David Foster Wallace once gave a commencement speech where he told a story about a couple of young fish swimming along. They pass an older fish who says “Morning boys, how’s the water?” After they pass on for a bit one young fish turns to the other and says “What the hell is water?” The point of the story is to illustrate that there are things surrounding and us shaping our lives that we take as ordinary to the point we don’t even notice them. We also don’t question them. Treating people differently based on their gender or sexuality used to be one of those things, but hopefully that’s starting to change.
Josh Weed is a gay man with an important point to make about how we treat women:
(1) I am a gay man who was raised in a heteronormative world. A part of this world I have always been baffled by is “modesty” culture.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(2) The main premise of “modesty” culture is that women need to dress in a way that doesn’t provoke sexual response in men. Which is insane.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(3) I think it is absolutely crazy that a man can look at a woman and say “I think you should wear something else, because seeing your skin
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(4) makes me feel aroused. And that arousal is strong and I haven’t learned how to appropriately manage it. So please change your clothes.”
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
Kinda throws a monkey wrench in the whole “women are emotional ones who can’t control their feelings.”
(5) This is BONKERS. Especially when men then start to claim that a woman is *worth* more if they dress a certain way. As if covering flesh
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(6) somehow earns a woman value, all because it doesn’t evoke a sexual response in men. And then, if a woman DOESN’T do this? Well now a
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(7) man has the right to chastise a woman, call her names, say she is slutty and wicked. All because *he* is having a sexual response!
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
Even worse than that, many men and women point to a woman’s attire when she claims to be a victim of sexual assault. Just recently, a Yale student was found not guilty after a trial where his attorneys slut-shamed the victim for her Halloween costume.
(8) Newsflash: women’s worth is STATIC. It is inviolable. It doesn’t change with what she does or doesn’t wear. It doesn’t change with sex.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(9) And a man’s sexuality is HIS OWN RESPONSIBILITY.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
PREACH.
(10) Wanna known I know this? It’s because in my whole life I have never told another man how to dress even though a man’s body arouses me.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(11) I have never told a man he should put his shirt on on a hot day when he is on a summer run. I have never demanded modesty from a guy.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(12) I have never expected men to stop wearing loose basketball shorts just because they might be revealing to me and turn me on.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(13) In fact, I have had, my entire life, been in situations where men take ALL THEIR CLOTHES OFF RIGHT IN FRONT OF ME (locker rooms, etc.).
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(14) And guess what? Even though I have felt aroused, I have never EVER blamed another man for that arousal. My arousal is about ME.Not him.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(15) I have never assualted another man for this. I have never raped another man for this. I have never claimed a man was “asking for it.”
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(16) A person’s worth is static, inviolable, and begins the day they are born as a baby until the day they die. Clothes do not change this.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(17) And a man’s arousal is HIS OWN DAMN RESPONSIBILITY. It is NOT the responsibility of the body that evoke’s that arousal. Ever.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(18) Straight men blaming women for their own sexual responses degrades women. And it disempowers men. It excuses them from taking ownership
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(19) of their own bodies. And it allows them to build fury towards what they covet. It’s dangerous. It leads to assault. It IS rape culture.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(20) My four daughters deserve better than this. They deserve to be safe. They deserve to wear what feels good to them on a summer day.
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
(21) And they deserve to relish knowing that they are valuable no matter WHAT they wear. (You know, the same message men get from birth on!)
— Josh Weed (@The_Weed) June 17, 2017
Hallelujah!
