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30 Thoughts You Have While Sitting At The "Kids" Table In Your Twenties

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So you’re vising for Christmas. Mom puts you at the kids table because apparently being in your twenties, not your shit together, being single AF, and wearing holiday footie pajamas doesn’t make you an adult? 

Being in your twenties is really awkward during the holidays. You’re an adult to society but not to mom.  You basically haven’t hit the adult enough to give me unmatched towels 

Kid’s table it is for the the twenty something year straight….

1. Grandma still thinks I need the Santa divider plate! LOL.  I do actually give it back.

2. I should probably have some salad but I’m going to take a large heaping of this orange jelloy stuff. 

3. Eat it first before anyone see’s your being unhealthy. 

4. Why do they make turkey at Christmas? Thanksgiving was literally a month ago. I’ve been eating turkey for 4 weeks straight. 

5. Do you think Grandma has bourbon in her eggnog? Probs. lol.

6. Sings* Grandma’s going to get run over by a reindeer. 

7. That’s actually really sad and depressing. 

8. I love my grandma. She’s a nice lady. 

9. I wonder if I’m on the nice list this year?

10. Fuck. Wait. Santa’s not real. 

11. Even if he was I probably wouldn’t be. Santa wouldn’t like my Snapchat. 

12. Why does this kid keep staring at me?

13. You’re like 5. I bet he doesn’t even know what 25+8 is. Ha.

14. 35. 

15. *Double checks on fingers*

16. 38. Drops invisible mic*

17. I wonder if Aunt Carol is lesbian. 

18. Oh wait she’s married… but still?

19. And isn’t Cousin Debby seriously on her like 10th kid?

18. Her one kid keeps looking at me… again. The fuck you want kid. These hands?

20. What? You’ve never see a 23 year old in elf footie pajamas before?

21. Dear baby Jesus, please don’t let anyone ask me if I have a boyfriend. 

22. If anyone asks just say his name is Edward Cullvert. 

23. No. You have zero prospects. You’re in no position to lie. 

24. I’m going to die alone. 

25. I’m going to be stuck here forever. 

26. I’m probably going to have to accept this as my life. 

27. Cousin Debby’s kid will have children before me. 

28. I’m just going to be that one drunk Aunt at family get together.

29. Do you think my grandma will judge me for having my sixth glass of Kahlua and coffee?

30. Eh. Fuck it. 

Merry Christmas Everyone. Please stay safe this holiday! 

For more of Alexis follow her on Facebook


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