If Your Boyfriend Does These 20 Things, It’s a Forever Thing

Not to sound like everybody’s grandmother here, but finding a man in this day in age is a damn mission and a half. Finding a good man? EVEN HARDER. Finding a man who stays loyal AND plans for your future? Girl, marry him ASAP because that sh*t is rare.

 

Being a twenty-something year old in 2017 is wild. This is the part of your life where people expect us to settle down and get married, buy a house, and soon after, have babies. Ugh, I know, right?

 

This list is to help you narrow down whether or not your man is ready for the long-run because if you and your boyfriend can relate to the things on this list, you have got yourself a keeper, and you are set for life. Go be free, get married, and live happily ever after. I have done my job. You’re welcome.

 

1.He appreciates you and shows it.

It’s not hard to say thank you, and your boyfriend knows that. He tells you how much he loves that you’re his girlfriend.

17 Definite Signs You’ve Found The Person You’re Going To Marry

So you’ve found someone, and it’s been going well. In a relationship, you basically have two options: to marry your significant other, or to break up with them – no pressure guys. Call me unrealistic, but I feel like you shouldn’t settle either. I feel like if you’re going to be in love with someone and potentially marry them, they should make you feel like no other love you’ve ever felt before. I know it’s not realistic to expect a mind-blowing, insanely perfect relationship every hour of every day (trust me, there will be bad days), but I think that being in a serious relationship means that you want to progress with that person and potentially even marry them if that’s what you have planned for yourself. Here are some ways that I think prove you’ve found the person you’re going to marry. Love-Advice-101, ladies and gentlemen.

1. You’re willing to work through anything and everything together.

This is important. You cannot marry somebody who isn’t willing to always try and work things out with you. Life gets hard sometimes. Things happen and you and your significant other will run into problems about your relationship, guaranteed. The difference between a temporary relationship and serious, possibly-get-married type of relationship is the fact that you and your partner are willing to work things out, no matter what. Some of the conversations will be uncomfortable and some of them will make you cry – but, you need to work through the hard things to ever experience the good times.

2. It’s easy to imagine growing old with this person.

Not to be weird, but I can’t wait to be a little old lady with my boyfriend (future husband) by my side. He’s the only person I’ve ever dated that I could picture growing up with. Life is crazy and we meet so many different people. I can’t imagine having a family, retiring and getting older with anyone else. Make sure you find someone you can imagine this with because it might become a reality.

3. You share similar values and life-goals.

Being married to someone means sharing your whole life with them and living life together, but you can’t really do that if you have completely different morals, values, and goals. They obviously don’t have to be 100% exact either, but I think it’s important to be aware of each other’s values and life goals and see if some of them match up. If your partner has different morals or values that make you uncomfortable, don’t ignore that. It will come up as a problem in the long run. And, no one wants to get married just to get divorced.

4. You have similar living habits.

It’d be difficult to live with someone who is messy if you’re super organized, or a night owl if you’re a morning person. It’s not impossible, but it’s so much easier to live with someone who shares similar major habits with you. Sure, you two may not match up 100% of the time with everything, but if they’re understanding and you both are willing to compromise on things, it’ll be smooth sailing.

5. In a room full of people, they make you feel like you’re the only one there.

This is one of the main reasons why I fell in love with my boyfriend. From the night we met, it’s always felt like even if we were in a room full of people, we were the only ones there, and I had never felt that before. Even now, we’re constantly off to the side at parties laughing at our own jokes and forgetting that other people exist, and I think that’s so crazy and so rare. Marry someone who makes you feel like this.

6. You both get stupidly excited dreaming about your future together, no matter how unrealistic the fantasy.

In our dreams, my boyfriend and I own matching Mercedes G-Classes and we have a studio attached to our million-dollar house to make art and music in. This might actually be our life one day, but it might not, and we’re okay with that too. Dreaming about it together and pretending we live this life is just as fun.

7. But, you also plan realistic things together.

My boyfriend and I have also planned out the type of bookshelf we need in our future house. Glamorous? No. Possible to fulfill so I can live like Belle from Beauty and the Beast? Yes.

8. They’re your number one fan, and you are theirs.

I don’t even think you can be in a normal relationship with someone who doesn’t fully support the things that you want in life, let alone marry them. Don’t settle for someone who doesn’t give you their full support. Even if your dreams seem silly, even if your goals seem out of reach – your partner should always support you 100%. Find someone who’s your number one fan, and marry TF out of them.

