Change. It’s inevitable that change happens.
Events take place that shape us into the people that we are. But what happens when the past is so embedded into us, so engraved into our everyday lives, that we can’t look towards the future because we are too busy dwelling on the past?
You see, sometimes things happen in life that make you bitter. Make you sad. Make you angry with the world.
There are times when we all feel like the universe has done so many crappy things to us, that it owes us something in return. But that’s the funny thing about life—it is paying us back by literally handing us the opportunity to move forward.
To leave the past in the past and have a future that we can’t predict what will happen in the next minute, hour, or day.
If you are like me, you want to change but maybe can’t. You don’t see the bigger picture yet, but here are just four ways that holding onto the past only holds you back:
1. Not changing into the person you’re supposed to become and instead staying stuck with your old self
We all have characteristics and qualities that make us the person we are. But reliving the past and not letting it go only will stop you from changing into that better person you’re supposed to be.
The reason you are the way you are today is because you had to go through all those past things. You become a better person by growing and changing and inevitably being different than you used to be.
You shed the layers of old mistakes and regrets and grow new skin. That’s the beauty of life- if you don’t like who you are, you have the option to change.
2. Pushing out really amazing people
You’ll deny that you’re doing it, insist that your actions are justified and it’s just “who you are” but those are just excuses to try and get you through your miserable day.
Stop. Stop telling yourself you’re meant to be alone and that nobody will love you for who you are. Pushing out people you care about only makes you detached and alone.
That’s a life that nobody wants deep down. Being numb is easier sometimes but feeling is what matters. Feel it. Let things in. Someone is going to come along one day and love everything you hate about yourself.
Someone is going to see all the things you can’t see in yourself. If life lets you somehow stumble upon that person, letting them go will be a bigger mistake than any of those miniscule ones that you think you’re stuck in now.
Whether this person is a friend, family member or a romantic interest.. pushing someone away who honestly just wants to be there for you is the wake up call that will come, and trust me when I say it’ll be a call that came too late.
3. Believing that everything in your future is based on your past
The thing that is really tough with being stuck in your past is that it can actually mess with your mind and haunt your everyday thoughts.
Overthinking your current situations can turn into convincing yourself that everything will be the same.
Nothing will ever change. New people will be like the old ones and old habits will never go away. Why get that new job? I’ll hate it like I hate my current one. Why talk to that person? They will just leave. Why would I make that change? I’ll never be happy. And the list can go on. This isn’t true.
The world can be a terrible place, but it can also be a beautiful one. Not everyone you meet will suck. Not every job will be boring. Not every friendship ends. Not every death ends in a lifetime of grief.
I know the pessimistic side of yourself may be hard to quiet down. I am the same way. But your past experiences are exactly that- PAST. EXPERIENCES. All different, all in the past.
4. Actually convincing yourself that you don’t deserve anything good.
To me, this is the absolute worst part of not letting go of the past.
You’ve been numb for so long now, stuck in the terrible decisions and choices you maybe made years ago, that you actually are at the point in your life where you have completely and positively convinced yourself that you don’t deserve anything good.
You’ve hit the self destruction button on yourself so many times that you just have given up on the idea that you may be happy again. But you will.
Right now it seems impossible to change and that you’ll never see the upside of anything…but you’re right about only one thing: We all don’t deserve good things, we deserve amazing things.
So, I get it. You probably feel not good enough, but that is so far from the actual truth. We are not our past. Being stuck in it can only ruin you.
There will never be a brighter day until you take ahold of your own life and realize that yesterday isn’t changing, but that you can. You will never find happiness and joy unless you make space for it.
Don’t be your past. Be the amazing person that your past has made you.
