21 Cheaters Reveal Their Reasons For Blowing Up Their Relationships

If you’re an adult, this should pretty much go without saying, but cheating is really one of the worst things you can do to someone with whom you’re in a relationship. And the worst thing about that worst thing is just how many people somehow don’t see cheating as a problem, or don’t see what they’re doing (cheating) as actually cheating.

Some people will say, “We only kissed, that’s not cheating!” as if everything is completely fine as long there’s no actual sex, which is a ridiculous assumption. Ugh, the whole thing is a mess of betrayal and lies leading to drama and pain. It’s almost enough to make you want to throw the towel in on dating altogether. But just almost. Come on. We’re human. We’re gonna keep going back for more.

There are so many factors that lead people to cheat—their upbringing (as in, the situation with their parents), their self-esteem, and how they ultimately feel about relationships, to name just a few. Also, some people are just kind of more selfish than others. And sneaky! But it truly is always the fault of the cheater and not the cheatee. The cheatee is in no way responsible for the behavior of the cheater, and the cheater blaming them for their own mistakes when they cheat is just adding insult to injury.

Here are 21 actual reasons people have given for why they cheated, as told by their exes.

1.

She said “My mom cheated on my dad when they first started dating.”

moneycomet

2.

“It’s not really cheating because I don’t love you anymore. I just think of you as a really good friend.”

8 years together, engaged to be married.

Indy_Pendant

3.

“We’re in an open relationship!”

Except we weren’t. The day before she asked if I would be open to one and I said let me think about it and we can talk tomorrow. The next day comes around and she said she has to go to a study session with one of her friends when i get home. I found out she was at a dick session when she was telling her best friend immediately after.

Trojanfatty

4.

“I dont understand American culture.” Was a pretty good one.

CaptainQuiz

5.

When confronted she just said “Well his dick was 30 cm, I just couldn’t resist touching it.” I really couldn’t think of an answer back then.

equ1n0xe

6.

“I’ve cheated with everyone I’ve ever been in a relationship with.”

Why would you not tell me that before we got into a relationship??

fatshambles

7.

“I wore a condom…technically, I didn’t even touch her!”

DwightFrank

8.

“I was testing you to see if you’d stay loyal even if I cheated.”

Juice_Campbell

9.

“It’s your fault, you drove me to it.”

Me: Taking care of our two kids <3y, working full time, bread winner, doing the household chores… so yeah, I was kind of angry/tired all the time

Him: working in ‘music’, going to concerts all the time and sleeping in.

Radio_Caroline79

10.

She said she wasn’t cheating, I got sent to me a picture of her (nudes) from the guy she was cheating on me with and he said, “look familiar”. When I confronted her about it she said those were old pictures and he was just trying to start shit. I was like hmm fair enough, then I realized that the pictures were literally taken in her dorm room that she had just moved into that year and I was standing in the same spot that she took them in as I was talking to her which made me realize, took me a second to realize that but yeah that sucked. Rough time for me on that one

12carrd

10 Signs Your Partner Doesn’t Respect You

Nobody wants to admit that their partner doesn’t respect them. This terrible truth comes out in different kinds of ways, all with the common thread of not treating you how you deserve to be treated. Here are some signs this is happening to you.

1. THEY DON’T LISTEN TO YOU. Listening is a significant part of communication, if it’s not there then you have a big problem. Maybe your partner only seems half-there when you talk or perhaps it seems things just go in one ear and out the other. They often can’t remember conversations you had because they weren’t listening and/or they don’t care.

2. THEY DON’T MAKE YOU A PRIORITY.You should be a top priority in their life—you’re their partner. If they can’t make proper space for you, why stick with them? Maybe this lack of respect looks like not having time for you in their schedule or not paying proper attention to you while you’re in a group of people. Whatever it is, you aren’t getting the attention and appreciation you deserve.

3. THEY DON’T TAKE THE TIME TO LEARN ABOUT WHAT’S IMPORTANT TO YOU. Maybe your partner doesn’t identify as a feminist but you do. This is likely a topic that you’re very passionate about because it’s a core part of who you are. A partner who respects you would take the time to learn about what feminism is, knowing how important it is to you. They’d be open-minded enough to stretch their understandings of things.

4. THEY INTERRUPT YOU. This is something that all women have to deal with on a regular basis: at work, out in public, and sometimes unfortunately in their relationship. This tends to happen in straight relationships when you’re dating a man. You’re talking about something and then suddenly he’s talking over you like his opinion is more important. Ugh. However, it should be noted that this could also happen with women or non-binary folk as partners too—no one is immune.

5. YOU HAVE TO MAKE EXCUSES FOR THEIR BEHAVIOR TO LOVED ONES.Your friends see right through your partner’s crap. They notice they aren’t treating you well and they want you to get out of the relationship. As a last attempt at trying to soothe your loved one’s nerves, you come up with a bunch of excuses about why your partner does what they do. You excuse their poor behavior and sometimes even go to the extreme of lying for them.

