For him not to scream at me and belittle me to the point where I felt worthless whenever I did something he did not approve of. The truth I think he never quite figured out was that a girl doesn’t need her fathers money she needs her fathers love.
For me I had to let go of the dream and hope that he would change.
I’m not saying he didn’t love me. I’m saying the way he loved me was not good enough for me and as my father I feel he should have stepped up to the plate and given me the love I begged for the love I deserved. Many times I met him half way for him to not show up.
How many times can you tell someone what you need before you have to demand they either give it to you or you walk? It doesn’t mean at the end of the day I do not love my Father and do not wish the best for him. But that love doesn’t stop his actions and words from being toxic to my health.
As a girl with depression who has struggled in her life to want to live, I have felt at times that if I was standing at the edge of that cliff my father would be the one to push my over it. It took me a really long time to realize I needed to protect myself. That I was worth saving and that sometimes saving yourself means saying goodbye…
