Your relatives serve quite a few purposes in your life. They mail you checks on your birthday. They provide you with a fuller sense of your ancestry. And they also prove to you that, while you may share genes with someone, you may not share the same perspectives on politics, religion, and life in general.
Anyone who has had to sit through a tense Thanksgiving dinner because their aunt won’t stop talking about how whoever happens to be in office at the time is ruining the country knows that it can be frustrating to come up against these differences in opinion. Most of us eventually get to the point where we’re willing to simply write them off, not engaging in the conversation, but not at all agreeing.
The truth is, though, while you may never share the same point-of-view, there are lessons to be learned from such family members. Their beliefs may conflict with yours, but they can also teach you that. . .
Opinions Aren’t Everything
Although there are certainly unfortunate instances in which a person can feel entirely estranged from their extended family, so unable to connect with them that they never speak, the more likely scenario is that, even though you don’t necessarily share the same perspectives as many of your loved ones, you still find ways in which to share in joyful, positive experiences. You understand that you won’t come to a common ground on certain topics, but you also appreciate the fact that opinions, even on significant subjects like politics, are not so intensely important that we can’t be friendly with those whose opinions are different from ours.
In the context of our families, we allow ourselves to reach this understanding because we have little other choice. These people are part of your life, and whether you like it or not, it benefits you to get along with them, maybe even like them. In other areas of life, though, we’re more than happy to reject any potential friendship with a person whose philosophies differ from our own.
By reminding yourself of the strong bonds you have with your aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins, you can realize that it is possible to share such bonds with others, as well. Life, in general, is more worthwhile when we’re willing to connect with our neighbors in moments of mutual respect. If you can have that experience with your relatives, maybe you can have it with almost anyone.
Values Shift
Many of us, feeling that we don’t share the same views as our relatives, often find that this is especially the case with the older generations. Our cousins’ views may be closer to ours, while our grandparents’ are almost alien.
If you’re able to notice this fact, you may then be able to realize the ways in which values change within a culture over the course of years. If you’re at all passionate about politics, religion, and the various other philosophical frameworks in which our culture exists, you probably want to have an understanding of how the opinions of a population can be nudged in certain directions.
You don’t have to agree with your older relatives, nor do you have to forgive them for offensive beliefs because “it was a different time.” You can, however, see them as providing you with an opportunity to understand the environmental roots of a belief system. Understanding the ways people used to feel and comparing them to the ways people feel now, you provide yourself with a chance to affect the ways people will feel in the future by realizing what forces are necessary to shift those values.
You Might Be Wrong
No matter who you are, no matter how hard you strive to live a life free from bias, you’re probably inclined to believe that you have a more objective view of the world than average. It’s simply part of the human condition; we tend to think we’re right.
Unfortunately, another part of the human condition is the fact that nobody is right one hundred percent of the time. While you may hold each and every one of your political perspectives dear, it’s nearly impossible for all of them to be as valid as you suspect them to be.
The problem is, few of us put ourselves in positions that would challenge our ingrained ways of seeing the world. We may occasionally read the newspaper columnist whose views don’t mirror ours, but often, it’s only so we can feel superior. We somtimes get involved in conversations with peers who don’t see an issue our way, but that’s because we think we may be able to change their minds.
Hell, sometimes we just like a fight. Arguing with someone you believe to be less-informed than you can coerce your brain into giving you a nice little dopamine hit.
Often, though, we don’t actually participate in any sort of extended, open-minded dialogue. We’re too quick to reject other perspectives to actually put ourselves in a position in which we may change our mind.
Of course, when you’re stuck at a family gathering, forced to listen to a relative drone on about one of their beliefs, there’s nowhere to run, the talk probably won’t escalate into a fight, and out of respect (even if it’s feigned), you’ll probably listen a little more closely than you would in another situation.
More often than not, this experience will simply confirm for you that your relatives may be lovely people, but their heads are filled with crazy ideas. Every now and then, though, you may find that you’re actually beginning to truly appreciate another opinion. That’s how we grow.
