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21 Things That The Girl Who Is Clumsy AF Can Understand And Appreciate

If you ride the, ‘Clumsy AF Struggle Bus’ daily, welcome to the shit storm, you’re welcome. You understand how challenging it is to be a human at times. Let’s be honest, you are the girl who is literally the definition of a walking disaster, but hey, you’re entertainment value at least, right? You can’t even do the smallest of tasks without fucking up something, or yourself. Like:

1. Curling your hair is a dangerous task. 9/10 times you end up with a giant burn mark on your neck and being asked constantly if you have a hickey…Nope, just me not being able to human properly, that’s all.

2. Falling down stairs is a normal, everyday occurrence. Who the fuck thought it was a good idea to build TWELVE stairs to go up to one room anyways??

3. Anyone who knows you has well gotten over being shocked by the dumb shit that you do or happens to you. Your boss isn’t even surprised when you come into work the next day with a sprained wrist, because you tripped UP the fucking stairs.

4. You’d think you would learn your lesson and be more aware of your surroundings… But nah, that’s wayyyy too logical. Instead, you live life on the edge, and by living life on the edge, I mean, face planting in Kroger right in front of the super hot guy walking out. Naileddddd ittttt.

5. At this point in your life, you’ve just learned to accept that you are the human that you are, which is, accident prone. Now when stupid shit happens to you, it doesn’t faze you. It should humiliate you, but you don’t even bat an eye. You just continue on, no big deal.

6. You’re not even safe laying down in bed. You either punch yourself in the face trying to pull the blankets up, or drop your phone on your face…several times in one night…

7. Sports are hard, and nobody should trust you with a blunt object. But forreal though, who in the actual fuck gave you a bat? The end results aren’t pretty because who plays softball and blacks their own eye? You, that’s who.

8. Losing things, multiple times a day, is the norm. Can’t find your keys? Check the freezer.

9. You’ve started carrying a “just in case” bag in your car. You’re just trying to be prepared because you’ve done some pretty dumb shit. Enough shit that has made you wise, and come prepared with headache medicine, bandaids, tissues, Neosporin, Ace bandage, and Gorilla Glue (don’t ask.)

10. They say bitches be trippin’ over nothing, but they don’t know you. You are that human who can trip over air. Literally. You’ve done it before.

11. Your friends bring up all the stupid shit you’ve done to strangers all the time. “Remember that one time you were mopping and stepped on the mop when you went to put it up and it came back and hit you right in the forehead? Good times.” Yeah, great times.

12. But you do have the best, funniest, and dumbest stories of how you hurt yourself this time… Like bloodying your own nose trying to get out of the car because you forgot you were still seat belted in. And people ask you why you’re still single….

13. You’re the last to be asked to handle anything fragile. Or sharp. Or important. Or expensive. Everyone knows you are a bull in a china shop, and you’re the reason why they have to order more martini glasses at work…

14. And that’s why you are automatically blamed when something breaks at work. Loud crashes, broken glass, tea all over the floor because you forgot to put the nozzles on, and the entire staff’s judgy eyes are on you…Which is total BS, because you don’t always fuck up shit everytime, not intentionally anways.

15. You make life interesting at least. Never a dull moment with you around. Might have a nice dinner out with friends, might have to go to the hospital because you fell off the bar stool, sober, hit your head on the corner of the bar, and somehow twisted your ankle. Cheers!

16. If you had a dollar for every mysterious, random bruise that you woke up with, you’d be a millionaire. Instead, you just look like you lost a game of Mortal Kombat.

17. You never pay attention to where you are going. You’re known to run into shit all the time, usually a wall or a human. Except for that one time you ran into a mannequin, and apologized to it…and then realized what just happened, and proceeded to apologize again. *awkwardly looks around to see if anyone saw that*

18. Speaking of not paying attention…. Since you like to live in your own little world, you tend to zone out and then

spill queso all over your brand new shirt, or step on nails barefooted, or run straight into screen doors. All. The. Time.

19. Oh, yeah, doors…doors are hard. There are 16 year old Olympic gold medalists, and then there’s you. A 30 year old bartender. And all you’re getting a medal for is not spilling an entire slushy machine filled with margarita mix all over the ground…because that might have happened, once, or twice…

20. Murphy’s Law is your mantra. Because anything that can go wrong will go wrong when it comes to you. Even when it comes to the simplest tasks, like putting on makeup. You stab yourself in the eye with the wand at least once a week, and end up looking like a whole ass drowned racoon.

21. You can be a total spaz at times, and you probably should wrap yourself in bubble wrap. But on a positive note, your pain tolerance is hella high. So when you lose your balance and trip over the sidewalk, you walk that shit off and keep your head held high, like the clumsy AF queen that you are.

