By Marsha Baylor
It’s 10:30 on a Wednesday night. My husband and I sit on the couch exhausted, but enjoying the quiet that comes after our three year old son FINALLY falls asleep. I caught myself getting so frustrated that I just pictured myself turning into a hulking green man (Err woman??) and smashing everything in my sights. I love my son. It’s not something that I have to remind myself of because I feel it in every thread of my being. Tonight however, it took every ounce of restraint in me to not scream “SHUT THE HELL UP AND GO TO BED!!!!!”. And come on, every parent has these moments. If you say you don’t then you only have one person fooled and it’s not the general parenting population. Anywho, so I’m thinking about how I might have gotten a little frustrated and raised my voice. I felt so silly. I mean honestly, he’s three. He doesn’t get it. He doesn’t know that I had a long day at work and really just want to drink a beer and relax. He just thinks that the sun rises and sets out of my shadow rimmed eyes. He wants to be with me even if it’s to scream and yell and cry at me. So I snuggle him and apologize for raising my voice and explain that even Mama is wrong *GASP* sometimes. This leads to me thinking about the things that I find important to teach him and our future child(ren). Here are the top 11 things I want my kids to know before they are teenagers.
- Love and respect your parents. This one seems pretty obvious, but I’ve seen too many people lose their parents and wish they had more time. Having firsthand experience with losing my mother when I was 21, I know that the relationship is something that can be taken for granted.
- Life only sucks if you let it. Take a moment to really let that sink in. Think about all the amazing things about your life. You have family, friends, community; truly things for which to be thankful. So what, you don’t get that new ridiculously expensive phone that all your friends have and it’s just not fair. So you didn’t study enough for a test and failed it. Cry. Be frustrated and mad. And then let it go. Just relax. It’s fine. You may be grounded for a month for failing a test. I didn’t raise a child that doesn’t know how to study. Then just let it be. Learn a lesson and move on. Life can either hand you a big blazing bag of poo, or a bouquet of flowers. Flowers are pretty for a bit, but poo can be used to fertilize a garden.
- Love deeply. Even if it hurts. And yes, that includes loving yourself. You will be your own worst critic and honestly, there is no reason. As I sit here writing this a little voice in my head is saying, “Yeah, take your own advice”. You are good enough. You are smart enough. You deserve all the love that can be bestowed upon you. However, there will be people that will be-little you. Make you feel less than worthy. Wouldn’t it be easier to take these people on if you knew in your heart that you are the best at being you? Oh, and don’t be the person belittling others to make yourself feel better. That is called bullying and mama will have none of that.
- Hard work is the best, most fulfilling way to make a life. When I was 15 I got a job at our local amusement park. I wanted to get a job when I was 14, but at that time is wasn’t legal. I have been working ever since. Yes, there are times that I want to just simply quit working. Sit on my butt in front of the T.V. and eat a bag of Doritos while watching some stupid day time show that I won’t remember anything about later. I keep pushing forward because every step I’ve taken to get where I am has made me the person I am today. I worked at that amusement park for four tear filled, painfully hot, disgustingly smelly, amazing summers. I literally spent 50+ hours there every week and loved every stupid minute of it. I made lifelong friends and earned an amazing respect for working to get where you want to be in life.
- Be brave. I’m not saying fight a lion. That’s just stupid. Are you just trying to give your dear mommy a heart attack? No, what I mean is much more complex than that. Bravery is the ability to stand up for those who can’t defend themselves. It’s about being terrified out of your skull and still facing that fear because it’s the right thing to do. This is so important going into the preteen and teen years because bullying is at its peak. Being brave means standing up in the face of adversary and saying that you are too smart, too loved and too important to let someone else’s words become who you believe you are.
- Be strong. This is very much tied into being brave. When you believe in something, stand your ground. Don’t let anyone try to sway you from something that is totally ingrained in your soul. People will always try to make you second guess yourself one way or another. If it’s so important that you wouldn’t be the same person without it, be strong. Fight. Even if it means losing a friend. Real friends know why it’s important.
- Listen much more than you talk. You’ll be amazed at the things you’ll learn simply by listening. Even if it’s something that goes completely against your beliefs, it’s important to listen. It’s okay to have different views and still appreciate and respect each other.
- Admit when you’re wrong and apologize. As parents we teach our children to say they are sorry from a very young age. While in the beginning they don’t understand why they are sorry other than it gets them out of trouble, they will grow to know that it’s important to swallow the pride pill and shell out an apology. That doesn’t just go one way though. I hate admitting when I’m wrong. It feels yucky and it gives someone else the power over me to prove they are right. I do it more now with a child than I did prior because I want my children to see humility is okay in the right circumstances. It will make them a better person in the future to see the error and work towards a correction.
- Be curious. My son amazes me every day with the things he discovers. It has brought so much joy to my life to watch him figure things out and explore his surroundings. Sometimes he does things completely different (and better) than I would have. All too often people grow out of the curiosity that keeps children exploring. As adults we find ourselves in the vices of everyday life. The more we struggle or grow, the tighter it gets. We tend to believe that our lives are meant to be a certain way and anything outside of that little bland bubble is just excess. Children have the ability to see beyond the bubbles and that is truly something I hope my children will keep forever.
- Be kind. Not just to people, but also to animals and your environment. Don’t believe that for a single moment you are the reigning king of the world. I guarantee that long after the human race is gone, Earth and animals will still be here. We’re just merely observers passing through.
- The most important thing I want them to know is that under the skin, whether white, yellow, black, brown, or covered in tattoos, we are all the same. Every last human is made up of flesh, bones, blood, and water. I have never understood why people hold such insane judgments toward others for the way they look. Look at the beauty of each person as an individual. Find out their story. Don’t think that because you can see an external facade that you automatically know the person.
So there it is folks. Obviously there are a ton of things my kids will need to know while growing up. Tying their shoes. Wiping their own booties. Having the ability to slightly sensor the things that come out of their mouths. You know. The basics. Those will come with time and many helping hand, but this list first needs to be lived, then taught. I choose every day to be the person my children follow. Yes, even on the days when curse words fly around my brain and I seriously question procreating in the first place.
