hurt for him. But how log until the lies I tell myself catch up? How long before faint takes it's hold and drives apart? How long until we both fall into heartbreak and find ourselves alone? How long until I realize I need to walk away in order to save him? 

Because I am a toxic for him. And the poison, we can not fight off any longer.

We’ve been through hell and high water together fighting against all odds to make it through the fire. We have faced our rough moments. We’ve felt the pain of losing friends and family members because of oppositions and disagreements about our love, relationship, and the life we share together. I have found myself at the end of a road, staring at a dead end waiting for you to come and find me, and bring me home again. 

You have had your moments of not knowing if you were strong enough to carry the burden of this we choose to continue having. Through it all though, you are the one my heart loves. The one whom I know to be the truest and most gentle human being I have known. Your touch is the touch I will never stop wanting to feel on my skin. I could never love someone the way I have come to love you. And I’m not afraid to risk it all for you. 

Our families don’t like the closeness we have with one another. They don’t like how much time we spend together or how intense our feelings are either. We spend more time trying to convince them that they don’t need to worry than we do actually showing them how happy we are. They try to pull us apart and make us feel bad for falling in love so young, so early. But no age is really too early when you’ve known since the moment you met that you’re meant to be together.

We have endured years of memories, trials, changes, growth and maturing together, which is far more than most couples have. We have more responsibilities than most, working full time jobs, trying to bills, and student loans. We’ve had our struggles trying to figure out adulthood, but at least we’ve had each other to lean on. People judge us for starting off so young, but I say let them. 

You have taught me so much about life, and about living humbly, simply, and responsibly. I would never replace all I have learned with you for anything, or anyone. We were made for each other. We are meant to be and so we will be. You set a fire in me that will forever be burning bright. It will never dull, nor fade away. I’m in love with you. I’ll fight for you until the stars fall out of the sky and I promise, I will never give up on us. 

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Everyone always tell you that you have to be strong. That you have to have your life together, and everything has to be figured out. You’re not allowed to cry, because real women don’t shed tears. You’re not allowed to complain, because that means you are conceited and ungrateful. Don’t think about missing “him,” either because you have to be independent and loving a man “too much” is defined as being weak. 

It’s almost like if you do any one of these things, or have any form of an emotional reaction to any situation, you’re automatically inferior, or too “womanly,” for the real world. You know what I mean, especially when it comes to being a working woman. There’s that one, or two, or three co-workers male or female alike, who are watching you day to day just waiting for you to break under pressure so they can tell you to just give up your career and be a stay at home mom. Oh, and let us not forget the ones who judge the women who ARE stay at home mommies, and tell them their lack of “work ethic,” is disappointing. 

I mean when is the judgment on women going to stop?

And what’s even worse is when we find women tearing each other down even more than society already does. If we want to be stay at home moms who work from home, we’re still somehow lazy to the mom who works full-time uptown, because we aren’t willing to leave the house to work. Or if our at home job is only enough pay to pay half of the bills, we are selfish because our partner is out there working harder to make means meet! You know everything HAS to literally be 50/50 in a marriage even when it comes to finances. And if you want to equally provide as much or even MORE than your partner, that’s great as long as you’re happy! 

So why are women always comparing their lives to one another’s and getting spiteful out of jealousy, when we all really have one common factor in play? We are all ultimately trying to justify our life choices and lifestyles to that of which society has created in it’s mold for the “perfect woman.” 

How truly sad it is to actually step back and think about. 

I mean if you think about it, almost everywhere you go in life there seems to always be a nay-sayer, a gossiper, a back stabber, and a disappointing deceiver. Whether you find and face them within the workplace, your family gatherings, social group, your church, your child’s school PTA group, the yoga class you attend twice a week, wherever! Here’s one thing I have learned to do… to lift your head up and look past them all. 

Doing just so doesn’t mean you’re trying to give off a message of being better than them, it just means they’re opinions and views of you don’t matter! And more importantly, you are stating that the normal behavior or perspective of society that is deemed as acceptable, just doesn’t apply to you. And it isn’t for anyone else to say that, that’s not okay!

The rules of society don;t like when  you turn against them or disagree with what they say. 

When people in this world look at you and tell you who you should be, and what you should be doing and how to do it, you have to throw the picture perfect image back in their faces. You have to rise above the self-inflicted disappointments and stop allowing yourself to self-compare not only to other women but to other peoples lives, jobs, hobbies, bodies, anything and everything in between! You are a beautiful, gifted, wonderful human being no matter what you do for a living, if at all. You are not defined by your job, your mothering and nurturing of life, your wifely-hood, (no you don’t have to be a cellulite free trophy wife to make your husband blessed), and you are sure as heck not defined by what society tells us women to be. 

