The 13 Most Cringe-Worthy Social F*ck Ups

We all hear those stories that make us say, “Oh, Thank God that wasn’t me???. Well, here they are!

Our readers told us some of the most embarrassing, cringe-worthy shit that’s ever happened to them. Read on to feel #thankful this wasn’t you!

Busted!

“I screenshot my conversation with an ex to send my friend…I sent it to the ex.”

-Jenny, 19

Full frontal gone viral…

“A girl was more than happy to let me know that she had seen my boobs on a computer she got from a guy I once sexted. Best part was that she felt the need to post the picture and tag multiple people in it!”

-Tanya, 23

Awkward AF!

“We thought we were having sex in the woods… only to find out it was someone’s very large backyard and their kids caught us, yikes!”

-Pam, 26

You know it’s a good night when…

“On my birthday, I had a few too many drinks and blacked out for the first time. I fell out of a car and lost one of my parent’s yard lights… Still haven’t found it.”

-Rene, 21

You: 0, Mom: 1

“I accidentally texted my mom and asked her to send me a dirty pic. She sent me a picture of my room.”

-Maddy, 20

…Can’t make this shit up!

“Yes, I dated a guy in prison. He asked me to send nudes, so I did. Heard he got into some negative stuff with a gang and sold them to get out of getting his ass beat. Let’s just hope I never get famous because I have no idea where those are!”

-April, 26

Well, at least there was ‘no sharing’!

“Got a little heavy on the drinks at a party once. After about 10 rounds, our group ended up getting pretty physical with our partners, and we all ended up “doing it” in the same room. (No sharing partners though!)”

-Jess, 22

One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, FLOOR

“I had too many margaritas and tequila shots at the local Mexican restaurant.  Ended up blacking out and supposedly throwing up all in their bathroom. I also fell and hit my head on their sink counter. Almost had to go to the hospital.”

-Becca, 23

DO NOT drink and snapchat!

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6 Confessions of a Kinky Mom

Everyone likes sex but once you become a mom for the first time everything seems to be more about baby and less about you. I honestly think that’s great and all but, before I became a mom I was a sex-loving female who loved my child’s father. I loved my child’s father so much  in fact, that I’d love him- every night with my pussy. However, all that loving seemed to stop when the baby came along.

 

Everyone seemed to be in love with my child and I had to find a way back to being in love with my body and my husband again in the sexual way that I seemed to be missing. That can be a little scary sometimes as you feel like you are trying to be perfect for everyone and everything. When I started reading up on trying to put my sexy sparkle back together for my husband, I must admit I got a little kinky. 

 

I fell in love all over again with sex! It was great until my mom world and my sexy world started to collide…

 

 1. One, night I was really in the mood and invited my husband to fold laundry with me and we thought it would be a great idea to turn the dryer on and for me to get on top. It was great, it was heaven, until our toddler started knocking on the door screaming. Our sexy time had to be a quickie time.

 

2. My husband also thought it would be a great idea to buy me a vibrator. Ladies, I must have been living under a rock let me tell you. The only drawback was when my daughter wiped it out of her diaper bag (don’t ask me why it was in there) and threw it across the dinning room, in the middle of a restaurant, and it landed right on another table.

 

21 Throwback Songs That Explain Why You’re Such A Damn Pervert

Growing up, there are some songs that are so true to our youth, that at the time—we didn’t realize how perverted they were. Now, as adults looking back, we realize how dirty some of the lyrics we were singing at age 13 really are. Looking back, I have no idea how I got away listening to these jams—but, nonetheless, they are jams. And, to be honest, it may be the reason I’m a huge, giant pervert. Face it—you know you’re guilty of this, too. Just take a look at these lyircs, y’all. My Lord.