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About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE

19 Things That Only People Who Are Forever Scatterbrained Can Relate To

Are you the type of person who literally forgets their own name half the time, or runs into corners, (corners are the devil!) doors, and walls because you’re distracted and not paying attention? Then you’ll totally relate to these scatterbrained 19 things. Like.

1. You lose EVERYTHING. And I mean EVERYTHING. Your keys, your mind, your dignity. You’d lose your own head if it wasn’t attached.

2. And you find what you were looking for, in the most random places. Like your keys, in the fridge, for the third time this month…

3. Your room is messy AF and disorganized. Yes, it looks like a tornado struck your room, but hello, it’s called organized chaos. You know exactly where everything is. For the most part…

4. …Except when you set your phone down to do something, and then lose it. You end up spending 20 minutes retracing your steps, getting frustrated, and finally asking your roommate to call it.

5. Walking into a room, just to forget why or what you came in there to get. It’ll drive you nuts until you remember. 3 hours later….

6. Walking into work with your clothes on backwards…Or inside out. It’s sad to say but it happens to you at least once a month .

7. Being in a whole ass conversation with someone, and not knowing what they said… So you just smile and nod, because everything they said went through one ear and out the other.

8. You have 47 open tabs on your browser. Because let’s be honest, you started looking up how to change your air filter, and 2 hours later, you’re taking a quiz to find out what kind of tree you are.

9. You get asked if you’re mad at so and so because you haven’t opened their snapchat/text/FB message. You’re not mad at anyone! You just get distracted and sometimes it takes 14 business days to respond back. Opps.

10. ‘To Do’ lists are scattered around everywhere. And most of them are only halfway crossed off because either you got bored, or started multitasking. You’ll eventually loop back around and finish the task. Maybe.

11. Making unnecessary trips. You did your mental checklist, you swear. Phone. Check. Keys. Check. ID…Nope.

12. Being on time is a struggle. You have the best intentions, but something always happens and slows you down. Like when you have to turn around to get your ID. Or whatever else you forgot. And now you’re 45 mins late to work. Opps again.

13. You started your laundry, (or some other small task) but then got sidetracked. Now you’re tired and don’t feel like folding and putting it away, so you just cuddle with the pile.

14. You hate the word “Ditsy”. Like you get it, you’re a little slow at times, you can’t help your mind is already going 1000 miles a minute. That doesn’t make you stupid, thank you very much.

15. Remembering something you forgot weeks ago at the most inconvenient times. Like when you wake from a dead sleep, because you remembered you didn’t give table 121 their extra ranch they asked for.

16. Staying on task can be difficult. Because you are also trying to do another million other things, and you totally forgot about finishing a project for your boss. Opps…..

17. Opps is DEFINITELY part of your vocabulary. You’re constantly apologizing for something you’ve done, said, forgot, etc.

18. You sometimes feel like a burden. You know how hard it is to keep up with you, and you feel like you exhaust others. You don’t mean to though.

19. At the end of the day, you are fucking awesome. And you’re hella hilarious. Yeah you might be entertainment value, but if you can’t even laugh at yourself, or laugh off the stupid shit you do or happens to you, then how is someone else going to begin to apperciate the quirky person that you are?

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About The Author

Kayla Leanne Goss. Just a 30 year old small town girl, trying to navigate this rollercoaster we call life, writing about relatable shit that WE ALL go through and struggle with daily.

To see more of my articles, visit my FACEBOOK PAGE

14 Things Only People With An Odd Sense of Humor Will Understand

There are just so many different types of humor out there. Yours is just a bit odd. You’re always laughing at things no one else finds hilarious. Maybe you have a dark sense of humor, or the sarcastic slightly offensive kind. Possibly the dirty sense of humor, or the dry one. Or maybe you laugh at almost anything. Either way you have an odd sense of humor but hey, no one will ever call you boring.

You’re completely inappropriate laughter. Things that everyone else considers to be serious has left you in tears laughing out loud. Which means you now have to apologize while trying to contain your overflowing laughter…

And when someone asks what was so funny, you explain, only to receive blank stares.

Or they nod their heads smiling, and you know they don’t get it.

Your sense of humor is fluid, so while everyone is busy feeling insulted, you know how to laugh at yourself.

You need to be careful who you joke around, because your jokes have a tendency to be inappropriate.

It’s the best feeling ever when you find someone that has a matching sense of humor.

You avoid people with no sense of humor like a bad stomach virus.

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This Woman Live-Tweeted How A DNA Test Tore Her Very Italian Family Apart

With the invention of DNA testing that people can get done online easily, everyone’s family secrets can get thrown out in the open. When you think you’re from one country and you end up finding out an affair, or a secret child, makes your entire family line from a different country—well, it can be dramatic. One Twitter user shared the story of how her uncle got a DNA test done and found out that her very Italian family is…not Italian.