9. They like your seriously weird quirks and habits.

You shouldn’t feel like you need to change the little things about who you are as a person in order to make your significant other happy. In fact, you should never change who you are to make someone else happy. The person you marry should accept the fact that you hate wearing pants (me) or that sometimes, in order to ground yourself on a stressful day, you need to lay down on the floor for a few hours (also me). The person you’re going to spend the rest of your life with will love the things about you that other people may find “weird.”

10. They don’t care that you snore at night (and other weird things).

Guys, I am a disgusting sleeper. I’m just going to put that out there right now. I knew that I wanted to marry my boyfriend when he said he liked when I snored because it meant I was having a good sleep. Sometimes I also sleep with my eyes kind of opened. It’s literally the weirdest thing, but my boyfriend doesn’t really care that I look like a zombie while I sleep, and that is why I’m keeping him around.

11. Running errands is actually fun with them.

Why would you want to be with somebody who doesn’t make simple things even a little bit more fun? Here’s my theory: laughter keeps you healthy, and errands get things done, so why not kill two birds with one stone?

12. They bring out an excitement for life in you.

Remember when you were little and you wouldn’t be able to sleep because you were so excited for a class trip the next school day? That’s what it feels like when you’re with the person you’re supposed to marry. They make you the most excited just to be alive with them, regardless of what you’re doing.

13. The love between you isn’t selfish.

You love each other without condition, and you don’t expect anything in return. Being in love with someone means that you want the best for them, not just the best for yourself, and I think that that’s important to know because you can’t base any relationship on self-centered needs and expect it to thrive. You realize that your relationship is a partnership, not just one-sided and both of you need to be happy in order for it to grow.

14. It’s easy to make big decisions together.

Anything from figuring out which cafe to go to, to figuring out which city to live in or which neighborhood to buy your house is easy when you do it together. You both know what you want, and you both know when to make compromises in making decisions. Making decisions, both minor and major, shouldn’t be difficult with the person that you’re going to marry – you’re going to have to make decisions for the rest of your life together.

15. They’ve changed your outlook on life.

Before I met my boyfriend, I was so against the idea of marriage after watching the marriage of my parents fall apart. Once I met him, all of that changed. I realized that love doesn’t have to be a negative thing, and it doesn’t always have to end badly. I can honestly say that my boyfriend has changed the way I view the world, and I never thought I’d ever been able to say that.

16. They inspire you to be a better person.

The person you marry should always inspire you. Life is about growing, and that shouldn’t stop once you get older and settle down. The person you are with should bring out the best version of yourself – without having to change who you are. The person you love, they should love.

17. You’ve gone through a lot together.

Sometimes life isn’t fair. Sometimes really bad things happen in your life, and sometimes that makes a relationship weaker. Going through serious things, both good or bad, with your significant other is a really good way to see if you’re both in it for the long haul. As long as you two can be there for each other and support each other through the good and bad, it’s a match made in heaven.

13 Small Signs You’re Not Taking Care Of Yourself

Winter has come. ‘Tis the season for seasonal depression and the stress of holidays and final exams. Self-care can sometimes get put in the back of our minds, but let me tell you, nothing is worth more than your physical and mental wellness, I promise. I speak from experience. I cannot stress enough how important it is to try to take care of yourself during stressful times. Sometimes it’s hard to realize when you’re lacking in the self-care department, so here are some ways that show me that I need to step up my self-care game.

1. You aren’t getting enough sleep.

This is obvious. Sometimes, you get to the point of being stressed out where you have slight bouts of insomnia and that’s when you know there’s problem, and trust me, this has happened to me so many times now, it’s ridiculous. What I’ve been making a habit of doing is actually ending my day an hour earlier if possible. I don’t have to fall asleep right away, but I’ll get in bed at 11 P.M. instead of at midnight. I’ll start my nighttime facial cleansing routine earlier to let my body know that it’s time for bed. Any work that I haven’t completed by then can wait until the next day.