1. My Neck, My Back by Khia

2. Wait (The Whisper Song) by The Yin Yang Twins

3. My Humps by The Black Eyed Peas

4. Milkshake by Kelis

5. I’m A Slave 4 U by Britney Spears

6. Dirrty by Christina Aguilera

7. Bad Touch by Bloodhound Gang

8. Smack That by Akon

9. I’m In Love With A Stripper by T-Pain

10. Thong Song by Sisqo

11. Peaches & Cream by 112

12. Magic Stick by Lil’ Kim and 50 Cent

13. Buttons by The Pussycat Dolls

14. What’s Your Fantasy by Ludacris

15. Candy Shop by 50 Cent

16. Dip It Low by Christina Milian

17. Lollipop by Lil Wayne

18. Goodies by Ciara

19. Just A Lil’ Bit by 50 Cent

20. Hot In Herre by Nelly

21. Love Game by Lady Gaga

Pray For These 21 People Who Said Super Awkward Things While Gettin’ It On

We all say stupid things some of the time. But some of us say really stupid things at the worst possible times. Reddit user BeaverMcstever recently brought these folks out of the woodwork when they asked, “What was the stupidest thing you have said/done during sex?” The answers were awkward and strange, but mostly hilarious.

1.

What she said to me: “I want to blow your brains out!”

What she meant: “I want to blow your mind!”

j_grouchy

2.

I shouted POUND IT INTO ME right in his face, for no reason. Scared the life out of him and he flopped in seconds. It haunts me sometimes. We are still together and it’s never mentioned but I burn with shame when I think of it

showusyourmickey

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3.

She said something along the lines of “you love my pussy, don’t you” and I thought it would be funny to reply “eh, it’s alright”

phonedesk

4.

Not me, but my ex [a straight girl] once drunkenly said my youngest sisters name in the heat of it. Ended things extremely quickly. I am a guy….

FreeSkittlez

5.

Getting a bj. Accidentally farted, decided to not say anything in hopes of it not smelling like absolute sh*t…20 seconds pass, it smelled like someone sh*t on the floor…needless to say it ended right there.

God_Damn_Goobacks

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6.

I called my boyfriend “Dad” instead of “Daddy”

MajorNugget

7.

One of the first times I was having sex with my first girlfriend I got a leg cramp mid thrust and just screamed out “My Leg!”

As I nearly flung myself off the bed. That fish from Spongebob became way funnier after that.

TheSoup05

8.

My ex is going to town on top of me. We’re both having a great time we’re both close. It’s about to be one of those magical moments where everybody cums together. He looks me in my eyes and asks if I like that. My stupid f**king mouth decided to say “Oh yeah” like the goddamn Kool-Aid man and then my boyfriend started laughing so hard he went soft.

WTF, me?

Yourhandsaresosoft

9.

Asked High School on/off girlfriend to marry me while mid climax. She declined.

mini6ulrich66

10.

I used to have a friends with benefits thing with this girl named Angela. After her, I started dating a girl named Andrea. One time I called Andrea Angela. That ended pretty quick.

PhilipLiptonSchrute

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11.

I was f**king a girl once and she asked if I could feel the Mediterranean breeze in her pussy.

halfandhalfmilk

12.

I was getting a pre-sex bj from my girlfriend and she turned on the TV for background noise and I happened to see that G.I. Joe was on so I said “is that G.I. Joe?” And she choked on my dick laughing and now it’s an inside joke

waterfinch

13.

My wife was feeling really frisky one night and was telling me she wanted me.

I tried to, in my sexiest voice, to sound all turned on and blurted, “Do you want some weiner sex?”

Needless to say, no, she didnt want weiner sex.

numbers17

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14.

When I was 16 and very inexperienced, I thought I be a little adventurous with my then-bf. So I slip my hand down his shorts hoping to give him a little joy, except I didn’t understand that dicks tend to tuck against one leg instead of floating right in the middle. Cue me patting him frantically and saying with genuine concern “where is it?” Didn’t live that down the next 2 years of that relationship.

epicPants_13

15.

