Oh my darling breakfast sandwich, you don’t know what you do to me.
Before I met you, I could only lay in my bed with a pounding headache and an uneasy stomach. I knew there was something missing in my life. There was an emptiness that needed to be filled. And then there was you.
Thinking of you was the only motivation I had to roll myself out of bed and search through the cluttered corners of my room for crumpled dollar bills and dimes. How could it be that the answer to my prayers is less than $3 and wrapped in tin foil? Thank you, dear breakfast sandwich.
As I wait to order, equally impatient and unable to really care about anything at all, I think about your complex and enticing flavors. The way the salty meat compliments the salty eggs and pairs oh so nicely with a bunch of carbs, covered in gooey cheese. Then the person behind the counter asks what I want. I clear my throat that feels like the Sahara desert and I say, “Bacon, egg, and cheese on an everything bagel.” Soon, you’ll be mine.
I listen to the sizzle on the grill and my stomach begins to settle in anticipation. As I make my way home, I can’t wait to collapse onto the bed and open up Netflix so I can truly appreciate this experience. Should I watch another episode of Friends? There’s no way I’m watching anything without a laugh track.
I grab a bottle of ketchup from the fridge before locking myself in my room. I sigh with relief as I take off the wrapper and see that they got my order right. Oh and that first bite. I can feel you restoring my life force. I shut my eyes and forget about the rest of the world as I digest. I want to laugh and cry and go back to sleep all at the same time. Before I know it, it’s my last bite. You came into my life and rescued me from the dark hungover abyss. I blink, and you’re gone.
That last shot of fireball really killed me. My text history is filled with evidence of my bad choices. The sun only makes my headache worse. There isn’t enough water in the world to quench my thirst. But you, dear breakfast sandwich, you were too kind to me.
Until we meet again, thank you breakfast sandwich. I’m not completely fixed, but I’m on my way.
