Halloween is second only to Christmas in the amount of money we spend dressing up, decorating, throwing parties, and of course—buying all that candy.
Everybody wants to play dress up, which is why cosplay for grown-ups is more popular than ever.But you know, there are some Halloween costumes that are best avoided—not because we long to curtail your freedom of expression, but because you might not want to unwittingly hurt, offend, horrify, disgust, or damage the people and things around you.
Think long and hard before attempting any of the following costume types:
- Races other than your own. Any Halloween costume that requires you to change the color of your skin is probably not a good idea. This means no blackface, brownface, whiteface, or any other colored face designed to make you look like another race. Why? Because what may have started as genuine reverence will surely turn to mockery—especially after the drinking starts.
- Ambiguous costumes. I’m sure you thought you were very clever wearing all pink and balancing that chair on your head. But everyone has to ask what it is. When they provide a weak chuckle at finding out you’re a used piece of bubblegum, you’ll wish you had cut some holes in a sheet and gone as a scary ghost. At least people know what the hell that is.
- Recently deceased celebrities or public figures. This trend is already pretty tasteless, but combining that with a zombie, or worse, a representation of their death? Zombie Joan Rivers? No. Robin Williams character with a belt around his neck (sorry kids, but I’ve already seen this online)? Just don’t do it. That’s not the kind of monster you want to be.
- Bad things from real life. Yes, some people find bad guys fascinating. I know I do. That’s no reason to attend a Halloween costume party dressed like members of ISIL, or Kony, or The World Trade Center, or a missing airplane.
- Mostly makeup. There’s a wide spectrum of Halloween makeup that ranges from a little edible blood and plastic vampire fangs, to latex prosthesis with rubber mask greasepaint and dangling silicone eyeballs. Think about the events or activities you’ll be getting up to before choosing your makeup plan. Going to a party at someone’s home? Avoid full body makeup that will ruin furniture or stain anything you brush up against. Dancing or drinking? Waterproof is best.
- “Sexy” versions of standard tropes. We’ve all seen the store-bought Halloween costumes that are basically short tube dresses meant to be paired with fishnet stockings, and optional hats or gloves. Sexy nurse, sexy cop, sexy librarian, sexy Freddy Krueger, and the ever-popular sexy French maid. Ugh. Not only are these costumes lazy and uninspired, but they say nothing about the wearer. They’re also not that sexy, just revealing—probably too revealing for October.
- Costumes with weapons. It may seem like an ode to authenticity to carry real nunchuks with your ninja blacks, or a genuine samurai sword with your…whatever a samurai wears. But it’s a bad idea to have real weapons around rambunctious children, and a worse idea to have them around crowds of intoxicated adults. At least kids won’t be trying to reenact that scene from Shogun.
- Gross stuff. At every party, there’s some self-deprecating jokester who shows up dressed as a toilet, a tube of KY Jelly, a condom, or a used maxi-pad. Halloween doesn’t have to mean leaving your dignity at home. Ditto overtly adult fare like hardcore bondage gear or any clothing that is worn by multiple people at once. Common sense and a minimum of decorum don’t have to be a barrier to the perfect Halloween costume. Honest.