I was with my then girlfriend. At the moment of truth I shouted, at the top of my lungs, “I’M CUMMING INSIDE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!!”

She froze, her eyes wide …And then she burst out laughing.

We’ve been married for over 20 years.

When the children aren’t around, she’ll randomly yell, at the top of her lungs, “I’M CUMMING INSIDE YOU SO HARD RIGHT NOW!!!”

20 year inside joke.

Still funny.

chetkincaid

16.

My girl once put her hand on my dick and said “pull the lever, Kronk!” when things were starting to get hot. I started laughing so much I couldn’t keep it hard.

plfwqekgqwnrgnw75731

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17.

I brought home a girl from a bar one night. She was on top, and asked me if I liked it rough. I said something like “yeah, baby”. I had my eyes closed for a few seconds, and when I opened them she had her fist cocked back, with a big sh*t eating grin on her face.

She clocked me in face (closed fist), and then was surprised when I pushed her off. I should never have had said “yeah”.

nokittythatsmypie

18.

I was experimenting with my girlfriend, we hadn’t done anything sexual before, and midway through teaching her how to give a handjob I said “I think you’ve got the grip of it”.

That was the end of that for the night.

FeatousHobbledehoy

19.

We were going at it, and my girl let out the perfect “uhhhh” sound, and that triggered a Pavlovian response in me where I blurted out “Na-nah -Na-nah”.

We had to stop and laugh our asses off for like five minutes before continuing.

Master P, for those who don’t get the reference.

Beeftech67

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20.

Before we began, I got up to go grab a condom. The girl was like, “Just so you know, I’m on birth control. I got the implant. You can feel it right here.”

Rather than say something like, I just like to be sure or something non offensive, I looked her dead in the eyes said, “Well, I’ve had a vasectomy. I don’t wear condoms to prevent babies.”

She never called me back.

Jckruz

21.

Having two very young kids we’ve become very familiar with a lot of nursery rhymes and what not, and one time during sexy times in the midst of it I somehow blurted out “Johnny Johnny yes papa….” Thankfully my wife had a sense of humor and she went “OH YES, YES, PAPA!”

Stop_PM_me_ur_boobs

 

4 Reasons Cooking With Your Partner Is The Best Thing You Ever Do For Your Relationship

While the health dividends brought on by choosing to cook at home are both plentiful and apparent, the relationship benefits are less often discussed. That’s right, relationship benefits!

For not only does cooking produce dozens of mentally and physically therapeutic side-effects (culinary therapy is currently being used to treat everything from depression and anxiety to eating disorders, ADHD and addiction), doing it with your partner has its own set of wonderful perks. Such as the following:

1. It’s good for your sex life.

In a 2016 study, researchers found that one in five Americans “say someone who is a good cook turns them on the most – the exact same amount (19 percent) as those who are most turned on by a nice body.” I encourage you to pause and really let that statistic sink in. A huge number of people are as turned on by cooking acumen as they are by hot bodies.

Indeed, a 2014 article by the Washington Post bore the headline, “Couples Who Share Housework Have The Most And Best Sex Lives.” That’s because tensions over unfair housework division are directly correlated to the likelihood of divorce—which is initiated twice as often by women than by men.

2. It increases your emotional bond.

Couples who do stuff together, stay together. A 2010 study by Stel & Vonk joins an ever-growing body of research that shows doing an activity with your partner creates a context in which the two of you can coordinate your actions.

This sort of nonverbal mimicry “helps people feel emotionally attuned with one another, and those who experience or engage in it tend to report greater feelings of having ‘bonded’ with their partner,” according to Psychology Today.

3. It strengthens communication.

But emotional bonds are strengthened in less subtle ways, too. Cooking together means spending quality time together—time spent discussing the events of the day, the future, ambitions and dreams. Time spent truly communicating. Without communication, the relationship is doomed.

