On every computer, there's a command center where actions appear in a list as you order them to be done. Sometimes, when you try to do too much, it locks up, freezes, or completely shuts down.
Being an overthinker is a lot like that. In any situation, our minds become filled with the irrational thoughts that lead us to behaving the way we do.
1. You hear a compliment, but immediately don't believe it.
2. Why would someone even say that?
3. Immediately you think 10 negative thoughts about yourself that prove the compliment isn't true.
4. You start to explain to him how he's wrong, that you aren't pretty.
5. But you start to panic when it looks like he's about to agree with you.
6. All of a sudden, you worry that he's going to leave you.
7. But then you rationalize why he would and sadly understand.
8. You find yourself watching his every move trying to read his facial expressions.
9. He sighs, so naturally you assume he's about to break up with you.
10. You bring up an argument from weeks, or even months ago.
11. Something about it still bothers you and you still need to talk about it.
12. Is right now the best time for this? You panic when you realize it wasn't.
13. Reword what you're planning to say over and over until you forget what you're upset about.
14. Your realize you're lashing out at the people you love the most, even if they did nothing wrong.
15. So you try to sort through your thoughts, but get consumed by other thoughts.
16. Okay, deep breaths, let's focus on clearing our mind.
17. You realize you're still reliving that social interaction from an hour ago.
18. Lock up, brain on overload.
19. Okay let's just be normal.
20. You realize you don't know how to be normal.
21. And, now you're freaking out because now you're hyper-aware of everything you're doing.
22. Freeze, system trying to restart.
23. What must I look like to other people right now?
24. You put your hand on your hip to seem casual but you get the feeling you look anything but casual.
25. Your ears hear what someone says but you focus on discovering what they really mean by it, even if it takes hours of analyzing and overthinking.
26. And, that's it. Complete shut down.