2. You don’t drink enough water.

Drinking a proper amount of water honestly is the easiest thing to do, and it’s the best thing. I carry a  refillable water bottle in my bag every day, and I make sure it has labels of how much water I’ve drunk that day so I know if I’m behind on my water consumption. Drinking the right amount of water each day can honestly make up for the damage lack of sleep does to your skin, and what forgetting to eat balanced meals can do to your body (use this to supplement, but not to replace!!).

3. You forget to eat proper meals.

Ugh. Getting three meals and two snacks in every day is a struggle with a capital S. I am the queen of forgetting to eat but guys, that’s not good. Not eating ruins your focus and makes you tired and feel physically weak, and you don’t need that when you’re trying to conquer the world. Meal prep, plan out snacks or make smoothies ahead of time to grab on your way out the door. Anything helps!!

4. You aren’t getting enough fruits and veggies into your diet.

This was a problem I faced a lot when I was constantly at work and school, and it was actually affecting me more than I realized. Not getting enough produce in your diet really messes up your vitamin levels and blood sugar. My lack of nutrients on top of immense stress was literally causing me to lose hair, and it was the worst. I’ve started keeping bags of frozen fruits and veggies in my freezer, and it allows me to easily eat them with every meal. I’m obsessed.

5. You’re constantly surrounded by darkness.

If your mood suffers when Daylight Savings occurs, being in dark rooms just makes everything way worse. Turn on the lights, open the curtains, buy a light therapy box, and get outside as much as possible. Even the slightest bit of sunlight every day helps your mood and stress levels, I promise.

6. You are surrounded by toxic people and negative energy.

I used to be the worst about letting toxic people stay in my life and it was so bad for me, my energy, and my health. Making the decision to remove negative people and energy from my life was literally the best decision. I haven’t felt this emotionally light and been surrounded by such good vibes in so long. Surround yourself with people who love you and who radiate positivity. It’ll do wonders for your mood and health.

7. Everything around you is cluttered and messy.

You can’t expect to have a clear mind if your space is messy and full of stuff. It’s a huge sign, for me, that I haven’t been taking proper care of myself when my room gets really messy. You don’t have to deep clean your entire house in the middle of finals season, but making sure your desk space or kitchen or room is cleared of any visible garbage or clutter really really makes a difference in how you think and focus.

8. You aren’t getting enough exercise.

I don’t mean, hardcore, weight-loss-as-your-goal type of exercise. I mean literal body movement. If you’re sitting at a desk working all day, every day, it becomes really straining on your body and your mind. Take the stairs instead of taking the elevator. Go for a little walk once a day to get your blood flowing. Join a gym to motivate you to get moving (crazy, I know). Working out is honestly the best form of therapy for me- it helps me think clearly, and it gives me an excuse to take a break from working.

9. You don’t take any breaks.

This is so important. Working for eight hours straight seems like a productive idea, but your mind and body will just be drained without frequent breaks. Taking care of yourself can be as simple as taking a 30-minute break every few hours to eat, stretch, drink water, scroll through Instagram, clear your desk, book a flight somewhere, you get it.

10. Without realizing it, you’ve been isolating yourself from people.

This, for me, is a big red flag. When I find myself not talking to people and constantly keeping to myself, I know that something’s going on. As introverted as I tend to be, socializing is really good for my mental state, and avoiding it to do work all day long is really dangerous.

11. Your mood has made a shift in the last few weeks.

Constant stress and a heavy workload can lead to a shift in mood, especially if you suffer from Seasonal Depression. This is also a red flag for me to know that I’m not prioritizing myself. If I find myself constantly anxious and depressed, I know that it’s time to take a step back and re-prioritize myself. Your health is more important than the amount of work that you need to complete in a day, I promise. There’s always another day to finish up whatever you need to.

12. Your skin isn’t glowing as much as it used to.

You know you’re lacking in the self-care department when your skin starts to look dull and bumpy. This is what I try to avoid, being someone who grew up with really bad acne (been there, done that. Don’t wanna look back, ever). I used to neglect my skincare routine, but it only made me feel worse because neglecting my skin led to me having less than stellar skin, which led me to feel way less confident in myself, and nobody wants that.

13. You’re exhausted. All the time.

Whenever I hit a stressful period of time, I find myself unable to rest, ever. I’m constantly on edge and I can never sleep at night or even chill when I’m taking a break from doing work. This is how I know that I have to reset my routine and get back into one that prioritizes me and my health more.

