Hi there,
You, starting at yourself in the mirror…Yeah, I’m talking to you!
I know you’re uncertain about your future and I know that you lack self-confidence. Sixteen is a very difficult age, so know that there is nothing wrong with you – this is far from unusual.
I know that you have trouble accepting yourself and what you see in the mirror but, just know that what you’re about to do will change your life forever.
I’m not trying to stop you from walking down this path, but I am trying to warn you that what lies ahead will not be easy. I want you to be prepared because, this is one hell of a path. But, knowing what I know today, I wouldn’t change it’s course.
Your battle with anorexia will consume you wholeheartedly. So, I suggest you say goodbye to the innocent sixteen year old girl, who stands before that mirror, before it’s too late. For a while, your going to miss your old-self like crazy. You’ll pray to G-d, asking him to take you back in time and allow you to be that little girl again. That healthy girl, who – though insecure – still knew and felt pure happiness.
But, I can’t lie to you, you will never be that girl again.
This disease will change you mentally even more than it will physically. But, I promise if you stay strong and fight it, you will end up discovering an even better version of your former self.
From this struggle, you will grow and mature , and you will begin to see everything in a new light. You will devote your life to helping others learn to love and accept themselves as they are. You will continue to share your story, in hopes of helping those on their own road to recovery.
You will gain strength and courage; wisdom and insight.
I know you’re sitting there now, comparing yourself to those who roam the halls around you, but please try your best not to. Comparison does nothing but harm you. It’s what lead you down this path in the first place!
I understand that you feel as if your not good enough, that everyone around you is better, that everyone else has a perfect life. But, this is not the case. You don’t know everyone’s story, and you can’t just assume they have it easy.
Everyone has their shit, whether its visible or not, everyone is fighting their own battle.
You’re worthy of love as you are now, so don’t you dare think otherwise. You don’t need to change anything about yourself in order to receive the love that you deserve.
You don’t need to find your husband today, or tomorrow, or even in the next few years. But what you do need to do now is– learn to love yourself as you are.
I know it’s easier said than done but, eventually you’re going to realize that you will never be able love someone unconditionally until you are able to do so with yourself. I’m not saying you need to feel flawless, but I’m telling you to accept your flaws as a part of what makes you, you. Stop trying to change yourself, and start trying to change how you see yourself instead.
The last thing I want you to know is that – everything happens for a reason. Sometimes this is going to be hard to believe, but I promise you that everything will fall into place.
You’re going to go far in life and find your passion. You’re going to experience love. You’re going to experience heartbreak. You’re going to experience success and you’re going to experience failure.
However, it’s not about the end result, but the journey that brought you there.
So hang in there, babe! This path you’re on has its twists and turns but you’re going to make it out just fine, I promise.
love always,
Your twenty-year-old self
