I find myself struggling to focus on the good in myself. I have had a lot of struggles growing up just like everyone else has their own problems. But I feel like I can’t ever focus on the good in my life instead of the bad. I could be eating the best slice of pizza but still find something wrong in the moment. Maybe it’s anxiety? Depression? Bad memories of the past?
I try to focus on the present and it seems that the past always finds its way to catch up to me.
I think about the bad things that happened to me in the past and I make myself think I deserved it to happen to me. Do I deserve to be happy? Do I deserve bad things in my life like mental health struggles, a physical disability, being laid off from work, and fired when all I did was try my hardest at work? Being abused by others who I thought loved me? Do I sink into these thoughts? I would hope not, but I do.
What can I do to make myself focus on the present that is good? The past is going to be with me but it doesn’t mean I have to let it define my present and future.
If you are going through issues such as PTSD or just anxiety or anything that makes you sad and haunts you from your past, focus on one good thing in the present. That one thing right now is my boyfriend. I never thought I would meet someone who cared about me so much, doesn’t judge me for my baggage, loves me for me, and makes me feel like I deserve to be happy. However, I sometimes feel like I don’t deserve him and this is the trust part.
I need to trust that not all things are bad.
I learned in therapy that the hard moments of the part do not have to bleed into your future. Just because someone made you feel bad in the past doesn’t mean that you have to feel bad about it in the present. Just because someone called you ugly in the past does not mean you’re ugly. Just because someone made you feel like you don’t deserve happiness doesn’t mean you don’t deserve to be happy today.
It’s easier said than done – you’re not going to just forget bad memories or things of the past.
But it’s so important to truly look at the good things in the present that you have. Not everything is bad – it may seem it. I struggle every day to see the good, but when I see it, it makes my day a tiny bit better which gives me hope. Hope is how you get by day-by-day and what motivates me, personally, to keep going even when I want to say, “F it what’s the point?” There can be some good if you let it happen. Trust yourself to let go and not be scared and trust yourself to be loved and deserve happiness; you owe it to yourself to try and be happy.
About the Author
Molly Rose lives in PA but is originally from NY. She wrote for Odyssey Online in 2017 and has now started her journey with Puckermob. Molly is getting her Master’s degree online in Human Services at Capella University. She is an advocate for individuals with disabilities. Follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook.