Whether we’re lonely on a friday night and download the app to just see what’s out there or we’re sitting around on a saturday night with girlfriends and download the app to set up our favorite single friend, we’ve all been there. The mother of all dating apps, the swipe that started it all; Tinder. If you haven’t tried it, 10 out of 10, I’d recommend it to all my friends out there. There’s just something gratifying about a healthy amount of shallow, anonymous judgement. As you might have picked up on, I have a very long-running relationship with Tinder, however, no long-running relationships as a result of Tinder. You win some, you lose some I guess. Anyways, as a result of this, I fancy myself a bit of a Tinder professional. So here it is, my Tinder tips to swipe like a pro, get through those awkward intros, and handle those not so ideal matches faster than you can say boy, bye.
1. Look at all pictures before swiping right.
Hot Josh pops up on your screen and you’re like a kid in a candy store dying to swipe right and get that match. Please, don’t! Just like you have good angles so does he. Read that bio, find out that he works at McDonalds and is in an open relationship first. Get through all those pictures and find out he has a two year old. I promise the 30 seconds is worth the uncomfortable unmatching you’ll have to do after he has your number and snapchat.
2. Never super like (even if you're out of regular likes).
Super liking ends in one of two ways- either he gets weirded out and you have to try to explain you were just out of regular likes or it feeds the male ego. This means you two are now either marries or he just becomes a major douchebag. No one likes these scenarios. I rest my case on super liking.
3. Don’t like a super like back out of pity.
Tinder is not for the faint of heart. If he couldn’t take some disappointment he had no business being on there. Do not like and especially do not superlike out of pity. If you super like back you might as well be prepared to plan your wedding because you’re wifed up in his eyes, sister!
4. Use the unmatch button.
You find a cute guy, swipe, and he matches you. You’re flying high, having a great conversation, and then he starts getting creepy. You can ask him to stop or just unmatch. You have every right to do whatever makes you comfortable. You don’t owe anyone anything on Tinder or otherwise. The great thing about Tinder is that it’s all digital and you’re safe from the privacy of your own home so exercise your right to unmatch!
5. Don’t be afraid to message first.
There is a huge issue with Tinder that girls think guys have to be the first to message. Please do not wait around for a guy to make the first move on Tinder, at a bar, anywhere! I don’t know if girls just don’t know what to say or it’s nerves or what but seriously it needs to stop. My go to is always “hey, how are you?” It’s friendly, open, and just a regular conversation starter in a non-creepy way. I would greet anyone this way. Don’t put so much pressure on it, you don’t no this person and you’ll probably never meet them so why worry?
6. Write a bio.
This was one I recently learned the hard way. I had no bio for the longest time because I had never looked for anything serious on Tinder. I asked my best friend in passing one day why I kept getting messages like “nice rack” and “dtf?”. Apparently no bio means you’re just there for sex so I immediately wrote something about my dog and my college major and now boys don't comment on my "rack".
7. If you’ve been through about 30 profiles and haven’t swiped right once, take a break.
After a certain amount of swiping and quite a few duds, it gets boring and you’ll find no one cute anymore. This is when it’s time to take a break, eat a burrito and enjoy the single life. That’s the nice thing about being single, you have lots of “me time” for snack breaks. Appreciate it.
8. Funny pickup lines are acceptable. Rude, misogynistic, and sexual ones are not.
This is the downside to being single, you have to put up with a lot of rude people who say some not so nice things. Or at least we think we have to in order to weed them out. Don’t put up with it. Stand up for yourself, human decency is a basic right not a privilege. Dump the bad seeds and expect the best for yourself.
9. “DTF?” is not an acceptable way to be greeted. (Unmatch immediately).
Same goes for this one. If you’re just looking for sex, more power to you, but you still deserve to be talked to like a human being deserving of respect. If you’re met with this horrible line, unmatch. If not for you then for the next girl so he knows it’s not cool to talk to people like that.
10. Know what you want when you begin swiping. (It may change depending on the day).
Somedays you might just want to go on a nice date, others you might just want sex, and one day you might want a relationship. This choice is all yours and that will certainly dictate your swiping. That’s the beautiful thing about Tinder. It’s like the drive through of relationships.
11. When meeting up with someone from Tinder have a backup plan in place.
Please, if you listen to nothing else, let someone know that you’re meeting a stranger from Tinder! Bad things do happen, girls. I’m the queen of the "SOS phone call". Basically I let a friend know I’m going on a date and that if I text them "SOS" they need to call and pretend they’re having an emergency. It gets me out real quick but it also means my best friend has a lot of fake fights with her boyfriend. I have a flair for the dramatics so when I’m the phone call I pretend I lost a finger or something. Probably not morally sound but a good laugh.
12. If his bio says he’s an entrepreneur, he probably lives in his parents basement.
This one’s pretty straightforward. If he’s 19 he’s not a surgeon, if he’s 18 he’s probably not an entrepreneur. Just be smart about it.
13. If his first picture is him in a hot tub with his arms around two girls in bikinis, lower your expectations.
He’s probably not the poster boy for feminism if his first picture looks something like this nor are they his childhood best friends. Maybe a good hookup, but don’t expect much at the age of 21.
14. Don’t swipe on people you know just to see what will happen.
This is another one I learned the hard way. I swiped right on a guy I went to high school with. Way out out of my league back when I was a freshman and he was a senior, but I like to think I came into my own. Anyways, I swiped, we matched, I called my mom (it was a big deal), and he messaged me. My expectations were way too high. Everything he said put me to sleep and now I will no longer swipe right on people I went to high school with. I do not need to relive that four year long joke.
15. Have realistic expectations
You probably won’t meet your prince charming on Tinder, but it’s fun for now and that’s what matters. Just take it one date at a time. They might make for some funny stories later!