According to Dr. Terri Orbuch, who headed up the Early Years of Marriage Project, most couples who have fallen into the routines of life only think they are communicating, when in fact what they’re really talking about is what she calls “maintaining the household,” or discussing chores, to-do lists, finances, etc. On the other hand, couples who do fun and challenging activities together have more time truly getting to know one another.

Lounging on the couch, staring at Instagram while a Netflix movie plays in the background does not count.

4. It boosts your physical health and mental wellbeing.

The phrase “you are what you eat” resides in the common vernacular for good reason: it’s true! The better you treat your body, the healthier foods you eat, the happier you’ll be. A recent study published in the American Journal of Public Health discovered that for every serving of fruits and veggies consumed, participants felt happier and more satisfied with their lives. Treat your body good, look good, feel good, and your relationships will undoubtedly thrive.

If you’re looking to strengthen your relationship with your partner (or with yourself!), the kitchen is an accessible, affordable, and fun place to start. Put on a catchy playlist, pop a bottle of cabernet, and whip up that shrimp scampi dish you’ve been wanting to try for months.

Men Confess The ‘Creepiest’ Thing A Woman Has Ever Done To Them

In life, it seems as though men get a pretty bad reputation for being creeps. Often times, we never hear about women crossing the line or being a bit “over-the-top,” when we all know pretty damn well women are guilty of doing things just as much as men are.

While I’m not saying women are equally as creepy as some dudes, there are women who do some foul things from time-to-time, so lets not always be quick to blame the man. Don’t believe me? Men are sharing the creepiest thing a woman has ever done to them and the answers will make you reconsider your stance on…well…a lot of things.

Some can’t take “no” for an answer:

Years and years back I worked in a call center and was friends with this girl. Didn’t think anything of it until she propositioned me to have sex with her. While I was flattered I told her I was dating someone else and I was not going to cheat.

Forward to a few days later I go into work and get pulled into HR, turns out she’s now filed a sexual harassment claim against me. She worked in one area away from me but they decided I needed an assigned seat beside my supervisor so that we would have no interaction period. I was fine with that until her friends started sitting not far from me, usually right in front of my field of view and she’d come over and sit and talk to them antagonizing the situation. My boss saw what was going on and brought it up to HR she was pushing the situation but it was her words not mine or my boss.

Few more weeks of me being watched like a hawk go by and I go into work only to find security and my boss waiting for me. Apparently she felt that me looking in her general direction was harassment enough so she filed another claim, this time saying I’ve been sending explicit messages and emails to her. This time my boss fought for me but I got sent home, walked out in front of the entire call center surrounded by security. I remember writing an email to HR and management that night stating I had absolutely zero contact with her since the night she propositioned me and offered my computer, a lie detector, anything to prove my innocence as long as they would question her.

Well.. They apparently brought that to her and she ends up confessing that she made the whole thing up and that she did that to another employee and got them fired because they turned her down. They let her keep her job, in fact gave her a fat severance package a few months later. I got stuck in the same punished seat, being threatened that if I told any coworker what happened I’d be fired.

I left a few weeks after that, but she had ruined my reputation, in that line of work I couldn’t find a job for anything for a while. Few years down the line she spots me on a dating app and tried to hit me up. To this day I still don’t get it.

That’s not creepy that’s assault: 

My ex stabbed me with scissors, when I got home one night. She insisted that since I didn’t answer her calls that I was cheating on her. (I was not…) Scissors went 3 inches into my gut. In a daze of confusion I wrestled her to the floor in an attempt to stop her attack.

I woke up 4 days later to learn her brother, who, while I was trying to subdue her… thought I was attacking her, hit me in the head with a cast iron skillet.

Talk about an invasion of privacy:

Was seeing the girl for like 6ish weeks. We went out one night and she said she had to work late the next day but wanted to come over after. So I gave her my apartment spare key because why not and told her to let herself in.

I ended up falling asleep waiting for her. I woke up at like 12am and noticed there was like a TV light on in the living room. I just figured she was watching something and maybe grabbing a snack before she came to bed. I got up to say hi, rounded the corner, and she was on my computer sifting through my Facebook. I asked her what she was doing and it was obvious she had no idea I was awake and freaked out. Needless to say I told her to give me my key back and showed her the door.

Funny thing is if she asked I would have let her look. I had nothing to hide. I would have thought it was weird but everyone has their trust issues. But doing something like that behind my back was not cool. To this day I never leave my computer without hitting win-L to lock it.

Straight up confusing:

I was having sex with a girl for the first time and during it she stopped and said, “I don’t think I can do this, I think I’m pregnant.” We went to sleep and after that night I continued hanging out with her for a while.

She eventually got a boyfriend and he message me on Facebook saying, “if I ever see you I’m going to kick your ass, I know what you did to her! Don’t respond to this message because I don’t want her finding out I’m messaging you.” I’m still kind of confused by the whole situation.

Coming on a bit too strong:

My 21st birthday, co-worker took me out for drinks, his girlfriend came along (I used to work with her, her boyfriend got me in his company after I got laid off)

I vomitted so much in her bathroom toilet, they went to bed. I woke up several times on her living room couch with her hand up the back of my shirt, rubbing my back. She’d notice I was awake, then go back to bed. Then come back a few minutes later.

They broke up and he told me how much she wanted to f*ck me. Oh, they were both old enough to be my parents btw

Are You Dating A Woke F*ckboy?

As prevailing attitudes surrounding sex evolve, so too must we all.

Things change. Laws are enacted. Society as a whole is slowly but surely crawling towards full acceptance of the LGBTQ community, of non-cis individuals, of sexual fetishes and non-traditional forms of coupleship and love and sex.

All forms of social progress have historically been met with opposition. Jeff Sessions’ religious liberty task force is the latest iteration of this futile resistance to inevitable evolution. For this reason — this obstinate refusal to accept individual agency and social evolution — it’s difficult to do anything but laugh at Trump and Sessions and the rest of Old America. We must fight, but we must also laugh.

What’s more dangerous are those who pretend. Those who act as though they support feminism, the LGBT community, women’s rights, #MeToo, etc., not only because it’s hip to be woke, but because they stand to gain something. This manipulation of a victim’s understanding of the faux-woke as a person they can trust due to shared world visions is both calculated and nefarious.

These individuals vary in age, race, and gender, but for our purposes here today we’ll be focusing on a specific subset of the faux-woke: The Woke F*ckboy.

Not to be confused with the regular ole f*ckboy, who is as (willingly or not) transparent as the day is long, the woke f*ckboy is a manipulative wolf in sex-positive sheep’s clothing.

Whereas a regular f*ckboy openly calls sexually liberated women “sluts,” the woke f*ckboy will, at least initially, wax poetic about how important it is for women to take charge of their sexuality.

Where a regular f*ckboy refuses to go down on a woman, the woke f*ckboy will do it (unsatisfactorily), then pretend as though he doesn’t expect a standing ovation for his valiant and slobbery efforts.

The woke f*ckboy knows the proper language and behavior expected from any woke individual, and will invoke it purely for his own advantage. Are you dating a woke f*ckboy?

They make you feel bad for refusing to be as kinky as they’d like.

Kinky, much like everything else in this world, resides on a spectrum. For some, whipped cream, handcuffs, and non-missionary sex qualifies as kinky. For others, polyamory, bondage, or watching porn together is the ultimate embodiment of kink.

The woke f*ckboy will pressure you into trying something you may be uncomfortable with, then shame you for not being “more liberated” or “sexually adventurous.” Don’t fall for it. To thine own sexual self be true.

They consistently focus more on performance than on intimacy.

The central part of a woke f*ckboy’s personality rests in the ego. Their love of the self and drive towards personal gain means that sex is often a matter of appearance and image rather than emotion and connection.

