Dear Kim Kardashian,
With all due respect, get your ass off my news feed.
I never asked to see your ass.
It’s great that you’ve been promoting the love of colossal ass-cheeks all over the United States, but seeing it on the cover of Paper Magazine was nothing novel – especially when it’s been the only thing that, quite literally speaking, has been the only thing that stood out about you since day one. So was it really necessary to lather your behind up in some weird oil and then plaster it onto the News Feeds of every single person with a Facebook account? The first time it was done, it may have been called art. The second time? Not so sure. Perhaps a warning might’ve been nice, so I could’ve un-followed every single ridiculous page that even made it the news.
You’re a cheap distraction for the masses.
Speaking of the news, there are a number of really awful things going on in the world. Countries crumbling under crippling debt, refugees huddled into disease-ridden boats in our oceans. I’ll stop there. But that doesn’t matter because what’s the headline today? Kim and Kanye are having another baby! Hooray!
Though, honestly, you should congratulate yourself for keeping the herd so preoccupied with your uterine updates that they avoid any connection with actually important events going on in the world.
You’re making it okay to be a narcissist.
What do I see when I go onto Instagram and take a look at some of the public photos? Well, mainly just your selfies paired with a bunch of twelve year olds’ selfies with pouting lips. And for some reason that doesn’t seem to be a coincidence. Especially when your book “Selfish” sells out in one minute, basically making it okay for everyone else to be completely narcissistic. But perhaps this is why you’re successful – because you’ve managed to epitomize the capitalist spirit.
We’re partially responsible.
See, I know that it’s not just you Kim. It’s the magazines, the people who have nothing better to do with their lives than follow yours, the sad girls who’re ruining their perfectly fine shaped derrieres with injections to blow them up. You’re a giant moneymaking machine for media conglomerates and the healthcare industry.
The worst part? The fact that I’m even writing this article, which in itself, is enough said and, not to mention, puts me at risk for somehow being blacklisted from the Internet. But if this is the last statement I make on the Internet in 2015, I’m okay with that.