It’s okay to laugh and to be joyful, but it’s also okay to cry and be angry at times too. 

Women are emotional, that is something society will always be reminding us of, but men cry too. Men feel emotions just as much as we do, though they may experience them differently. And though some women may be more independent and more self-reliant, it’s okay to be dependent and in need of a man to help you everyday too. No matter who you are, you are you, and that will not change. Don’t feel weak for needing something different in life than the women you call your neighbor. And don;t sell yourself short because you feel less than because you don’t add up to society’s “ideal woman.” 

Society may not like when we rise up and fight back, but who cares. We are human, and we will be who we want to be, against all odds. 

I know it can be hard to let go of someone you care about, especially when you never wanted to get to the crossroad of having to choose between giving up or continue to go through the same unhealthy cycle. But as painful as it may be, sometimes that's just a risk you have to take. 

You have to have faith that letting go of this person isn't the end of your happiness and that you will be alright in the end. You have to believe that you are doing the right thing not just for yourself, but for him as well. 

As hard as it might be, you can no longer ignore the signs that clearly show he's just not the one for you.

1. No matter how much you try to be, you're just never his first priority. He chooses literally anyone and anything over you, even when you already thought you had plans. 

2. The both of you feel overly drained and worn out from trying so hard. 

3. You never feel fully satisfied with your relationship.

4. You can't ever seem to find common ground in any situation anymore. Everything's a tug of war game!

5. He doesn't try to encourage you when you're falling down.

6. You're giving up on trying to understand him. His actions never match his words, and his words never add up so you're just sitting there like a fool trying to figure out the truth on your own. 

7. You feel abandoned often. 

8. You push his needs and wants aside because you don't feel like dealing with it. All he does is complain about what you're doing wrong or what you should be doing for him, but you're always left dry. 

9. You both feel distant and seem withdrawn from one another more times than not. 

10. Though you do still love him, it's just not the same kind of love anymore. You once thought you were in love with him, that he was the 'One,' but now you feel turned off by the whole thought. 

11. You often catch yourself wondering what it would be like to be with someone else.

12. You feel like he deserves someone better.  Maybe you're just selfish and unhappy and he needs someone who can love him better. Or at least that's what you let yourself think and believe. 

13. You want more space from each other than you want to spend time together. 

14. Though there's still a little bit of trying on both sides, the effort to make each other happy just isn't there.

15. You're finding yourself focusing more on where you can go in life alone, rather than with him as a part of your future. Let's face it head-on. If he's not a part of your future plan or in your future thoughts, he just doesn't need to be here at all. Life's too short to be with someone who isn't going to be there to watch you grow into the person you're working on becoming. 

You're the type of girl that thrives no matter what life throws your way, but sometimes your heart and soul just need a little extra love to keep you fresh in the game. Nothing like the right words to give some pep to your step and keep on thriving. 

1. "Forget the mistake. Remember the lesson." – Unknown

2. "My mission in life is not merely to survive, but to thrive; and to do so with some passion, some compassion, some humor, and some style." – Unknown

3. "Throw your dreams into space like a kite, and you do not know what it will bring back, a new life, a new friend, a new love, a new country." – Unknown

4. "Life isn’t about finding yourself. Life is about creating yourself." – George Bernard Shaw

5. "Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like." – Will Rogers

6. "Every man dies. Not every man really lives." – William Ross Wallace

7. "Life isn’t a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways, chocolate in one hand, latte in the other, body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming ‘Woohoo WHAT A RIDE’!" – Unknown

8. "Life is either a daring adventure or nothing." – Helen Keller

9. "Never be bullied into silence. Never allow yourself to be made a victim. Accept no one’s definition of your life; define yourself." – Harvey Fierstein

10. "In the end, it's not going to matter how many breaths you took,  but how many moments took your breath away." – Shing Xiong

11. "Feelings come and feelings go. There is no need to fear them and no need to crave them. Let them come, and then let them go. No feeling is your permanent reality, no matter how intense it is." – Unknown

12. "You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face." – Eleanor Roosevelt

13. "People will hate you, rate you, shake you, and break you. But how strong you stand is what makes you." – Unknown

14. "We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand." – Randy Pausch

15. “Only those who risk going too far can possibly find out how far they can go.” – T.S. Eliot

16. “Believe me! The secret of reaping the greatest fruitfulness and the greatest enjoyment of life is to live dangerously!" – Friedrich Nietzsche

17. "Do not go where the path may lead, go instead where there is no path and leave a trail.” – Ralph Waldo Emerson

18. “Don’t die without embracing the daring adventure your life is meant to be.” – Steve Pavlina

19. "Plunge boldly into the thick of life, and seize it where you will, it is always interesting.” – Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe

20. “If you obey all the rules, you miss all the fun.” – Katharine Hepburn