Springfield, [no state given] is full of wildly diverse characters who get up to all manner of insane shenanigans.
Figuring which ones belong in your crew can be tricky, depending on exactly what you’re looking for in a BFF. That’s why I’ve separated this list of Simpsons Character BFFs into sections: Partiers, Nerds, True Blue Friends, and Apocalyptic Comrades—you know, for when the zombies come.
The Partiers:
Otto Mann. His name’s Otto, and he loves to get blotto. The local school-bus driver, pot smoker, and wife abandoner would probably be a good BFF if you’re looking to borrow his stash or talk about heavy metal for hours on end.
Shauna Tifton. To her friends, she’s Princess Kashmir of the mysterious East. Ms Tipton is a great dancer, loves to party, and hates rude people. All good traits for a BFF. Barney Gumble. Homer Simpson’s oldest friend and most enthusiastic drinking buddy could have been a famous singer, a college graduate, or an astronaut. Instead, he runs his Uncle’s bowling alley (bequeathed to him in the will) and drinks at Moe’s. That’s dedication to the drink!
Edna Krabappel. Even though this Simpsons character was retired after the death of actress Marcia Wallace, we’d be remiss if we didn’t acknowledge that Edna partied with Aerosmith, rocked out at Green Day, and would have been Teacher of the Year if Bart and Skinner hadn’t foiled it with their collective buffoonery. Edna would have been a fun friend if you don’t mind listening to her endless boyfriend troubles—until she married Ned Flanders
Disco Stu. What can we say about this guy? Disco Stu likes disco music. He also thinks Marge Simpson is super hot, but Stu parties too hardy to get involved with a lady with kids. Real name: Stuart Discotheque, he’s a hard livin’, hard dancin’ guy. Prone to depression, which is a drag, and mania—which is hella fun. Disco Stu is bound to show you a fun time.
Honorable Mention: Duffman. Duffman will never die—only the actors who play him. Just try to refrain from partying when Duffman is around. It’s simply not possible.
The Nerds:
John Frink. Springfield’s well-known inventor has devised future-telling machines, sarcasm detectors, and hamburger earmuffs. Who knows what sort of contrabulous fabtraptions you might encourage Frink to invent after you become his BFF. He might even build you a robot friend, glavin?
Lisa Simpson. Lisa is competitive, but also kind, smart, and longing for a good friend. Sure, she’ll probably blab your ear off about jazz, fractals, Buddhism, liberal politics, and vegetarianism. But she’ll also be able to discuss literature, art, and a zillion other topics with a maturity beyond her years. She also has some cool Malibu Stacey stuff, which would be fun.
Jeff Albertson. Commonly known as “Comic Book Guy,” this character is perfect for BFFs looking to have long boring conversations about comics, animation, board games, and vintage versions of all these things. He’d also make a great date to Comic-Con.
Allison Taylor. Sure, she’s Lisa’s rival, but she could be your BFF. Allison enjoys dioramas, anagram games, the work of Edgar Allan Poe, and playing the saxophone. She also comes from a super smart family who just might talk down to you like you’re an utter moron. If you can handle that, Allison would be a great Simpsons Character BFF.
Martin Prince. Probably the nerdiest nerd in all of Springfield, Martin will remind you that you have homework, and gleefully accompany you to the National Grammar Rodeo. This kid loves Sci-Fi, stock trading, Radioactive Man comics, and playing the lute. A fascinating nerd, Martin is sure to be an excellent BFF to any fellow nerdlinger.
True Blue Friends:
Ruth Powers. Single mom, body-builder, car thief, and party animal—Ruth Powers is honest, straightforward, and always in your corner. You know you can trust Ruth Powers to the bitter end.
Melvin Van Horne. AKA Sideshow Mel or Mel Sideshow, Van Horne is fiercely loyal to his boss and mentor: Krusty the Clown. Krusty does not remotely deserve the loyalty of a guy like Mel. Sideshow Mel is learned, deeply in love with his fiancée Barbara, and can’t actually get that bone out of his hair. Still, Mel’s loyalty def earns him a place on our list of Simpsons Character BFFs.
Millhouse Van Houten. Sure, he’s kind of a nerd and his middle name is Mussolini. But Millhouse is a loyal friend and a fun companion. His boundless love for his best friend’s sister is adorable, and he comes from the only family in town where everyone has eyebrows. When playing videogames, he’s known as Thrillho. When signing casts, as Milpool. Why wouldn’t you want to be Millhouse’s friend?
Marge Simpson. Is there anyone in Springfield more honest or steeped in goodness than Marge Bouvier Simpson? I don’t see how. She has the patience of a saint, as evidenced by the facts that she’s still married to Homer and that Bart is allowed indoors. Marge tends to put other’s needs before her own, can bake pretty much anything, and doesn’t mind being a chauffer. All great traits in a BFF if you ask me.
Ned Flanders. There’s simply not a nicer guy in the town of Springfield than that jerk, Flanders. He’ll loan you anything in the world without ever asking for it back, will read you the entire bible for the asking, and if you need your feet bathed—you could do a lot worse. Once divorced and twice widowed, Ned Flanders may drive you batty with his tamer than tame ways (his favorite popsicle flavor is plain), but he’s a true friend who will never betray you.
Apocalyptic Comrades:
Homer Simpson. Homer has already survived the risen undead, I am Legend’s chalk-faced goons, aliens, and the Flandereses. When society goes to hell, it won’t matter how inept or accident prone Homer is. You’ll be looking for a BFF who isn’t afraid to mess things up to get things done. With that in mind, Homer is your man.
Eleanor Abernathy. AKA Springfield’s Crazy Cat Lady, Ms Abernathy obviously has uncanny survival skills. All she does is run around, scream, and throw cats–and she still manages to stay alive. Impressive! She’s probably not good for much in the way of conversation, but she’ll no doubt know all the best places to hold up when society crumbles.
Kang and Kodos. Honestly, who’s gonna have more knowledge, technology, and gumption than a couple of alien siblings who think they’re stuck on the ass end of space? This pair of Rigellians has a space ship, a great chef with them, and a thirst for comedic roasts. All that surely makes them great allies in any sort of world-ending event.
Snake Jailbird. Snake’s training as an archeologist could come in handy in pretty much any situation. He’s also armed to the teeth, can hotwire any vehicle, and is a pretty good shot. Snake is unafraid to make the hard calls, can outrun the cops, and has mob connections. With all that in mind, he’s a valuable asset and a handy BFF to have.
Herman Hermann. Obviously, the owner of a military antique store is a great guy to have on your side in a zombie or alien apocalypse, or militia takeover of a town. Hermann is well-versed in military strategy, well stocked with weapons and supplies—despite being a vegetarian who gets his protein from insects. If you need someone to show you around basic firearms training or teach you hand-to-hand combat, you can’t do better than Herman Hermann.
Did I miss your favorite Simpsons Character BFF? Tell me all about it. It’s the only way I’ll learn.