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23 Reasons to Bow Down to Pumpkin Season

Ah, fall. Nothing marks the first few murmurs of the pumpkin season like a pumpkin on someone’s porch, desk, or dinner table. The pumpkin, though most of the time it just seems to sit comfortably, minding its own business, really does a lot for us. For this I believe we owe it thanks.

  1.  Pumpkin spice lattesLiquefied deliciousness.
  2.  They’re so damn cheery. You brighten my day. Flowers be damned.
  3.  They come in so many different sizes. Pumpkin on the stoop, pumpkin on my desk, pumpkin in my bathroom, pumpkin on my keychain.
  4.  The seedsThey’re chock full of magnesium! You need magnesium.
  5.  They take on a starring role in CinderellaWithout it, she would have never gotten to the ball.
  6.  It’s the world’s most favorite pet name. What’s wrong, Pumpkin? Now now, Pumpkin. Aww, Pumpkin, you shouldn’t have!
  7.  Pumpkins are versatile. Pumpkin ravioli, pumpkin soup, pumpkin pie, pumpkin beer…pumpkin beeeer.
  8.  Activities revolve around the pumpkin. Pumpkin picking, pumpkin carving, pumpkin painting, pumpkin smashing…Smashing Pumpkins.
  9.  They’re the subject of so many great Children’s books. Too Many Pumpkins, Pumpkin Soup, The Runaway Pumpkin…
  10.  When someone dresses as a pumpkin for Halloween, it’s so darn cute. No matter what age they are.
  11.  They stay fresh forever. We can keep that thing for two months if we want to.
  12.  They can be dressed up or dressed down. Ever put a bowtie on a pumpkin? How about overalls? It’s easier than dressing a dog.
  13.  They’re the perfect gift. Who can say No to a pumpkin? Fascists, that’s who.
  14.  Pumpkins know how to listen. You can talk to one all day. They don’t change the subject or try to fix anything. But they can also keep a secret better than anybody.
  15.  And they provide more American jobs. They’re native to North America – Finally, something that doesn’t have to be imported.
  16.  They can protect you. Thousands of years ago, Jack-o-lanterns were used to ward against bad spirits. If it was good enough for people then, it’s good enough for people now.
  17.  They make us feel skinny. The largest pumpkin weighed over 2,000 pounds. That really puts the pizza splurge this weekend into perspective.
  18.  They’re quite the conversation starter. How about them pumpkins? Why, they’re very orange this year, aren’t they?
  19.  You can roll them. No need to throw out your back – just roll that sucker down the hill and into the back of the pickup.
  20.  They always photograph well. Give me sexy, give me sexy… pumpkin season is sexy. 
  21.  They’re low maintenance. No watering, no pruning. Just give them a surface and they’re good.
  22.  They have inspired extreme sports. Some compete in Pumpkin Chunkin, a sport in which teams build catapults that are designed to chuck a pumpkin the farthest.
  23.  The Pumpkin has saved countless lives. Pumpkins helped the Native Americans and early settlers survive long, cold winters when nothing else was available.

If you’ve read all of this irrefutable evidence of the pumpkin’s amazingness and you still don’t like pumpkins, well…I guess haters just gonna hate. Enjoy pumpkin season.