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27 Ways Your Purse Proves You’re a Hot Mess

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Purses and bags are more than just an accessory – they’re a necessity, a way of life. Especially if you’re a mom.

You feel naked when you leave the house without one, despite the fact that you never keep it as clean and organized as you should…

  1. Clutter is an understatement.
  2. You call your bag the “Mary Poppins Bag.” Or the litter box. It’s just that full of shit.
  3. Those crumpled up receipts take up way too much real estate…
  4. …But despite that, you never really get around to throwing them away, either.
  5. Every time you think you lose something you end up finding it at the bottom of your bag…
  6. …Well, you didn’t really find it – you sort of just felt your way to it through all the other junk.
  7. You don’t actually know how many times you’ve said, “Oh I just found it at the bottom of my bag!”
  8. Your response when you can’t find something is: “Oh, I didn’t lose it, I just don’t know where it is.”
  9. Also, how did that gum get over there?
  10. Whatever, too late to get it out now – it’s probably solidified its way into the fabric of your bag’s being.
  11. Your bag is like your pet…
  12. Down, baggy.
  13. You know that whatever you manage to pull out of it is a total lottery…
  14. …You’re ready for surprises.
  15. Toys, diapers, binkies…oh my!
  16. Whenever you’re at the cashier, you stand there with your arm jerking around in your purse, trying to find your wallet for like ten minutes…
  17. …You’ve had to train yourself to do that while you’re in line now, so that you’re prepared for the big moment.
  18. There are days your bag cooperates and days it just has a mind of its own…
  19. …After all, didn’t you hear? Bad bag days are the new bad hair days.
  20. Your purse is like a sea of tampons. There’s nothing quite like finding a random one when you need it the most.
  21. If a friend offers to get something out of your purse for you, you warn him or her – they don’t know the monster they’re dealing with.
  22. Your bag’s at least three times heavier than it should be with all the coins that are swimming in it…
  23. …They even jingle when you walk around. People think you’re a walking Christmas carol.
  24. Your bag has a wider selection of goods than your local pharmacy…
  25. …At least three different brands of lipstick, a colorful assortment of mints and gum, Advil and Ibuprofen, not to mention a plethora of tissues. Duane who? CVS what?
  26. No matter what your bag puts you through sometimes, you’ll always guard it with your life…
  27. This means crazily darting your eyes around in social situations, just in case you encounter a pickpocket. Hands off. 

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