21 Conversations You Will Only Have at a Festival

Festival season is upon us and soon enough we’ll be loading up the car, picking out our most outrageous outfits and pondering how much booze is too much booze. Festivals are an alternate paradise where day drinking is mandatory, face paints are encouraged and napping in a sweaty cuddle puddle is the only way to catch some much-needed Z’s. If you’ve been to a festival recently, chances are you’ve had at least one of these conversations:

  1. Is 11am too early for shots? What if you haven’t been to sleep yet.
  2. If I drink the rest of this bagged wine I can use it as a pillow.
  3. We can absolutely fit eight people in a two-person tent, come on in!
  4. I want my face to look like a sparkly dragon.
  5. Who brings a surfboard to a festival?
  6. I’m just going to use this pile of clothing as my sleeping bag.
  7. If I budget properly I should be able to buy at least one meal this weekend.
  8. I’m camped right next to that tent, that’s next to the orange thing, to the left of that path way…I think, wait….shit.
  9. Apparently Lorde is camping in the regular section with everyone else, she’s not even in disguise!
  10. Can I trade 3 cigarettes, this pirate hat and some glitter for a bite of your burger?
  11. Oh goddamn, are our neighbors having a German Death Metal party at breakfast? Please stop.
  12. If I start queuing for the showers now I’ll be at the front of the line by tomorrow morning.
  13. Wet wipes, a can of deodorant and a quick brush of the teeth and I’ll be clean as a whistle.
  14. Did you hear that Radiohead are playing an impromptu set on a super secret stage in the middle of the forest, that might me underground and doesn’t exist?
  15. Did you hear [Insert famous celebrity] has died.
  16. If we place the entrance of your tent next to the entrance of our tents we could make a super-mega tent!
  17. If you get to the right level of fucked up the toilets don’t seem too bad anymore.
  18. Getting festival married isn’t actually official, is it?
  19. I got the face paint from that mermaid who’s talking to the guy dressed as Spaceman-Jack-Sparrow that’s being propped up by the neon cowboy with the fairy wings.
  20. I think I just paid $18 dollars for a Vodka Redbull. I feel violated.
  21. I have 35 missed calls, 12 messages and I’m about to run out of battery. It looks like you guys are my new friends.

Published by

Tom Proctor

Tom likes to think he’s an interloping intrepid fella with a sharp wit and brimming with Britishisms. Originating from the rainy shores of Blighty he has made his way around the world, living in a host of countries across 4 different continents. Tom has written for a number of established outlets including satirical Argentinian news site “The Bubble” and “Playground BA”. Now living in the city of Brooklyn and writing for Puckermob, you can expect a lot of tongue in cheek, pinch of salt articles designed to tickle you in just the right way. Always game for a blather and a chinwag, if you’d like to know more please get in touch by emailing tom.proctor46@googlemail.com Twitter handle: @TomProctor11 Facebook URL:

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