I bet you never thought you’d have a reason to go to Flandreau, South Dakota. That is, until you heard about the new Marijuana Resort that’s set to open there on New Year’s Eve of this year, courtesy of South Dakota’s Santee Sioux tribe.
They’re currently cultivating some 30 strains of weed that they plan to sell for $12.50 to $15 a gram, only one gram at a time. They also plan on having a smoking lounge with a nightclub, arcade games, bars, a restaurant and a casino down the line.
“We want it to be an adult playground,” tribal President Anthony Reider has said. It definitely will be an adult playground – just not the one the Santee Sioux will expect.
- The sitting around and smoking at the nightclub will probably work out….
- …But the dancing will be a hot mess.
- There’ll be two types of people on the floor.
- The people who are tip toeing around, super paranoid, and the people who are basically humping each other.
- Come to think of it, maybe the dance floor won’t be all that different from regular ones.
- Now let’s move on to the Casino.
- I can’t even fathom what a pot-smoking crowd will look like in a casino.
- Oh wait, maybe I can…
- …I imagine a bunch of people standing around a craps table.
- One guy’s about to throw the die, but then he stops to examine them.
- “Dude, dude,” he nudges his friend. “Dice are like so….complex, you know? They’re just like, a miracle. I have never appreciated dice so much.”
- His friend doesn’t respond – he’s too busy playing with the girl’s hair next to him.
- The other people around the table don’t even notice he hasn’t thrown the die yet – they’re too busy thinking about nachos.
- The people at the slot machines aren’t putting in money, they’re just sitting in front of the machines watching all of the pretty colors whizz by.
- Every once in awhile they make a speech about the statistics of winning and how we’re really all sheep for gambling in the first place.
- At the blackjack table, no one will even be remotely aware of the concept of adding single digits. No one wins.
- The restaurant and the arcade games will be wildly popular, but since the casino and the lounge might not work out so well, the lines will be ridiculously long.
- No one will remember to stop ordering food and leave the restaurant…
- …And everyone who was waiting for a table will go to the Arcade and fall asleep in the virtual reality game.
This is a good idea, to be sure. It’s clear, though, that the Santee Sioux tribe didn’t smoke pot in college. If they did, they’d know that the traditional alcohol-fueled entertainment just isn’t going to pan out.
I’m not a gambler, but if I were, I’d bet my money that most people will buy their pot, hit up the local 711, and go back to their rooms to watch TV, have lengthy conversations, and get lucky.
