Like many in their 20’s, I’ve spent much of my young adult life consuming copious amounts of alcohol resulting in days worth of recovering.
Every single time, I say I’ll never drink again, and every single time, I do.
I’ve been there, done that, and have learned many, many, lessons along the way.
Beware party animals, alcohol can bring out the wild in just about anybody.
-
It’s true what they say about nothing good happening after 1:00am. Go home and go to bed. Unless you feel like eating regret for breakfast.
-
Beer goggles can and will make even the most hideous person look like Ryan Gosling. Therefore, if he’s ugly when you drink, know that he’ll be uglier when you sober up.
-
Every party group has an annoying drunk friend. If you’re not sure which friend of yours it is, it’s you.
-
If someone offers you an AMF, just say no.
-
Learn from those first times. If too much tequila makes you do out of the ordinary things once, know that it’ll do the same the next time around.
-
If you need to have 5 of something before it tastes good, you’ll likely be tasting it when it comes back up later.
-
Sending those drunken “I still love you” or “I miss you” texts will never result in getting what you want.
-
Booze will make you forget much, but it will never let you forget the jerk that broke your heart.
-
Don’t let yourself believe you truly love someone that you’ve only spent time with drunk. You can love anybody when you’re drunk. Sober love is much different.
-
Just because you think you can dance after a few drinks, doesn’t mean that you should. Seriously.
-
If you’re in the mood to embarrass yourself, you may as well do karaoke. Karaoke is only acceptable when drunk, so go big or go home. Just, please, whatever you do. Don’t sing Journey.
-
If you’ve gotta go, use an actual toilet. There is nothing less lady like than a girl with her pants down taking a piss in public.
-
If intoxicated you questions whether something is a good idea, it is one hundred percent, a terrible, terrible idea.
-
When you invite a guy over late at night due to your drunken courage, remember, you’re the one who initiated the booty call. He’s not the hoe bag here. You are.
-
Keg stands were not made for girls in short skirts.
-
Liquid courage is pretty great sometimes, but don’t abuse the power and decide to finally tell someone close to you how you really feel. Some conversations are best had sober, or not at all.
-
Your mom is not the best person to call when your drunk ass is lost, sad, or just simply wants to chat.
-
The phone is not your friend.
-
Don’t drink to have fun, drink to have more fun.
-
Your drunk alter ego is cool and all, but sober you is so much better.
