Here are 10 reasons why most kids you went to high school with are douchbags now:
- Knowing all the swear words isn’t so bad as anymore. However, knowing the difference between your and you’re: thats the way to some serious man-points.
- That girl who everyone fancied in high school, yeah? She’s now got 4 kids and is a regular on Jeremy Kyle. Hotness fades. That deep soul you’ve got…that’s forever.
- Braces: you had them and got teased. The same boy who called you metal mouth is now constantly blinded by your pearly whites!
- That girl who looked like Paris Hilton in 2004? She spent so much on Juicy Couture that she’s still wearing the same freaking tracksuit…and looks like she belongs in Walmart now?
- The kids who did drugs then are totally missing all the new highs that you’re (thats right, I did it right) experiencing at Burning Man or Glastonbury now.
- Failing in class isn’t so cool anymore, is it? A nice, fat paycheck cause you’re (used it right again, damn I’m good) ace at maths; however, that’s the balls.
- That guy who everyone was OBSESSED with (cause he totally looked like Aaron Carter if you squinted A LOT). He still looks like Aaron Carter, and that’s a sad thing…
- You can’t put Prom Queen on your resume (believe me I’ve tried).
- The girl with the perfect hair who never sweat in gym class: I’ll take you on in a Bikram Yoga backbend any day of the week.
- Alcohol at a young age totally ages you. Thank you mum for keeping me away from the good stuff until I could tell the difference between a Pinot Noir and a Rioja.
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