This lack of true passion and vulnerability is difficult to verbalize, but it is keenly felt among those who have slept with someone they care about and during the act felt no emotional energy from the other end.

They refers to you or others with derogatory (sexual) terms.

A woke individual believes that a consensual adult can and should have sex with another consensual adult anytime they please. That the number of people an individual has sex with does not reflect on anything, constitutes nothing at all but a number.

A woke f*ckboy will pretend they are cool with the number of sexual partners the person they are dating has had, but it will be easy to see that they are lying. It’s usually difficult for the faux-woke to contain passive-aggressive (or aggressive-aggressive) commentary concerning the amount of sexual partners a woman has had, or to refrain from using terms like “slut” or “whore” when angered.

They invade your personal space in the name of “sex positivity.”

Any type of unsolicited physical interaction — especially after you’ve asked them to stop — definitely constitutes crossing a boundary. Even the most sex positive individuals have personal boundaries because it comes down to an issue of agency and respect rather than “sex positivity.”

A woke f*ckboy is unlikely to respect your personal and physical space, and will attempt to justify his infractions by making you seem unreasonable for having boundaries.

They react negatively when they aren’t given what they want.

F*ckboys by nature are not well-equipped to handle rejection or disappointment. The woke f*ckboy, which we’ve hopefully established as more manipulative and thus more insidious and rational-seeming, is also prone to react negatively to not getting what they want. They are just more wily about it.

Rather than throwing a tantrum, he may withhold love or affection or offer the cold-shoulder — all while denying to do so. He may send you on a guilt trip or cast himself as the victim of a “loveless” or “sexless” relationship.

But remember: you are allowed to think and feel and do whatever you want. Establish boundaries delineating what you are comfortable with, and don’t let some devious little turd cross them. Define what sexual liberation means for you, and don’t change that definition just because someone else has a different one. Be gentle to yourself.

Sex Fantasies From Real Women That You Won’t be Able to Handle

Maxim asked several women about their most wanted sex fantasies…and they didn’t disappoint.

Prepare yourself because this will be the hottest, dirtiest thing you read all day.

“I have this fantasy that basically recreates the airplane scene from the music video “Toxic” by Britney Spears, but the flight attendant is a guy. I’m sitting in my first class seat on the way to an exotic destination, and the sexy male flight attendant is pouring some champagne for me but “accidentally” spills some on my silk dress, all over my upper thighs. He reaches down to help me wipe the champagne off and slips his hand under my dress. We’re obviously attracted to each other like crazy so he slyly follows me to the bathroom when I get up to clean off. He gets in after me and locks the door. We have passionate, rough sex in the airplane bathroom. Nobody notices, and I never see or hear from him again after that flight.”
-Nadia, 31

“I’m usually not interested in anything but plain, normal sex, but I really want to try double penetration at least once. I’ve seen it in porn so many times and it looks really enjoyable. I don’t care who the two guys are, I just want the experience and that feeling of being completely filled up.”
-Sarah, 24

“I hate going to the doctor, but that doesn’t stop me from fantasizing about getting fucked by a doctor in an exam room. When the doctor walks in, he locks the door behind him without saying a single word. He slowly walks up to me and spins me around and bends me over the table. He pulls my panties to the side and fingers me until I’m panting and begging him for more. We have sex, then I thank the good doctor for his excellent patient care before leaving.”
-Loni, 28

“I live on the fourth floor of a building in New York City, and there’s a fire escape that I can climb out onto from my bedroom window. The fire escape overlooks 14th Street, which is a pretty busy street, and ever since I moved into that apartment two years ago I’ve wanted to have sex on the fire escape where everyone on the street can see if they look up. We’d have our clothes on because I don’t want to get arrested, but the thought of having sex over a busy street really turns me on.”
-Quinn, 27