10 Things I Wish People Understood About My Depression

Depression is something that millions of people face every day of their lives. It’s way more common than many realize, yet, the stigma surrounding it is unreal. I personally have depression, and I have been vocal about my diagnosis for years now because I refuse to let something so serious get hidden under stigmas and invalidation. Even though I don’t hide the fact that I have depression, there are so many things that people don’t know about my illness or how I handle it. Here are some things I wish more people understood about depression, because I know I’m not alone in my battle with depression, and I know that nobody else will this illness is alone either.

10. My depression turns me into somebody I’m not.

Depression is really manipulative. It can, and it does turn me into a person that I don’ t know, and that I don’t like. It makes me impulsive and careless, and it makes me numb and empty, and I am none of those things. When I’m going through a hard bat with my depression, I wish people understood I’m just as uncomfortable with the way I am acting as they are. I’m unhappy with my demeanor and I’m unhappy with the way I react and make other people feel. But, I try to the best of my ability to work on it.

9. My depression is just that – it doesn’t define who I am.

Being depressed isn’t a title. It’s a diagnosis, and that’s it. I will not let my diagnosis dictate how I see myself or how I let others see me. I won’t let my diagnosis stop me from accomplishing the things that I’ve dreamed of accomplishing. It’s not something that I necessarily ‘suffer’ from 24/7, it’s just something that I have, and something that I manage. While some days are hard, others are even harder. But, I won’t let it control me, I won’t let it be the boss of my life.

8. I need you to be patient with me.

I’m going to be honest, managing a mental illness is hard. It’s even harder when you’re trying to figure it all out along the way. Nobody is born with a manual on how to deal with being mentally ill, and having to deal with one and learn about it at the same time means that I’ll make mistakes, and I’ll get frustrated with myself and everybody trying to help me. I’m sorry, and I need you to be patient with me. I can’t do this alone.

7. Therapy and medication might not always work, and that’s normal.

The first time I went through this, I thought the idea of getting better was completely useless. I learned soon after that this is normal, and that I’m going to have to try every single form of therapy and multiple medications until one really works for me. I’ve been trying to manage my depression for about five years now, and I’m just starting to learn what helps and what doesn’t.

6. Depression is terrifying.

I’m scared of my depression, and I’m scared of who my depression turns me into. I know that my depression scares those close to me, but trust me, it scares me the most. Turning into somebody who you don’t know and don’t like and letting doctors probe into your life and prescribe you different pills that they don’t even know will work is terrifying. It’s scary, but it’s a process, and I know that it won’t always be this scary.

5. Just because I have depression doesn’t mean that I won’t be genuinely happy on some days.

This was something that surprisingly took me a while to realize. While being mentally ill involves a lot of sad and anxious days, there are also a lot of really happy days. Sometimes I find myself being really, genuinely happy for no reason and those are the best days. They happen, and I hold onto those days with everything I have.

4. Recovery is non-linear.

There will be good days and there will be bad days. I’ll take two steps forward and four steps back, and it happens a lot. It’s normal. Managing depression is a constant battle between moving forward and getting pulled back and people don’t realize that. Just because I was doing really well last week doesn’t mean that I’m doing really well today. Everything happens one day at a time, and that’s what more people need to understand.

3. My depression is not your fault.

It is a flaw in chemistry, and it is not your fault. I don’t want people to blame themselves for my depression because they think that they did something to trigger it or make it worse. It took me forever to stop blaming myself over it, but I’ve realized that a brain chemical imbalance is to blame, not a person.

2. Depression isn’t just sadness.

Depression is a mix of every type of emotion known to humankind in the worst way. It’s getting angry over nothing and laughing when you’re supposed to cry. It’s a lack of tears and weak knees and not being able to get out of bed for a few days. It doesn’t make sense, but I’ve had to get used to it, and now it’s my life, but that’s okay.

1. I want to stay alive.

Regardless of what I might say on a bad day, I want to stay alive. I have so many things I want to do and to create before I die and I don’t want to cut that short, ever. Being mentally ill can smother any motivation to do everyday tasks and sometimes, even to live, but don’t take that seriously, and know that it’ll pass.

Why My Mother’s Affair Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me

All my life I wanted the type of relationship with my mom that the little girls had in the movies. I remember wanting nothing more than to be able to talk to my mom about everything. I wanted to be able to tell her about my plans in life and my obscure dreams without having her criticize me for being unrealistic.

