in

8 Stupid Moves That Get You Questioning Your Own Intelligence

Enjoy And Share
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

You aren’t dumb, you’ve got your sh*t together,  and f*ck, you even managed to pay 70% of your bills this month. You’re positively successful.

But there are times when you wonder just how often you were dropped on your head as a kid. Moments like these make you legitimately question how you’ve made it this far as a functioning adult:

When you think your fridge is going to magically make food…

You’ve opened the door three times in the past two hours, and yet (to your astonishment and crushing disappointment) food hasn’t yet apparated into the space where food is meant to be. Maybe if you go back in half an hour, a delicious sandwich will appear. Until then you’re going to have to satisfy yourself with another spoonful of aging mayonnaise.

When you take your phone out to check the time…

You’ve been sitting at your computer the entire afternoon, yet your phone is the only authority when it comes to how many hours have passed. You take it out of your pocket, look at the numbers, nod knowingly, stick it back in your pocket, and promptly forget what f*cking time it is. Again. Genius.

When you forget the name of a friend you’ve known for years

You went to kindergarten with this kid, they were the maid of honor at your wedding, they donated a kidney to your mother, you’re basically family – scratch that, they are family – but on more than one occasion you’ve been trying to get their attention and the only name you could summon up was “buddy”.

When you silently mouth words through a window….

They can see you, but due to the quarter inch of glass, there’s just no way they’re going to be able to make out what you’re saying. You’re going to have to whisper your words while moving your mouth like a yawning dinosaur. If all else fails, throw in some arm gestures. That’ll surely clear things up.

When you use your phone to search for your phone…

There is nothing quite as embarrassing as searching under the seat of your car for your lost mobile and deciding to use the torch app to illuminate the area…especially when it takes you fifteen seconds to realise what you’re doing.

When you open an app for the fourth time in six minutes…

You’re waiting on the bus, you’ve got a bit of time to kill, best check instagram, scroll, oh nothing new, close instagram, oh you’ve got a bit of time to kill, best check instagram, scroll, oh nothing new, close instagram, oh you’ve got a bit of time to kill…

When you use your hands to figure out left from right…

When following directions, you occasionally stop at a corner and use your hands to write with an invisible pen in order to mentally confirm which hand is your writing hand so you can pair that with the direction you were told you need to go. There’s gotta be an easier way.

When you shake before use…

You’ve just bought yourself a delicious smoothie. The fruity goodness inside is bright, colourful, flavourful and healthy. You give yourself a hearty mental pat on the back as you tear off the lid, eager to drink the thick liquid within. As you raise it to your lips, you spot the instructions on the side instructing you to shake well before consumption. Without a moment’s hesitation you give that bottle a vigorous jiggle and cause juicy vitamin C to rain down all over your face and body, leaving you looking like unwitting target at a clown orgy. You daft bastard.


Enjoy And Share
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •