The thought of having to get up and walk across a room full of people to the bathroom makes me want to throw up. My social anxiety makes me hate the feeling of having other people’s eyes on me. They’re all hanging out at the bar, laughing, watching sports and making jokes, probably thinking “what is she doing here?” I feel that other women look at me with pity like they feel bad for me or something. And men? Well, luckily, to men I’m basically invisible… unless they’re looking at me with that ‘yikes’ look.
That’s only an inkling of what it’s like to live with social anxiety. It’s being terribly uncomfortable in a crowd of people, of wishing and praying I could find an excuse to go home and curl up in bed. I don’t even remotely feel like myself in social situations. I lost track of what I’m saying, where my mind is, what my voice sounds like… It’s hard to explain if you’ve never experienced it. But I hope on some level you understand.