Being a lifeguard can be an easy job, but it’s not all it’s cracked up to be:
- You’ve pretended to hear thunder just so you could make everyone evacuate the pool.
- Basically anything monsoon-like is sacred weather.
- People think your job entails doing nothing.
- …Which is mostly true.
- You have been referred to as a “glorified babysitter.”
- …Also true.
- Full-piece swimsuit tan lines…
- Woof.
- You’ve definitely fallen asleep in your chair at least once.
- People think your job is great since you spend all day in the sun.
- Yeah, daily sunburns are fabulous.
- Enforcing absurd pool rules that you didn’t create somehow makes you an a**hole.
- When there’s ONE kid swimming in your section and you have to stand guard for them…
- F*CK YOU, KID.
- You’ve been asked some ridiculous questions…
- Can I dive in the shallow end?
- Will you blow up my floaties?
- Can my daughter swim if she has pinkeye?
- You thoroughly enjoy kicking people out of the pool.
- RESPECT. MY. AUTHORITY.
- You’ve found some questionable items in the locker rooms.
- The lost and found bin always smells like *ss.
- You’ve plotted the demise of several regulars.
- Lifeguard training is hella tedious.
- The lifeguarding staff becomes your second family.
- …Because you bond closely over hating your job.
- You’ve nearly lost your voice from telling people to WALK.
- You deal with the most ludicrous complaints from patrons…
- “That lifeguard said I can’t do a triple handspring off the diving board!”
- ………K.
- When you finally have to spring into action…
- You feel like David Hasselhoff in Baywatch, circa 1989.
- And the patrons see you as an aquatic superhero.
- But hey, it’s all in a day’s work.
