Christmas is that time of year when we see the people we love the most. We’re thrilled and elated to be reunited with them for that brief tenure over holiday break. I’m not talking about anybody’s weird aunt or moody in-laws. I am referring to those beloved characters we invite into our homes every year to celebrate the holidays with us. Who, you may ask would be on this guest list? Well, it’s funny you should ask…because all of them are fictional characters.
1. Clark Griswold Does anyone not think of their dear ole Uncle Clark as they wrestle in the front yard with the Christmas lights and froth themselves into a stupor over a dead power strip? Have you ever said, “I dedicate this to the Griswold Family Christmas?” Poor Sparky. Christmas just wouldn’t be Christmas without Clark.
“Is your house on fire, Clark?”
“No Aunt Bethany, those are the Christmas lights.”
2. Ralphie Ralphie transcends Christmas-time. I use the line, “I triple dog dare you” at least twice a week all through the year. Ralphie embodies for all of us those years of Christmas when we were filled with wonder and belief and those four weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas were the longest days of the year. In fact how many of you have a rendition of The Leg Lamp, A.K.A. as “the soft glow of electric sex gleaming in the window.” I laugh every time I see it on the set of PTI.
3. Old Man Parker You probably don’t recognize his name from the cast, but if I said “Ralphie’s father” you would probably answer me with, “Not a finger!!” or “Sons of bitch Bumpuses!!” or the Queen Mother of them all, “Fra-GEEL-eh. It must be Italian.” Nothing says True Christmas Spirit like the line, “My father worked in profanity the way other artists might work in oils or clay. It was his true medium. A master.” Well, except for maybe, “Shut up, Ralphie!” That screams of Christmas love and happiness as well.
4. Herbie Whether you’re a small child or a college kid playing some kind of a drinking game, “I wanna be a dentist!” means something to you. Go back and re-watch Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer and be horrified that we were ever exposed to such politically incorrect media. See. We turned out all right.
5. Jessica. As in, Jessica Claus Who knew Mrs. Claus was such a hottie in her hey day? She was The Original muse for Van Halen’s “I’m Hot For Teacher.” When Kris Kringle gives her that china doll…swoon. “Oh well, I never had a china doll before.” That was as romantic as it could get when you were ten in your jammies watching “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.”
6. Buddy The Elf I’ll admit to answering the phone, “Buddy the Elf. What’s your favorite color?” How can you not make room in your heart for this oversized child like elf? I still laugh my head off every time he eats those cotton balls. It’s even better watching this movie knowing that Sonny Corleone plays his father, Walter. James Caan. You’re killin’ me it’s so awesome. When he listens to Santa tell him NOT to eat the gum on the street and then he eats it anyway…classic. Who among us hasn’t at least once put syrup on something and said, “You like sugar, huh? Is syrup sugar? Then YES!” Buddy is so popular that his Halloween costume sells out all the time. True story. When I teach a new vocabulary word to my students, I love to tell them, “That’s fun to say!!”
7. Cindy Lou Who Her part is almost as tiny as she is, but she totally steals the show away from the Grinch. I’m not just saying this because she’s my namesake. However, I will admit to silencing an entire room just so I can clearly hear, “Santy Claus. Why? Why are you stealing our Christmas Tree? Why?”
8. Snoopy Snoopy is America’s pet dog. If you re-watch “A Charlie Brown Christmas,” you’ll see the genius of the late great Charles Schultz in the antics of Snoopy. Without a single speaking line, (unless you consider those “Mmmwah!” noises he makes,) he manages to be the star of the show every time. Whether he’s carrying his bowl in his mouth, making his own Christmas decorations or sleeping on his doghouse, Snoopy wins Best of Show.
9. Scott Calvin You may know him as Santa Claus, but this was his given name before he became entangled in The Santa Clause. His wide-eyed wonderment, along with his entourage of elves and his son, Charlie, make all of us want to believe.
10. Susan from Miracle on 34th Street You see it once and you know that this The Classic American Christmas Film. We can’t help but like Susan (Mara Wilson) despite her skepticism. Her giggly relationship with Bryan, (played by Dylan McDermott) coupled by her sassy one with her mother, Dorey, (played by Elizabeth Perkins) makes the wonder of Santa Claus come alive every single time.