It’s not that you’re against technology, you just like it done the classic way. Disposables over instagram, bikes over Uber, talking over messaging. You’re friends think you’re old fashioned, but you know you’re Old School Cool.
1. The bar is 3D Tinder.
OK, you may not be able to swipe left and get the creepers to fuck off and leave you with all the hotties, but you wanna meet a hook up face to face from the word do. Cos there is nothing worse than being disappointed by a fucking Tinder personality.
2. You still own a DVD collection.
Yes, you have heard of Netflix, yes, you know it’s only $7 a months and yes it’s “better” than a flippin DVD, but you’re a traditionalist dammit and part of watching a movie is seeing some trailers and a blooper reel or two, it’s really not that crazy.
3. Spotify has nothing on record shops.
Spotify takes all the fun out of finding new music. You wanna be able to flick through some LP’s, get into an argument over why The Stones are better than Zeppelin, and go have a fight in the parking lot about it. It’s barbaric doing it any other way.
4. Paper maps not google maps.
It’s not an adventure if you’re going to get to your location on time, have no arguments, and don’t have to pull over to ask directions from a local who resembles a character from The Hills Have Eyes.
5. Phones are for texting and calling…end of.
It took you long enough to get a smartphone in the first place and now everyone is accusing you of not using it right. It’s better than having to buzz your pager isn’t it?!
6. Yellow pages are your google.
There is something incredibly soothing flicking through a brand new yellow pages book and finding what you need. Nothing against google, but typing and clicking isn’t as satisfying.
7. Who needs Seamless when you’ve got takeaway menus.
You’ve been getting take out from the same four places for years now and no fancy pants website is going to change anything. Chinese Wok would be devastated if they didn’t hear your voice every friday night, and you don’t want to worry them.
8. Your hand functions as your notepad.
It’s the perfect place to stick a reminder; you see it all the time, it’s big enough to write a small list and its wipe cleanable. Your move iPhone.
9. You own a physical, real life calendar.
Every christmas Santa brings you the 12 hotties of 2016 and you’re itching to see what scantily clad piece of meat is going to grace your birth month, and you’ll never let Apple take that away from you.
10. You know you can’t put a filter on real-life.
It’s only a good picture if you capture it “as is”. It’s straight up cheating to take a washed up piece of crap and molesting it until it’s fit for public consumption, you’re only lying to yourself.
