It was at this stage that my identity began to be wrapped up in competition.
My entire sense of worth was determined by things such as state exam scores (I was the weird kid that looked forward to these strenuous tests so I could see how precocious I was), test scores, spelling bees, awards, certificates, trophies, the number of goals I would score, and above all else: winning. My singularity of mind to win at all costs and to maintain the discipline to do so was unnatural for my age.
Looking back, I can definitely see the early signs and symptoms of my borderline personality disorder and strong predilection for addiction coming out; I was emotionally volatile, dependent upon my academic or athletic performance and my identity was heavily influenced by someone else that I seemed to both hate and adore.
The amount of energy emotionally, mentally, and physically that I put into trying to beat Sonya Watson in the academic arena was more than unhealthy. No one really expects their elementary school child to be an addict though; that’d be a preposterous assumption, so I was labeled as ultra competitive and we all just accepted that part of me.
At this point in my life, my nemesis, Sonya Watson, had upped the ante for my deep seated (and growing) competitiveness, drive, and insatiable desire to be the best at everything.