When you think of your childhood, the last thing we want to realize is that our parents were emotionally abusive. We all want to grow up with the image of a perfect childhood with parents who love us unconditionally, but sometimes, more often than not, that tends to not be the case. Deep down you know they love you but that doesn’t cancel out the hell you’ve been through. You don’t view yourself as a victim but there are times you think to yourself that you act a certain way because you learned the behavior from your parents. They say you learn what you live and sometimes, that’s not always with the best intentions.
Emotional abuse can be so silent you might not even realize it’s happening, especially as a child you may have missed the signs that now wave a red flag because you have a better understanding of the world. It hits the hardest through soul-crushing words and inadvertent actions that become ingrained in our hearts.
1. It felt like your parents were constantly belittling you
2. They were very controlling over finances and how you spent your money
3. Their words were chosen carefully to manipulate you by their love: “It shouldn’t matter what I say when I’m mad, you know I love you.”
4. No matter how it made you feel or how much it hurt, their negativity followed you everywhere
5. When it came to your friendships, they were controlling and wouldn’t allow you to hang around with certain people
6. They spoke openly to other family members about personal issues between you to recruit them to “their side” against you
7. It felt like they were constantly projecting their own personal feelings about themselves onto you
8. When things were normal, it was not genuine… you knew a fight is right around the corner
9. The smallest things set them off
10. When you tried to grow your own voice, but they always shut it down before you got very far
11. Somehow you were blamed for 90% of all problems
12. They’d play mind games with you endlessly to the point where you really didn’t know what the truth was
13. When you say you want to do something they respond with, “Are you sure that’s what you want to do?” or “You don’t want to do that, do you?”
14. They’d always throw past mistakes in your face
It’s normal to go all of your childhood/adulthood blaming yourself. Many people don’t even know about emotional/mental/verbal abuse, but it has some long-lasting effects on its victims. Most of the time this form of abuse can go unseen because it leaves invisible scars and bruises. This form of abuse attacks your very essence, your spirit, mind, and self-worth and stays with you for longer than you’d imagine. What makes this abuse so dangerous is the fact that most of the time it is so subtle you tend to blame yourself. These are some of the lasting effects of emotional abuse from your childhood:
1. You always apologize, even if it isn’t your fault. “I’m sorry” just comes so naturally for everything
2. You find yourself somewhat paranoid and hesitant when it comes to new friendships/relationships
3. You have a hard time trusting people
4. more often than not you’d rather isolate yourself than put yourself in a situation that has potential to be threatening
5. You are quick to believe anything negative about yourself and don’t know how to accept compliments
6. You’re in a constant state of self-doubt and insecurity
I didn’t realize how wrongly I was treated when I was younger and how much it affected me until I began to have my own thoughts and refused to settle. It’s been a long journey, but just know you’re not alone in this. Every person handles situations differently but not person should have to go through this alone.
If you have thoughts of self-harm/suicide please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline (1800-273-8255). And remember that you are valuable and someone loves you. You can survive this, you’re stronger than you think.
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