You’ve probably seen us; those people stuck in the library at 4AM the day before a big paper is due surrounded by cheesy bread boxes and Red Bull.
And you’ve probably heard things, too.
1. We are the laziest people you will ever meet in your life.
We’re not avoiding this paper because we’re too lazy to do it; we’re avoiding it because there are better things we could be doing. Like Netflix. And dinner.
2. We avoid things as an act of rebellion.
It’s not rebellion. We’d just rather go on an awful Tinder date than, well, do that.
3. Procrastinating negatively effects all aspects of our lives.
Mastering the Art of Procrastination means mastering the art of never being late.
We will never keep you waiting. It’s how we’re programmed.
4. We give up on things very quickly.
Procrastinators generally know their limits. A procrastinator will not engage in something we know we can’t do and we will admit when we can’t accomplish a task.
(Mostly because we don’t want the responsibility of fucking up.)
5. Our procrastinating means that we never accomplish anything worthwhile.
Have you ever watched a procrastinator in action?
We will clean every toilet in the house before we even consider doing that project.
6. Procrastinating is a compulsion.
Maybe there’s some truth in this, but, at the end of the day, we will get that shit done.
We will get it done on time, too.
7. Procrastination leads to the development of anxiety and depression.
Most procrastinators are literally the chillest little shits you will ever meet. We are an exceptional breed.
8. We go into projects with the intent of procrastinating.
Our intentions are pure and our logic is sound, but our execution is… Debatable.
9. People assume that procrastination leads to poor health and hygiene habits.
Yes, we will procrastinate taking a shower.
No, we will not turn into habitual cavemen.
10. We are less intelligent and less capable at our jobs.
Procrastinators are actually considered to be extremely creative and are generally more productive (despite the fact that we avoid the one thing that needs doing.)
11. Approaching deadlines freak us the fuck out.
In actuality, deadlines fill us with the (probably inappropriate) need to see how close we can get to it without actually handing in anything late.
12. We are unreliable and careless.
People that procrastinate tend to do super well under pressure
13. Additionally, all work that we produce is half-assed.
A lot of procrastinators are actually self-professed perfectionists.
This procrastinator will not hand you shit on a platter.
It’s just not how we’re programmed.
