in

15 WTF Ways Guys Orgasm

Enjoy And Share
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  

You and I both know you’ve sat with your girlfriends and exchanged hook up stories over drinks. I bet you know more about their boyfriends and exes than you really want to.  

Just like us women, men come in all shapes and sizes. They each have their own style and personality and that always shows in the bedroom.

No two sexual partners are the same. Some guys have rhythm in the sack while others are just awkward and inexperienced. Some have small penises but others were blessed with larger endowments.

Although it’s not a cumulative list, here are 15 of the most common (and irritating) male orgasm styles:

1. The Jackhammer- He’s just about there when all of a sudden he starts acting like your vagina is an old sidewalk and he’s an entire construction crew attacking it. GTFO.

2. The Seizure- He’s convulsing and making weird faces that you’ve never seen before. It’s not attractive. 

3. The Flopping Fish– His whole body is out of control. Calm down catfish, calm down.

4. The Screamer – Is Micheal Myers hiding in the corner or do you just need the neighbors to hear?

5. Daddy- “Yeah baby, daddy’s home, daddy’s home!” Gag.

6. Silent but deadly- His wide-eyed, creepy, silent stare is really killin’ the vibe.

7. The Michael- Where do I know these high pitch squealing noises from? Oh right, every Michael Jackson song. He can hit the notes, you can’t; just stop.

8. Winded Warrior- He’s panting so hard you’re actually worried about his health. 

9. Mr. Sensitive- Now is really not the time to talk about your feelings. *Facepalm*

10. Snoozer- How do you go from humping to snoring in 30 seconds? He falls asleep even faster than he cums. 

11. The Explorer- “Uh where do you want me to cum?!” Panic sets in quickly when you don’t answer fast enough.  

12. Pet Namer- “Yeah baby, right there sexy, ohhhh I’m gonna cum boo boo love sex machine..” I’m sorry, whaaaaat the fuck did you just call me? 

13. The Spartan- I guess he thinks he’s Gerard Butler in the movie 300, fighting a raging battle to invade your vagina with his little warrior penis. Why are you being so aggressive? Chill man.

14. Surprise Facial- Sticky eyes are never fun. In the words of Amy Schumer “Uhhhh I’m not mad, I’m not mad. GET ME SOMETHING. I’m not gonna Stevie Wonder my way into the bathroom!”

15. Head Banger- This guy isn’t a rock music fan, he just thinks it’s cool to aggressively shove your head down and force his penis into your throat. Not cool, not even a little bit.

We may not ever understand men or why they do the things they do, especially during sex. But ladies, we can definitely laugh about it. 

For more articles like this, please ‘like’ my Fan Page on Facebook!


Enjoy And Share
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •  
  •