6. THEY INVITE FRIENDS OUT ON YOUR DATE. You’re looking forward to just you and your partner, a night out together. Maybe you’re envisioning a romantic dinner and a chance to really connect. Instead, your partner asks if you mind going to a local pub because their buddy is going to join. This isn’t a one-time occurrence either—it’s happened many times before.

7. THEY PAY A TON OF ATTENTION TO THEIR PHONE WHEN YOU’RE TOGETHER. I get it, we all love to be on our phones, but there’s a limit. Your partner should be minimizing their phone usage when you’re with one another. You should be enjoying each other’s company, most other things can wait. Of course, there are exceptions like when you’ve mutually agreed to be together while also hanging out on your phones because this can definitely happen. I’m talking about times like being at dinner.

8. THEY HIGHLIGHT YOUR WEAKNESSES.When you’re in an argument and sometimes even when you’re not, they like to point out what they perceive as wrong with you. Maybe they’re flaws you’ve identified yourself or some that they’ve decided on. Regardless, your partner loves to talk about them, especially when you two are in a fight or the spotlight is on them.

9. THEY DON’T RECIPROCATE ORAL SEX.This is a big one. A half-decent partner will take the time to reciprocate oral sex. Especially if you’re regularly going down on them, it should be equal. If it’s not then this is a sign that your partner just doesn’t have enough respect for you.

10. THEY DON’T ALLOW YOU TO HAVE YOUR OWN SPACE. Disrespect doesn’t always have to take the form of doing something outwardly rude. It can also disguise itself as something loving like your partner wanting to spend a ton of time with you. This may seem nice on the surface, but in reality, they aren’t respecting the fact that you have your own life. You two should have a life together as well as your own separate lives. Boundaries are good.

This article originally appeared on Bolde.

15 Dating ‘Green Flags’ That Let You Know He’s A Keeper

Most of us can share at least a handful of red flags we wished we’d noticed (or chosen to acknowledge) in a past relationship. However, because it’s 2018 and there’s already plenty of negativity in the world, Reddit asked its users to talk about green flags they saw in their significant other—things that made them realize “hey, this person isn’t a piece of human garbage”—and these are our favorite ones.

1.

Talking for 5 hours but only thinking the date lasted around 90 minutes

Saturn_5_speed

https://giphy.com/gifs/throwingshade-tv-land-tvland-26gslmOUHAyAURVGo

2.

If you are introverted, if you hang out with them and it feels just like being alone. Like they don’t affect your “dealing with people” meter. You feel comfortable around them

3.

A friend of mine hit it off in the car with her date that they ended up driving over two hours PAST their date destination. When conversation is that good, you’ve got a blaring green light! They’re married for around 15 years now.

4.

When they actually pay attention to what you’re talking about and even make the effort to come back to the topic if interrupted.

5.

The first time my now husband ever touched me it felt like I knew him a 1,000 years already. I don’t like being touched, and the instant comfort I got.. I knew I wasn’t just going after booty on this one.

brae_hicks

https://giphy.com/gifs/heart-kristen-bell-PQKlfexeEpnTq

6.

According to my fiancée, it was when I first went to her house and get cat sat in my lap. Her cat hates everyone but loved me.

7.

When you find you’re comfortable enough with someone to open up about those parts of yourself that you’d normally be a little afraid to reveal – the insecurities, desires, dreams you hold inside yourself, and that you’re afraid of being mocked or criticized for. And then they react in a safe, supportive manner.

duhvorced

8.

Met a guy at a bar, he had a cake tin in a bag next to him.

Two weeks later he baked me a cake for my birthday, and we’ve been together now 19 years.

Only downside is he never baked me another cake!

Carborundorumite

9.

When they are kind to animals and people in the service industry – ESPECIALLY if they don’t know you’re watching them.

Blueheron77

https://giphy.com/gifs/glee-preach-vYGsUUBVbWVBC

10.

On my first date with the man who is now my fiance, we walked from our high school to a local restaurant and he insisted on walking on the side of the sidewalk that was closest to the road. In that moment he reminded me of my grandfather, who had recently passed, because when I was a small child my grandfather told me “A gentleman always walks closer to traffic than the lady.” It just gave me a really good feeling about him, that he was polite and a little bit old-fashioned.

particularshadeofblu

17 Post-Breakup Essentials That’ll Help You Embrace The Single Life

Breakups are excruciatingly difficult, especially if they’re not mutual (which, let’s be honest, they almost never are).In the aftermath of a split, it can be difficult to find moments of comfort amid the overwhelming and uncomfortable feelings of change.

If you or your friend has recently become single, then there are some necessary breakup survival items that you’re going to need, stat.

*Full disclosure: We may receive some portion of the sales made on this list. We’re putting all the money into stocks and bonds. And by stocks and bonds, I mean chocolate and ice cream.

17. Some USB-powered heated narwhal slippers.

Amazon

You need all the snuggly things you can get right now.

Get it on Amazon for $34.95

16. Printable “Breakup Survival Kit” wine bottle labels.

Etsy

If you’re going to be drinking, you might as well do it with a good sense of humor.

Get it on Etsy for $9.00

15. A phone case that will remind you not to text your ex.

Etsy

NO BOOTY CALLS, FAM.

