There are some things that never change when you become an adult and if you’re like me, one of those things is eating like a 4 year old.
Eating like a kid when you’re an adult can be funny and also intensely embarrassing:
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If it didn’t look sad and ridiculous, you’d get yourself a bib.
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Because without one your clothes have a 90% chance of getting stained with food.
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Napkins are your best friend. They’re always by your side every time you eat.
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You’ve had Luchables for lunch more than once.
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Hey they do save on calories, you know.
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But it’s not like you’re counting them or anything. It’s too much work.
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While your friends snack on kale chips and fiber bars, you snack on Reeses dipping sticks.
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You avoid wearing white whenever there’s pasta involved.
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You’ve eaten with just your hands when you’re alone.
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Yes, that includes yogurt.
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And you’ve been torn between licking your fingers and wiping them with a napkin when eating chips.
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It’s usually licking your fingers. Much faster that way.
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You’re idea of dessert is a ring pop.
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And you still go crazy over Jollie ranchers.
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When your friends talk to you about new organic food trends, it’s like a foreign language.
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You wish they still made ketchup in more colors than red.
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Because how fun is eating a ham sandwich with green goo on it?
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And you wonder if those air heads will ever come back in slime flavor.
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You are such a baby is something your BFF tells you a lot when you go out to eat.
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You’re embarrassed by the amount of times someone has had to wipe your mouth.
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It doesn’t matter how much etiquette you try to have.
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You’ve done it all. You’ve tried eating with your mouth closed, taking your time while you eat, etc.
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But you still end up eating like the Cookie Monster on a high.
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Because you love food like you love to breathe.
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And you’re always hungry. Always.
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