“I’ve always wanted to have a threesome, but not just any threesome. I picture my boyfriend and I going to a bar, and spotting the most beautiful woman there. After we decide on someone, we approach her and have an evening of charming conversation. Then when the time is right I slip my hand onto her leg, then slowly ease my skirt up, revealing lace thigh-high stalkings and a garter built. Without a word, she understands, and we go back to my place for a night of insane sex.”
-Sabrina, 29

“I had a sex dream about my fiancée’s father and ever since that dream I can’t get the idea of having sex with him out of my head. I love my fiancée to death, but I can’t help but fantasize about his father now. I imagine that he’s rough and dominating and tells me to call him Daddy, and has me wear lace lingerie and fluffy high heeled slippers. But to be fair, he’s only in his mid-50’s, he’s tall and fit, and is 100% a silver fox. A perfect Daddy image.”
-Talin, 27

“A guy I dated sophomore year of college had full-length standing mirror by his bed and we would watch ourselves having sex. I thought it was the hottest thing ever, and it made me want to make a sex tape so I could watch myself having sex. It’d be shot from in front of me when I’m on my hands and knees so I can watch him when he’s hitting it from the back.”
-Magda, 22

“I’m dying to dominate a man and be the boss for once. I’d wear a latex bodysuit and black spiked Louboutins, and have a whip in one hand and a feather in the other so I could take turns tickling his balls with the feather and taking the whip to his ass. I’d cover his mouth with black duct tape and pull some The Wolf of Wall Street moves. Real freaky stuff.”
-Hannah, 24

If Your Guy Loves to Get Oral Sex but Doesn’t Give it, This Is For You

I’m just curious… when did giving a BJ stopped meaning that us girls would get a little somethin’ somethin’ in return… Like how often do you give your guy the best blowie, swallow like a damn champ, and then he just pulls his pants up and heads straight for the kitchen for a snack? Leaving you with a sore throat and a pulsing pussy. Like hiiii, your snack is right here. Well, science says if your guy loves to get oral sex, but doesn’t give it there might be a reason that goes deeper than you might realize.

Guys suddenly think that this is an OK thing to do. Mind you, if I asked my guy to go down on me, got him all hot and bothered watching me orgasm, and I just walked away after, I guarantee you he’d shit a brick. He’d pout and get mad, maybe even throw around a “seriously??”. You just can’t make this stuff up.

But it’s true, guys don’t just go down on a girl without expecting something in return. It appears that guys are less likely to even give oral in the first place, and news flash fellas: science proves it. In quite possibly the least surprising study you’ll ever read, 899 university students completed a survey on their most recent hookup and the results were… exactly what you’d think they’d be. With more than two thirds of the students saying oral sex was a part of their night, a whopping 63% of the men received a slobbery bj and only 44% of the women’s pussies were licked. Shocker…? No, not at all, we’ve all been there.

What is surprising, is how much of a ‘thing’ this actually is, and it doesn’t just stop at oral. Among all the fighting us ladies have had to do from battling the gender wage gap to making sure we “don’t dress in a way that screams I’m easy,” we’re now fighting what science calls the “orgasm gap.” In other words, how much more often men get off than women during sex, and believe me, it’s a lot.

In another painfully unsatisfying study explained by Psychology Today, they found that out of 800 heterosexual college students, there was a 52% orgasm gap. That’s 39% of women getting a big O from sex, and 91% of men. Must be nice to be in that 91%, us women are over here with our fingers crossed, hoping we come across a guy who actually can make us O. (Which is almost never)

And I don’t mean to point fingers or place blame, but if I had to, I’d blame the penises in this equation. Because men seem to have this philosophy that sex = penetration = orgasm for both parties, and they are sadly mistaken. 80% of women don’t orgasm from penetration, that means out of 100 women, 80 of them need to be stimulated else where to reach their climax. I mean, maybe men would realize that if they spent more time going down on us and see how much the slightest touch to our clit makes us go wild? Guys need a reality check and fast, because praying that our Tinder date knows how to get a girl off isn’t going to get us anywhere. Instead, here’s what we need to do:

1. Straight upaskhim to go down on you. 

Bring it up and often. If you’re sexting throw it in there, you know the saying “plant the seed and see what grows” – it just might work. And if he says no…

2. Dig in and find out why he’s not for it. Don’t stoop to a guy’s classic level of whine-like-a -two-year-old-and-storm-away, just ask him honestly what he has against oral. First of all, it’s a great judgement of character and second, you might be able to do something that would make him comfortable… like shower or something.  

