14 Things Only Brandeis University Students and Alum Will Understand

It’s a small school with a big personality. Few people have ever been indifferent towards this unique university – current students and alumni alike typically either love it for being a scholastic powerhouse that provides a solid education, or hate it for having almost no measurable social life.

But everyone can agree there are certan aspects about the school that only fellow Brandesians can appreciate:

  1. Sometimes, long staircases in castles lead to brick walls. They just do.
  2. We quickly get used to the confused look on our high school friend’s faces when we tell them the name of our dorm is Hassenfeld, or Pomerantz or something that sounds equally ridiculous. 
  3. It’s nice being 5’7″ and among the tallest kids on campus.
  4. You don’t think about school as an opportunity to meet new people as much as it’s a chance to catch up with kids you haven’t seen since sleep away camp.
  5. It’s a Jewish school – did you really expect there to be anything going on on a Friday night?
  6. Wow! From an aerial view, that building looks an awful lot like a top hat. I’m not sure why that’s interesting, but I’m told I’m supposed to feel that way…
  7. Finding it annoying when you tell someone you went to Brandeis, and they’ve never heard of it…
  8. Or they have heard of it, and say, “I know someone who went to Brandeis – did you know Josh Cohen, small Jewish kid?” Yes, everyone was Josh Cohen, small Jewish kid…
  9. We have the best underground fraternities ever – they sit together at lunch, and…and…well, having lunch together is nice.
  10. Everybody takes “Violence in American Culture.” Nobody actually goes to “Violence in American Culture.” Somehow, everybody gets an A in “Violence in American Culture.”
  11. “Of course, Brandeis could have been an ivy league school…they were invited, but declined because [fill in some arbitrary reason that sounds plausible enough you can convince yourself that it’s true].”
  12. Being Jewish isn’t actually what everyone has in common; enrolling at Brandeis because you couldn’t get into your first dozen choices of colleges – that’s what everyone has in common.
  13. Let me guess – you’re from Long Island?
  14. “I don’t understand why I didn’t ace that test – I spent three nights in a row studying in the green room…”

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Jay Miletsky

Jay Miletsky is the founder and CEO of Sequel Media International, LLC, publishers of PuckerMob.com  Twitter handle: Facebook URL:

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