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How to Knock Out Your Competition

Don’t fuck with Ronda Rousey.  The 28-year-old mixed martial artist won her last fight in just 34 seconds – and that’s not even her fastest win.  What made this fight special was that it was personal.  Rousey’s opponent, Bethe Correira, told media sources that Roussey would “commit suicide” if she lost.  Rousey’s father took his own life years earlier.  Needless to say, it hit a big emotional nerve.

That sucks.  What did she do about it?

Instead of making a petty comment back, Rousey took out her anger in the rink. That’s something a lot of us need to learn how to do.  Despite the never-ending avalanche of  getting into bar fights, in many cases women are naturally more likely to get aggressive than men.  The part of the brain that processes fear reacts more strongly and for a longer time.  This explains why you still can’t let go of that skank who subtweeted you last week. Fugly bitch.  

Ugh, that slut.

We call each other sluts and bitches.  Unlike Roussey’s smackdown, this is “indirect aggression”, or aggression that we don’t want to be noticed.  The problem with this is that it takes up a hell of a lot of time.  Generally speaking, women who are threatened strategize.  They gossip, ostracize, plan parties just to not invite people – you get the picture.  And it all generally doesn’t lead to solving problems, it just makes everyone angrier.  Think the Nicki Minaj vs. Taylor Swift vs. Katy Perry war.  

I have a headache just thinking about last weekend’s gossip.

Though this seems like a lot to calculate, it’s actually a lot easier than actually being aggressive.  Anger, though one of the most basic emotions, is looked down upon.  Especially as women, we’re told to smile and play nicely in order to keep the peace.  This is, of course, because of science (and the patriarchy).  Evolution has wired women to fend others off from defacing their sexuality and “womanness.”  Evolution has wired men to seek mates that are going to be faithful and submissionary.  The result is that women try to defend themselves without looking like they are actually defending themselves.  But ignoring your anger doesn’t make it go away.  Instead it lets it fester and linger, becoming more destructive to yourself and just about everyone around you.  

What should I do, just punch people?

Besides fighting people, what is Ronda Rousey doing that you’re not?  She’s getting to the point.  Besides proving herself to Correia, she responds to criticisms sharply and directly. When critics slammed her muscular frame, she fired back calling it “feminist-ly bad-ass.”  She openly calls out fellow fighter Floyd Mayweather for his history of domestic abuse.  She’s proud of being proud.  There’s no question of what she believes. There’s just a lot of girl-boss going on, and this saves a lot of time to focus on what she does best: being an athlete.  

How does this work for someone who doesn’t beat people up for a living?  Be direct.  The next time your frenemy ticks you off, don’t pressure the rest of the group to ostracize.  Tell it to her face.  Getting it off your chest will put the problem out there instead of forcing everyone to guess what’s wrong. Better yet, you’re a lot more likely to get the last word when you’re up front.  *Mic drop*