3. Tell him it takes a hell of a lot more than just some thrusting to get you off… but like in a sexy way…

That means he needs to play around a little bit if he actually wants to make you O. Dirty talk him into playing with your clit while you’re on top of him. And if he doesn’t, you should 1. Not date him And 2. Take matters into your own hands. Ain’t no shame in doing your own thing while riding him.

Cheers to the fuck boys who think it’s okay to bust a nut and then call it a night– their rein is over. It’s our turn to get the big O with every sexual encounter.

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Dear Kay, I’m Dating a Guy But I Secretly Want to Have Sex With a Girl

This is an advice column and is simply just our advice, not in any way what we’re telling you you have to do. If you feel like you need advice email me at dearkay@puckermob.com

Dear Kay,

Let me start this by telling you I really do love the guy I’m dating, he’s perfect in every sense of the word. He’s sweet and thoughtful, and our sex life has always been intense and passionate.

But I can’t shake this craving to sleep with a woman. I catch myself thinking about it in the middle of the day, when my mind is absolutely blank. Sometimes I even think about it when he’s going down on me, I’ll pretend he’s a girl in my mind… not the best thing to be doing, I know. But I can’t help it, I just want to experience it for myself and know what it’s like.

The only thing is, I don’t want my boyfriend involved. I don’t want it to become a ‘threesome thing’ that he tells his friends about or makes about him. I just want it to be my thing. It’s simply me trying to explore and learn more about sex and myself, and life, I guess.

Does it count as cheating if I just do it and don’t tell him? I’m nervous he’ll look at me different if I tell him, or he’ll get jealous and think he’s not good enough. And if I do tell him, what if he gets pissed and leaves me? I’m just so torn.

Is it too much to ask to have my cake and eat it too?

–Cake Craver


Dear CC,

I am a firm believer that we only have so many years on this planet, so you gotta do what you gotta do to make yourself happy. And if that means banging another girl, then you have find yourself a girl and make it happen.

You owe it to yourself to be happy and feed the cravings you’ve subconsciously been feeling. The last thing you want is to wake up one day and be filled with regret that you never had sex with a woman.

As for telling your boyfriend, if you want to keep dating him, you’re going to have to tell him. 

The #1 rule in relationships is being honest. It has nothing to do with him, like you said you love him and you don’t want to lose him, but it’s just something you need to do for yourself. It’s like taking your dream job two states away or going back to school full time even though it would cut your hangout time in half. There are just some things in life we have to do for ourselves, and yours happens to be sleeping with a woman. So yes, you have to do it.

When it comes to gut feelings like this, you don’t just ignore them. You act on them, responsibly and logically. You have to take into account that this isn’t going to be easy for him to understand, so try to explain where you’re coming from as best you can. Think if roles were reversed and he came to you with this situation, how would you want him to come to you with this? How would you react?

If I were you, I would rip it off like a bandaid. Just sit him down one night and be blunt with him, explain how what you desire has nothing to do with him, that you love him and don’t want it to change anything, but you need to do it for yourself. Whether it counts as ‘cheating’ or not is up to his transgression. If you’re open and honest about it, I wouldn’t classify it as cheating. It’s not like you’re going behind his back and hiding it from him.

But just remember, he’s allowed to react in a negative way. He’s allowed to be upset, I mean you are throwing him one hell of an obstacle to overcome. All I can say is good fucking luck– get it.

–Kay

Do you have any advice for CC? Let her know in the comments below!

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