We’ve all been there before, stuck in toxic relationships, questioning on the daily whether or not to stay and “work it out” or to walk away and say “Bye Felicia!”
On the one hand, you’ve invested so much time into this person. When the two of you first met, you couldn’t keep your hands off each other, the passions were high, and you made each other happy.
But on the other hand, things have dramatically changed and your once seemingly perfect relationship is unrecognizable from what it use to be.
What happened?
The truth is that it isn’t the relationship that’s changed, but rather the person you’re with has finally allowed their true, toxic colors to shine brightly through.
Of course when the two of you first met, they had to be polite and charming. How would they be able to get this catch of a girl if they were manipulative, narcissistic, or a liar?
If you’re starting to question your relationship, look out for these surefire red flags, pack your bags, and get out.
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You’ve caught him in a white lie one too many times. Once you start lying in a relationship, all that trust just disappears, leaving you always questioning everything. Even those little lies that you brush off at first dig deep. What is so difficult about being honest?
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He’s very tit-for-tat about, well, everything. If you leave a dirty plate in the sink, he’ll “forget” to turn his laundry over. If he sees another guy’s name on your phone, he’ll have two other girls on his. It’s just one of his many games he plays that drive you a little bit crazier each day.
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And speaking of games, he’s a control freak. It didn’t seem like it at first, it was like an “aw he cares” feeling. But suddenly you start to realize that your partner is controlling everything, and when you try to make your own decisions, BOOM! Big fight.
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Your family and friends have questioned your relationship on more than one occasion. I’m not talking about cynical grandma or your super picky best friend. I’m talking people have come to you multiple times asking you if you’re truly happy and why you’re with him. You’ve had to call them to vent so many times that they see through this smiley front you put on.
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He don’t seem interested in being around you, but hates when you go out without him. Every once in awhile, it’s totally understandable if everyone has a long day and wants to cancel date night. But this is different. He doesn’t want you to go out with your friends, but when you decide to cancel on them and stay in with him, all of a sudden he’s the grumpy one. He just wants to sit and play videos games but for some unspoken reason wanted you to be there.
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Your fights begin to affect your life. You suddenly realize that you’re missing out on events, get-togethers, and just a plain old relaxing time. This overwhelming stress of getting into fights, making up, then walking on eggshells to avoid the next is exhausting and affecting your every day. You can’t only live your life in between your fights.
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He makes you question yourself. He makes you not only doubt yourself, but also feel bad about yourself. He doesn’t shower you in kisses and compliments like your friends’ boyfriends, he actually hasn’t said something nice about you in awhile. You crave a relationship that makes you feel secure in who you are and what actions you make, but that just isn’t happening here.
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When you ask about the future, he’s aloof. Everything should be clear and straightforward in any relationship. But he seems to be wishy-washy and you can’t quite form an understanding of his dreams of the future. At one point you were able to talk about being together for the long run and what your plans were, but suddenly it’s as if he just forgot that ever happened.
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You can’t shake the feeling of being held back. He’s not blatantly telling you to not follow your dreams, but he’s also not pushing you in the right direction. He doesn’t support you unconditionally and he sure as hell doesn’t want you to get out there and take any chances to further your career.
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And when you’re growing, blooming, exploring, and advancing, it suddenly hits that he, well, isn’t. You’re not growing together. He isn’t as ambitious as you or seem to care enough about his own life. He might give you the “I just don’t know what I want to do yet” line, but it goes much deeper than that. He is intimidated by your success and doesn’t want to show it.
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Your values don’t line up. In the beginning, you may have agreed to compromise, but eventually it caught up and put a big wedge into your relationship.
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You find that you don’t want to go home because you know he’ll be there. Home is supposed to be a safe place, but now you don’t want to go home because you’re anticipating something negative from him. Home is now associated with fighting and crying and sleepless nights, not comfort and love.
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You have a gut feeling he’s not being loyal but can’t prove it. It’s still a valid reason to leave. If he doesn’t leave you feeling secure that you’re the only on in his life, then it’s a very good sign you deserve someone better. It doesn’t matter if you can’t “prove it” or if there actually is no other girl, not being made a priority or even slightly feeling like one is a very valid reason to leave.
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You’re drowning in negativity surrounding your relationship. You’ve held on hope for long enough that you’re just experiencing a “rough patch,” but it’s just not getting any better. The truth is, things won’t get better, only worse, so head on out before that negative comes to a head.
The end of a relationship is not the end of the world. Life is simply too short to waste on toxic relationships that lead to nowhere, so take that leap, grab your dignity and your heart, and carry on!
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