in

11 Struggles We Don’t Realize Stepmothers Face on the Daily

Being a stepmom is an amazing thing. She gets to know these beautiful children, love them with every ounce of her being, and watch them grow into amazing human beings. But it’s difficult because at the end of the day, no matter how strong their bond is, they will never be her biological children. She could love them harder than any other soul on the planet, but that doesn’t make them her babies. Sometimes we overlook the struggles our stepmother faces because she puts on such a strong front on the daily.

1. It cuts her deep knowing even if the kids call her ‘mom’ she’ll never be their blood. 

No matter how long she’s been around, no matter how good her relationship is with their birth mother, no matter how supportive her husband is– she just isn’t their mom. Its heartbreaking because she wants so badly to get that one step closer to them, but it’s a wall that feels impossible to climb.

2. And every time she’s reminded that she’s not an actual parent stings. 

A lot. While most people might suggest it should get easier, it does not. In fact, it seems to get harder. The more effort she puts forth and the more she gives of herself, the more she feels like she’s finally getting somewhere– only to be reminded she’s not their actual parent.

3. She’s not asked for her opinion on many topics — big or small. 

What parent has the inclination to discuss something about their own child with someone else who is not their actual parent? It is their child and they ultimately hold the power of the decision. It breaks her heart though because she’s invested so much time and energy into this little human being that wins her heart over on the daily. Now life is happening around her and it’s completely out of her hands.

4. Legally, she’s irrelevant. 

It breaks her heart to think about what would become of them if something were to happen to their father. Because at the end of the day, legally they are his kids and his ex’s, not hers. No matter how much she loves them, that can’t win over a court to their birth mother. She would suddenly lose the kids she’s put her heart, soul, and energy into raising in a split second.

5. But regardless, she is still always expected to be a parent. 

This is when the frustration sets in because she’s being pulled in a million different directions. She’s somewhere between not wanting to cross any lines but knowing this child needs her. She’s been there through wiping noses, cooking dinner, and making sure teeth are clean, but there are also deep-seated issues that she becomes a part of as well. Can she give advice on how to handle a bully? What if her advice is the exact opposite of the child’s birth mother’s?

6. She hates not being around for the big moments. 

All situations are different, but there are always some things that she misses. It might be their first steps, potty training, first day of school, or their violin concert. No matter the importance of the event, it breaks her heart to not be there and cheer her step-babies on.

7. More people tell her she’s “only a stepmom” than she lets anyone know. 

“You are not actually raising the children because you are not the primary household, the real mom or an actual parent.” While she may be a good influence, she only sees them so often… so what difference could she possibly truly be making? People are blind to the fact that these kids feel like her own.

8. Some days she feels like everyone would be just fine without her.

Sometimes it’s tough for her to stand on the sidelines and just watch. Some days it feels like the children already have their role models, people they aspire to be when they grow up, and it sure as heck isn’t her. They already have two parents who love them unconditionally and it hurts to think like that, but it’s a real emotion that she deals with often.

9.  Fights that end in “you’re not my mom,” echo in her head, not allowing her to forget those words. 

Hearing they hate her tears up her heart like it does anyone else. Unfortunately for stepmoms, it tends to be followed by a version of “You’re not my real mom,” designed specifically to twist the knife in her soul.

10. But the love hurts too, in a different way.

Sometimes they will love her more than anything. They will call her the best mom ever or wish that she was their “real mom” and it will hurt. She will feel guilt over them saying that and then she will feel more guilt for feeling so much joy when they said it.

11. She’s always wishing things could be different, but tries so hard to accept each day as a blessing. 

She’s simply thankful to have these magnificent children in her life. She also gets to create special moments and memories with them that will be all her own. When everything else may suck, she is just glad to have them in her life no matter what.

The love between a stepmother and her ‘kids’ is something incredibly rare and special and pure. It is a choice. It is not easy, but it is rewarding. It is a love the likes of which she has never experienced before. So no matter how many people tell her they aren’t her kids, they will always play a huge role and be the light of her life.

For more like this, check out our Facebook Page!