For those of us who have a dad that is alive but was never really there for use Father’s Day is not an exciting time of year. I actually get a lot of anxiety about this day. It is not my intention to hurt anyone else feelings but the truth is, Father’s Day brings up a lot of painful memories.
As I stand here in Target in the middle of the card isle looking through the cards, I am looking for a very simple Happy Father’s Day. However, as I read through them I start to feel a little sad. One card says, thank you dad for always being there. In my mind I am thinking about all the times that you weren’t there. All the times when I was little and really did not even know who you where.
I am transfixed right there. I see the nights that you were drinking and decided going to a buddy’s house was more important then spending time with me.
Or when you where drinking and you where fighting with everyone in the house. It was so loud that most nights It was hard to go to sleep. Then there were the nights that you would call the house that I was staying at until three or four in the morning because you where drinking. In these moments it was very apparent that your feelings about how life was going meant much more than what was best for me.