Throughout our lives we all find ourselves faced with big changes and challenges. Though nothing seems quite so big as pulling up sticks and moving to the big city. You may find yourself coming up with some pretty solid excuses when things don’t exactly go as you thought or hoped they would:
1. Maybe that hobo is just fiddling with his keys in his pocket.
Wait…why would a hobo have keys…he’s probably just itching his leg through that hole in his jeans…yeah, thats it.
2. If anything the rent is less than you anticipated.
I mean, you got a great deal. You’re only sharing with six other people, and your only 14 blocks from the subway, and you get to sleep in the bathtub, which is a lot bigger than most of the beds.
3. You don’t need to figure out the intimidatingly complicated transport system, you can just walk everywhere.
Really, how big is New York anyway? It’s like 3 miles across, max.
4. That brick wall view you have from your window is actually pretty rustic.
You sometimes stick your head out and pretend you’re singing with your neighbour, like Joey on Friends. Only there isn’t a neighbour, and you’ve yet to see anyone legitimately that happy. But hey, at least you have your own window. Even if it does look out onto a brick wall.
5. A shower over your toilet is saving you so much time.
It turns out you were wasting so many precious minutes all these years. Shower toilets are the future and the future is now.
6. Let’s imagine the mice and cockroaches are friendly Disney animals.
It’s so much cuter when you imagine them singing you a merry tune in the morning, rather than nibbling at last night’s Seamless order and shitting in your cabinets.
7. Dollar pizza slices are far more nutritional than anyone gives them credit for.
It has cheese, which is chock full of calcium, there’s tomato, so there’s your serving of fruit, and well, some carbs are necessary, and that’s the base. It’s basically like eating a salad.
8. Who really needs open spaces, and grass, and trees, and birds, and living things when you have concrete, soot and cigarette butts.
Nature is overrated. It’s full of bugs and dirt, whereas the city is full of…well bugs and dirt…and rats.
9. Getting awoken by the playful howling of sirens is basically like waking up to bird song.
…and that isn’t because you’ve now totally forgotten what the fuck a bird even sounds like. Pigeons don’t count.
10. Being held up at some point is just part of the experience.
This is just like it was on Girls…or The Wire.
11. Manners were never that important…
…you say to yourself after being pushed over on the subway and briefly stepped on without so much as an “excuse me.”
12. It’s all worth it, it’s all completely worth it.
But seriously. It is.