I remember wanting nothing more than to be comfortable enough to tell her about my feelings or about that boy I liked in school. I wanted nothing more than to be able to walk past my mother and be confident in my appearance and who I was and to have her look at me and know that she was proud.

I went 18 years getting criticized by my mother for anything and everything I did, and when she walked out on my family, it was the best day of my life.

I never believed in the term “a blessing in disguise” until I found out about my mother’s year-long affair with an old co-worker. Of course my family was devastated, and I was devastated right up alongside them, but I was never really upset.

I was angry over what my mother did to my dad and sister and how she let them cry without a single look of remorse on her face, but at this point in my life, I was years into various mental illnesses, and as much as I hate to put this on other people, my relationship with my mom had contributed a great deal to them. I realized after she left that I was doing better without her. I was doing better without the woman that brought me into this world, and that was a weird thing to understand.

My mother was the most toxic person in my life, and through her absence, I learned that you need to get rid of toxic people no matter who they are. It gets to a point where you realize that you come first, and you need to prioritize yourself and do whatever it takes to be okay with who you are. I could spend all day and night blaming her for everything, but I don’t really see the point of that.

For me, removing negative relationships involves cutting off all ties, and thoughts are no exceptions. If I spent all my time thinking about people who hurt me, where would I be? I would be exactly where I started, letting these people control my mind.

It’s a really strange concept, removing people from your life that you didn’t think you could live without, but sometimes it needs to be done. Of course, I’m still affected by what my mother did and how she shaped my childhood, but I’m alive now, and I’m okay now, and that might not have been the case if my parents were still together.

Losing my mother taught me that sometimes the people you’re supposed to love the most are the ones that you need to let go, and I’m so thankful that I realized this before it was too late. I never ever thought I’d publicly share this story, and I still don’t really know why I’m telling you all this, but I’d rather have my story out there than to see another person ruined by a toxic relationship.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

10 Reasons Why Your Wine Obsession Is Actually Good For You

Everyone who knows me knows that wine is my favorite thing to drink. In high school, my best friend and I would have weekly wine nights and everyone laughed at us but apparently now wine is trendy amongst millennials. We’ve known for years that wine is an all-encompassing magical health drink, and I’m about to share its magic with the world. I am fully convinced that wine is healthy, and here’s why:

10.  There is no specified time to drink wine.

Wine is okay at all times of the day. Ran out of coffee? Just mix rosé with OJ and some fruit and you have a lovely little sangria to go with your toast. Perfect.

9. Wine cannot make you fat.

It’s fat-free, and it actually helps you burn calories so what’s the point in drinking anything else? Drink wine on the treadmill-DOUBLE THE CALORIES BURNED (probably… doesn’t hurt to try).

8. Wine drunk is the BEST kind of drunk.

The world becomes your dancefloor and you love everything and everyone. The world is just a really good place after a bottle of wine. Mental health– duh. 

7. Wine naturally has immune-boosting powers.

Heck ya. Magic. *drops mic*

6. Wine is FULL of antioxidants.

Which is what everyone needs on a daily basis…why not get double the amount by drinking double the wine?

5. It’s so much more socially acceptable…

to drink wine out of the bottle than it is to drink tequila out of the bottle…trust me, I’ve done both… many times.

4. Wine lowers your cholesterol.

Lower cholesterol lessens your chances for heart disease, which essentially means that wine can save your life.

3. WINE HELPS PREVENT CANCER.

No explanation needed, ladies and gentlemen.

2. Wine helps you retain more information.

Hello, 4.0 GPA. Harvard Law, you can accept me at any time.

1. Last but DEFINITELY not least, red wine boosts your sex drive.

Its scent and flavor has sex drive boosting powers. Heck ya x2. Sorry dad.

Wine is beautiful. Wine is happiness. Wine is everything you need in a bottle. I’m a self-proclaimed health freak so naturally, I am willing to do whatever it takes to put my health first, and if that means that I can drink a lot of wine and get away with it, that’s totally okay with me. Anything to validate my wine consumption is a fun time for Yunesta, and maybe I won’t have to lie to my doctor so often about it if everyone knew the benefits to this lovely grape beverage. Now I know I’m not the only one who needs wine to survive, and to everyone else like me, you’re welcome, friends.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

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