It’s their voice, their laugh, their obnoxious habits.
It’s simply the fact that they exist and are in the same general area as you that drives you absolutely out of your mind. Like, would it be too much to ask them to stop breathing? Yeah, okay, probably. But there is nothing worse than an annoying, brain numbing coworker. Nothing.
You know the type. The person you have to tiptoe around and act like they don’t fit every single one of your pet peeves to a T. And the person who gets offended by every joke you make. The person you side-eye constantly because you know if you said what you were really thinking you’d get escorted to HR.
So instead of screaming in their faces, you tolerate their bullshit like the classy hoe you are. Even though this is what you’re really thinking….
1. No one gives a flying fuck about your ex-fiance, so please, stop trying to get us to ask about him.
2. Did no one ever teach you what an ‘inside voice’ is? Ohhh, were you raised in a barn?
3. Congratulations on needing an “entire liquor store for attending a family function.” Most people do. It’s called adulthood.
4. So glad you voted for Trump, I can tell you two have a lot in common.
5. No on here cares that you’re really, REALLY craving tacos right now.
6. Aw, your cat crawled into bed with you this morning? No one asked.
7. That failed relationship that you got over, like, forever ago? Maybe you shouldn’t bring it up anymore, you know, since you’re “over it.”
8. That voice thing you do to try to be funny? Stop. Just stop. It’s not funny and it makes my brain feel like its melting out of my ears. Please, chill the f out.
9. Literally no one wants to go to a happy hour with you, give it up already.
10. I’m screaming in my head right now.