Dating in recovery can be a bumpy road for many, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are 5 things to keep in mind when entering the dating world.
- Don’t Date in the First Year of Your Recovery
While not in the Big Book, the most common suggestion given to those entering recovery is to not date within the first year of recovery. There are a lot of changes that are happening within that first year of sobriety, and adding a romantic relationship to the mixt can cause a lot of extra and unnecessary stress. Taking the time to get stable in your sobriety, learn more about yourself and discovering new coping skills are all important steps to take before adding another person into the equation.
- Learn to Love Yourself First
Before entering into a relationship, you have to learn to love yourself and be ok with being by yourself. You can do this through pursuing interests and hobbies, taking care of yourself through healthy eating and exercise habits, planning for the future with help from a therapist or sponsor, and saying daily, positive affirmations.
- Your Sobriety Comes First
However you stay sober, know that your sobriety comes first. If you don’t want to lose everything, your own journey in recovery must be your top priority. Make sure that nothing in your life, including relationships, becomes more important or distracts you from doing what you need to do in order to stay sober. If and when you do enter a relationship, make sure your partner understands what you need to do to stay sober, and they are supportive and understanding of it.
- Take it Slow
As Dr. Dischiavo, a licensed addiction counselor and sexologist, says “Take it very, very slow. Date like it’s 1955, whether it’s with someone new, or with your current partner or spouse.” Give yourself time to get to know your potential partner and learn how to balance a romantic relationship and your recovery at the same time. Also, allow your partner time to learn about drug addiction and recovery so they can better understand your lifestyle and choices.
Most importantly, give yourself and your partner time to really get to know each other and let the intimacy develop naturally.
- Don’t Replace Your Substance Addiction with a Love Addiction
Falling in love can make us feel good. All those endorphins and other feel-good chemicals are rising, and the thrill of early love can be intense. For these reasons, some people can replace their drug or alcohol addiction with a love addiction, relying on their partner and their relationship for the comfort they previously sought through substance abuse. Trading one addiction for another can be dangerous, and can result in unhealthy relationships and a lack of commitment to one’s recovery as you become focused more on the relationship than your sobriety.
At the end of the day, know that you are worth the best, that by keeping your sobriety as your main priority, you are giving room for all the good things in life to come your way, and that your relationship status does not define who you are. Listen to your sponsor and those around you who have your best interests at heart, and keep your sanity and sobriety as your first concern, and you’ll be just fine.