Get it on Etsy for $12.99

14. A new shade of kickass lipstick.

Sephora

The NARS Velvet Matte Lipstick Pencil in “Cruella” will make you feel like a bold, new, single chick.

Get it on Sephora for $27.00

13. A mug that shrugs him right off.

Etsy

Coffee has never felt so smug.

Get it on Etsy for $13.50

12. Or, if you want to be even pettier, a cup for his tears.

Etsy

During a breakup, you gotta be a little ruthless sometimes.

Get it on Etsy for $10.99

11. A witchy pin so you’ll always remember that you’re magical.

Etsy

Maybe you can put a hex on your ex while you’re at it.

Get it on Etsy for $11.58

10. A pin to remind you that your friends will get you through this.

Etsy

Gather your best witches together and roast that jerk.

Get it on Etsy for $7.95

Your Words Are My Drug Of Choice

Your words are my drug of choice. They hoist me up to the heavens, leaving me awash in airy lightness as you strip the weight of life from my soul. They leave me high off a blissful euphoria as I long to hold onto every coveted syllable, hoping I can remain among the clouds for eternity.

As the words cascade from your lips, every hit of you leaves me longing for more, clinging to your promises that I am your future, wishing you were beside me. My worries escape me as I savor your powerful high; a sense of unquellable serenity. I drift further and further away from my problems as I immerse myself in your swirling kaleidoscope of colors, knowing there is nothing on Earth but me, you, and your magical mirage of deep blues and pure golds.

Your vivacious appellations seem to vanish too quickly, a mystical haze of fragrant smoke too alluring to resist. They can never seem to satiate my powerful hunger for endless sweet nothings, until you faithfully supply me with your linguistic charm, the drug that keeps my heart beating only for you.

I aimlessly flit away the days mindlessly dreaming of the music that flows from your lips and endure the nights lying awake in your absence, tossing and turning as my entire body burns with a passionate fever, itching for you as if you are the sole key to my survival. With an aching heart, I withdraw from the gentle rhythm of your voice, fruitlessly convincing myself that I can live without you.

But I am hopelessly addicted to your adoring locutions, the powerful ecstasy of pure love. Every trip takes me higher, further into your heart’s endless wonders. I ensconced myself in your dreamy euphoria, too faded on your love to return below the clouds.

Perhaps, I will recover from my unyielding desire for your passionate language. Perhaps, I will discover the natural high of self-validation. But every time the fantastical syllables slip from your mouth, leaving me high off your addictive love, I know that your words will always be my drug of choice.

This article originally appeared on Thought Catalog.

Why My Boyfriend Doesn’t Need Social Media For Us To Stay Connected

Today, our relationships are defined as legitimate when we become “Facebook official.” People judge couples based on how many pictures they post on their social media accounts, and whether they make each other their #wcw/#mcm. It’s nice to be able to flaunt your bae by tagging him in your adorable pics, but I have some news for you – your relationship is not confined to your social networks. At all.

Let me tell you why. The best part of my relationship is that my boyfriend doesn’t have social media.

There is zero paranoia. Social media brings this overwhelming cloud of curiosity and insecurity in relationships. “OMG, he liked her selfie, what an asshole.” “Who is this girl and why does she follow my boyfriend?” “Why am I not his Snapchat best friend anymore?” My boyfriend doesn’t have a Facebook, so we’re not Facebook official BUT I promise you that we’re 100% legitimate. Hard to process, right? He doesn’t have an Instagram, but I can still post a picture of us that makes me smile on my own account. He doesn’t have a Snapchat, but I can send him funny selfies whenever I want.

The best part? I never have to worry about unnecessary and petty jealousy. I don’t have to be tempted to check his Snapchat best friends. I don’t have to worry about girls who follow him on twitter or Instagram. I don’t have to check his Twitter to see if he #subtweets me. We can ACTUALLY communicate with each other in a healthy, old-fashioned way instead of relying on virtual signals. Often times our generation gets so wrapped up in plastering our relationships all over the internet that we forget to truly be with each other. When you eliminate that social media aspect or at least keep it in moderation, it becomes that much easier.

Jealousy is a waste of time. I trust my boyfriend with every fiber of my being, and I know the feeling is mutual. I don’t need to cyber-stalk him every day to have some peace of mind. It’s a beautiful thing. Without all the drama of social media, those stresses are practically non-existent. It’s the best feeling in the world to know that our relationship isn’t virtual. We have so many fewer things to stress about and we can just focus on each other.

I’m not saying social media “ruins” relationships, but I am saying that they can make them difficult at times. We get jealous, we’re human. But social media practically forces us to put our relationship on display and offers a world of potential drama and stress-inducing factors that your relationship could definitely live without. In fact, it would probably thrive.

So think about that next time you’re tempted to stalk his followers or creep on his Snapchat best friends. He may not be the cause of your anxiety, maybe it’s the means of the social network you revolve your relationship around. And remember, at the end of the day, you’re dating each other. Not your computer screens.

This article originally appeared on Unwritten.

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